Bizarre News

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

Remember the old saw about not using public restrooms because
you might get crotch rot or butt fungus from the toilet? As
it turns out…if that public bathroom is in a restaurant or
bar you might be better off using the toilet than ordering a
drink.

In a test of ice cubes from 49 fast-food and casual-dining
restaurants and hotel bars in the city and suburbs, the
Chicago Sun-Times found that more than one of every five
samples contained high levels of bacteria.

By comparison, a water sample taken from a toilet in a men’s
room tested cleaner than the ice obtained at 21 of the
restaurants and bars.

Nearly all of the ice tested that came from self-serve ice
machines had low levels of bacteria or none at all. Hotel
lobby bars, where ice is often transported by and handled
by multiple people, didn’t test as well: Three of four bars
tested had ice with high levels of bacteria.

“It’s not like you’ll see people dropping over dead or huge
numbers getting sick because it’s going to take just the
right bacteria and the right person to make them ill,” said
Penn State University’s Brian Swistock, co-author of the
university’s publication “Water Tests: What Do the Numbers
Mean?”

But high bacteria levels such as those found in some of the
ice cube samples might help explain some of the stomach ills
people get.

Well, I’m suddenly hungry. Who wants to go to lunch? The iced
tea is on me.

Bizarrely,

Lewis

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+————— Bizarre December Holidays —————-+

December 1 is National Pie Day and Eat A Red Apple Day

December 2 is National Fritters Day

December 3 is National Roof-Over-Your-Head Day

December 4 is Wear Brown Shoes Day

December 5 is National Sacher Torte Day

December 6 is National Gazpacho Day and Mitten Tree Day

December 7 is National Cotton Candy Day

December 8 is Take It In The Ear Day

December 9 is National Pastry Day

December 10 is Festival For The Souls Of Dead Whales

***

———- Granny Robber suspect to be tracked ————

FRANKLIN, Ohio - A 68-year-old Ohio woman suspected of
being the so-called Granny Robber behind three bank
robberies will be tracked by authorities, a judge has
ruled. Franklin Municipal Court Judge Rupert E. Ruppert
ruled that while Barbara Joly will remain free as
investigators look into her alleged connection with the
heists, her daily actions will be tracked by Global
Positioning System satellites, The Cincinnati Enquirer
said Wednesday. Chris Atkins, Joly’s attorney, said after
Tuesday’s hearing that the tracking effort will help his
client in case any similar heists are committed in the
future. “It’s as much for her to be accountable for her
whereabouts as it is in case someone tries to imitate
her so we will know where she wasn’t,” Atkins told the
newspaper. Joly is the main suspect in three bank robberies
in the area since May, including a recent heist at the
Huntington Bank in Franklin, Ohio. She was officially
charged last Friday in relation to the third theft. The
moniker Granny Robber came about as the suspect in the
robberies was identified as an elderly woman wearing
sunglasses and a scarf, the Enquirer said.

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——- Seuss lawyers crash Louisville Grinch gala ——–

LOUISVILLE, Ky. - Louisville, Ky., boosters say the city’s
annual Christmas celebration will go on as scheduled
despite last-minute changes made to mollify Dr. Seuss’s
lawyers. Light Up Louisville was supposed to have a “How
the Grinch Stole Christmas” theme this year but that plan
caught the eye of Seuss Enterprises in San Diego, which
sent attorney Barbara Orr to point out copyright issues
to the city, The Courier-Journal newspaper in Louisville
said Tuesday. Orr fired off a cease-and-desist letter to
the Louisville Convention and Visitors Bureau, which then
agreed to change the name of the kids’ play area from
“LouWhoVill” to “Lou-Ville” and is benching the guy in
the Grinch costume, the newspaper said.

——– Man, skid loader, stolen ATM take tumble ———

LEAVENWORTH, Kan. - A Kansas man, a skid loader and an
allegedly stolen ATM all survived a 50-foot tumble down
an embankment during a burglary, police say. Leavenworth,
Kan., Police Chief Patrick Kitchens told The Kansas City
Star the 49-year-old suspect sustained only minor injuries
after mishandling a stolen skid loader he had allegedly
used to pry an ATM loose from a federal credit union
Sunday morning. Kitchens said the suspect had succeeded in
using the machine to lift the ATM from its moorings, and
allegedly decided he could break it open by dropping it
down a steep hill. But instead of just the ATM going over,
the suspect, trapped inside the skid loader’s cage, also
tumbled down the embankment and through a wooded area,
landing near some parked semi-trailers, the Star said.
“It is stunning that he is still alive,” Kitchens told the
newspaper. “We are talking about a 50-foot embankment —
basically straight down. He has the ATM, which basically
weighs 3,000 pounds.”

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———– Pianist’s skull appears in Hamlet ————-

STRATFORD-ON-AVON, England - An English concert pianist
who died 26 years ago has been granted his final wish —
to appear on stage in Hamlet playing the skull in the
graveyard scene. Andre Tchaikowsky’s skull has been used
in rehearsals since he willed it to the Royal Shakespeare
Company, The Sun reported. Now, the skull has finished a
run of performances in Stratford-on-Avon, with actor David
Tennant as Hamlet holding it up while intoning, “Alas,
poor Yorick, I knew him, Horatio…” The company didn’t
let audiences know they were seeing a real skull until the
last performance. The Polish-born pianist, who died of
cancer at the age of 46, was a fan of William Shakespeare
and especially of “Hamlet.” He made frequent trips to
Stratford to see RSC performances. “It was Andre’s dream,”
Dave Ferre, a friend of the pianist’s family, said. “They
will be pleased he has made it on stage.” Tennant, best-
known as the latest incarnation of “Doctor Who,” plans to
use Tchaikowsky’s skull again when the “Hamlet” production
opens in London. David Howells, the RSC archivist, says a
real skull hasn’t been used since the 19th century.

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Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural. Get The
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here…F-R-E-E..
Bizarre Uncensored

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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Is this bacon chocolate England’s effort to redeem them-
selves of a reputation of nasty cuisine? Does it come with
a side of marmite? Honestly, I think it’s all a sick way
of addressing sexual frustration. God knows it won’t help
their dental situation at all. -Kyndria
[Bacon and chocolate is a way of addressing sexual
frustration? As in...bacon and chocolate will make you so
sick you won't worry about the fact that you're not getting
any in the sack? I don't get it.]

Many, Many years back my Carin terrier ran away. Two years
later I got a call from the Humane Socity that they had my
dog. I told them I didn’t own a dog. They discribed the
dog and I was surprised to find it was my missing dog Raggs.
I went down to pick him up. They fined me because he had
an expired license and he hadnt had his shots for two years.
While I was telling them how wrong it was for these charges
they informed me I owed them for three days room and board
for Raggs also. I paid the fine.
[If it were me I would have just denied the dog was mine.]

I just must say, you made me laugh today. what a concept!
-Gail
[And this wasn't even a spam email about how tiny my penis
is.]

Hiya Lewis! I had to laugh when I read about the car thief
who was attacked by grocery shoppers, one of whom smacked
him in the head with a frozen turkey. He may be the only
person ever to be hospitalized because somebody flipped the
bird at him! -Jody

Lewis, Your anonymity bothers me so much that I ask you to
either identify your self or remove me from your mailing
list. Sincerely, David
[You've figured me out. I'm really Maury Povich.]