Greetings fellow Bizarros:

Before we get started, folks, I would like to welcome all
of the readers from our COFFEE BREAK newsletter who are
joining the Bizarre News cabal. Now that you are members
let’s all say the Bizarre News pledge together:

“I, (STATE YOUR NAME), promise to read Bizarre News faith-
fully and to believe everything that my editor, Lewis,
tells me, no matter how ridiculous it may be, even if he
asks me to send him pictures of myself topless.”

Now let’s get on with today’s Bizarre.

If you don’t mind convulsions and symptoms similar to a
drug overdose you might be able to save yourself a felony
conviction for drug possession if you find yourself in a
situation like Ronald Loyd Hall, Jr. did.

Oklahoma trooper Robert Roebuck stopped Hall for a minor
traffic violation and noticed he appeared to be very
nervous. A search of the vehicle revealed a clear baggy
with what appeared to be a “crystal substance” in it and
a baggy with a “green leafy substance” in it. Officer
Roebuck placed Hall under arrest.

When a wrecker arrived to tow Hall’s vehicle, Roebuck said
he placed the drugs on the center console of the police
unit.

While speaking to Hall’s passenger, the officer noticed Hall
was leaning over the console of the vehicle. When Roebuck
returned to the cruiser, he noticed the bag with the sus-
pected drug was gone.

Hall then reportedly started to convulse and had symptoms
of what police believed to be an overdose.

Coal County District Attorney Preston Harbuck said Hall is
expected to be charged with misdemeanor possession of mari-
juana and drug paraphernalia.

“Since we didn’t have any actual product to send to the lab,
we are unable to file a felony at this time,” Harbuck said.

Of course, in order for this plan to work you have to be
arrested by an officer who will leave you alone in a
cruiser for several minutes with the evidence.

Bizarrely,

Lewis

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Batman Costume – Warning: Cape does not enable user to fly.

European Camera – This camera will only work when film is
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Liquid Plummer – Warning: Do not reuse the bottle to store
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Little Ones Baby Lotion – Keep away from children

Hair Coloring – Do not use as an ice cream topping.

Boot’s Children’s Cough Medicine – Do not drive a car or
run machinery.

***

——– Woman off hook for registering dog to vote ———

TACOMA, Wash. – Charges have been dropped against a Seattle-
area grandmother who registered her Australian shepherd-
terrier mix to vote. Jane Balogh of Federal Way, Wash.,
reached a plea agreement last year that required her to
perform 10 hours of community service at the Tacoma Rescue
Mission and to pay $240 in court costs. On Monday, a judge
dismissed charges of making a false or misleading statement
to a public servant. Balogh said she registered her dog
under the name Duncan M. Donald to demonstrate how easy
voter fraud has become. She used a utility bill in the
dog’s name as identification for voter registration and
to obtain an absentee ballot. She did not vote in the
dog’s name and returned the ballot signed with a paw print.
Balogh said she was sad that no politicians have been in
touch with her about her demonstration. “I’m a nobody. I’m
just a plain old lady who loves her country and nobody is
responding,” Balogh said. “What does it take to get
somebody to listen?”

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——– Man claims Virgin Mary in neighbor’s tree ———

SCARBOROUGH, Ontario – A Scarborough, Ontario, man claims
an image of the Virgin Mary has appeared in the bark of
a tree outside his home. Christopher Moreau, 47, said he
first noticed the image of Jesus’ mother with her arms
outstretched on a tree in his neighbor’s yard last week,
The Toronto Star reported Monday. “I don’t know why it’s
there, but I think it’s a blessing,” Moreau said. “It
raises the hair on your neck, it gives you chills.” Moreau
said the first person he showed the image to was his
mother-in-law, who was given a clear bill of health last
week after a fight with cancer. “At first I thought I was
seeing things,” he said. “Then I went and got my mother-
in-law to tell her. She was overwhelmed by it. She was
crying.” He said the divine image has attracted the
attention of his neighbors, as well. “Some of the neighbors
have seen it and they just started shaking,” Moreau said.

——– Cheerleader uniforms banned from school ———

MONROE, Ohio – Cheerleaders at a Monroe, Ohio, high school
have been banned from wearing their uniforms to school
because the short skirts violate the district dress code.
Administrators at Monroe High School said cheerleaders,
who have traditionally worn their uniforms to Friday pep
rallies before football games, are now being required to
wear clothing over or beneath the skirts while school is
in session because of a new district-wide rule that
requires skirts worn at school to be no shorter than three
inches above the knee, WLWT-TV, Cincinnati, reported. “The
skirts that the cheerleaders wear are very short, and
they’re very tight and they’re slit so they can do the
gymnastics that are required of a cheerleader,” Monroe
Superintendent Elizabeth Lolli said. “You want to have
students wear appropriate clothing during the educational
period of the day, and then after school, wear the
appropriate clothing for the event,” she said. However,
some parents have objected to the new rule. “My daughter
is a senior, this is her last year. We paid for uniforms
and they should be able to wear them on game day,” Becky
Daniel said.

————————————————————
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————————————————————

——— Priest organizes nun beauty contest ———–

MONDRAGONE, Italy – A Mondragone, Italy, priest says he
expects at least 1,000 women to enter his Sister Italia
beauty contest, which is open only to nuns. Father
Antonio Rungi said the Sister Italia contest is a
strictly online venture but he expressed hope that high
participation would allow the event to flourish into a
full-fledged pageant, The Times of London reported
Monday. Rungi said the entrants, who must be between
ages 18 and 40, would be judged primarily on “inner
beauty” and would not be asked to wear swimsuits or any
other revealing outfit. He said the contest is open to
any novices or full members of an order, even if the
order is not based in Italy. “Do you really think nuns
are all wizened, funereal old ladies? Today it’s not
like that any more, thanks to an injection of youth and
vitality brought to our country by foreign girls,” Rungi
said. He said some nuns from Africa and Latin America
are “really very, very pretty. The Brazilian girls above
all.” The priest said voting for the contest will begin
next month.

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Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural.  Get The
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here…F-R-E-E..
<a href=” http://www.gophercentral.com/book/bizarre.html “>
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————————————————————

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Lewis, John from Canada, is clearly dead wrong. If anyone’s
seen “An Inconvenient Truth”, they would know that the U.S.
is the second biggest carbon pollutant producer in the world,
second only to China. Canada may pollute with excessive
garbage and litter, but it’s the air pollutants that could
spell the doom of humanity in the near future. -Hugh
[I think he was trying to say that the United States is much
better than it has been.]

Would someone with common sense run for office in California?
I heard they are looking at bans on electric vehicles because
they don’t make enough noise. Blind people crossing the
street won’t be able to hear them and may get ran over. What
happens if you have a deaf and blind person walking across
the street in California? Does that mean they are headed to
their office in state government? -Danny
[Nobody wants to ban electric cars because they don't make
enough noise. There are much better reasons to ban electric
cars, like the fact that they compete with the oil industry
and they're good for the environment and bad for the economy.]

Lewis, A few years ago I lived in Hawaii and I owed $11 in
overdue library fines. It was just one of those things I
kept forgetting to take care of – until they sent me to
collections and bill collectors started calling my house!
They are VERY serious about those library books in Honolulu!
-K
[At least you didn't get arrested and have the bracelets
snapped on you!]

You are a pig. -Bette Baysinger, Ridgecrest, CA

Regarding the family who discovered the SUV in their backyard
swimming pool: This is what happens when overzealous environ-
mentalists improperly explain the practice of “car pooling”…
-Ed
[You'd better leave the jokes to me, Ed.]