Saturday, March 13, 2010

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

One of the many challenges of parenting three adolescent
boys is keeping up with their flights of fancy. A recent
discussion with my oldest, KJ comes to mind.

KJ recently saw a program on cable about circumcision, of
all things. It seems this particular show was on the dangers
of circumcision and why it is a BS type of ritual.
Suggestions to this 19-year-old on traditions have very
little effect at this point in his life.

He announced one evening at the dinner table that he was
disappointed in his mother and me. When I asked why, he
said ‘for having his penis disfigured’ when he was a wee
lad. He then announced he was unhappy with his circumcision.

His mother and I took a different tact. She began telling
him how cute his ‘mushroom-like’ appendage was. I had to
tell her than no strapping 19-year-old male wants to think
of his penis as ‘cute’. Manly, impressive or gargantuan?
Of course! But cute? No way and he would have none of that.

I explained that circumcisions actually made it easier to
clean your penis. He shot back, “using soap and water
vigorously would do the job,” just as well. When I said
that sounded more like a hand job than a cleaning, he grew
silent. I then told him that we were protecting him from
having a masturbatory experience every time he showered.

Who said parenting was easy?

Bizarrely,

Lewis

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Watch this awesome video revealing some of the world’s
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——– Man allegedly burned home over water bill ——–

FORT LAUDERDALE, Fla. – Police in Florida said a man who
was angry about the size of his water bills found a way
to stop the bills entirely — he blew up his mobile home.
Investigators quoted witnesses as saying Johnny Dossey,
43, coated his Fort Lauderdale mobile home in gasoline
Wednesday and the residence exploded only moments after
he ignited the flames, the Miami Herald reported Thursday.
Fort Lauderdale Fire-Rescue spokesman Matt Little said
firefighters arrived at about 12:30 p.m. and found the
home engulfed in flames. He said Dossey’s home was
destroyed but no neighboring structures were damaged.
Dossey was arrested and charged with arson of a structure.
Police said he may have been intoxicated at the time of
the incident. Neighbor Luis Alvarez, 43, said Dossey was
arguing with his father about the size of his $70 water
bill prior to setting fire to the home. “I guess he got
fed up with it,” Alvarez said, “and that’s the only way
he saw out of it.”

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——— TV host driving 210 miles in coffee car ———

LONDON – A British TV host drove 210 miles from London to
Manchester, England, in a coffee-powered car as part of a
major science fair. Jem Stansfield, one of the hosts of
science-themed TV show “Bang Goes the Theory,” arrived in
Manchester Thursday for this weekend’s Big Bang Science
Fair at Manchester Central, the BBC reported. Stansfield
said before his journey that he was planning to stop at
several schools on the road from London to his destination.
“It’s important for kids to understand that power is not
something that is simply there at the flick of a switch,”
he said. “With the energy challenge facing the world, the
more we encourage children to think about alternative
fuels, where energy is stored and how it can be released,
the better!” The host said his journey would use enough
coffee for 10,000 espressos, and required hourly stops for
filter cleanings.

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of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural. Get The
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here…F-R-E-E!

http://pd.gophercentral.com/u/14380/c/120/a/499

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>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Lewis – I knew I loved you for a reason! Your BMI tax is
indeed a brilliant solution; the “fat cats” would finally
be on the hook for a fair portion of their unfair earnings.
Are you related to Jonathan Swift? Hugs, Lynn

Instead of raising taxes even more, lets just fire half of
our government. The US has the most over paid government
in the world. We certainly do not need that much government,
not to mention their retirement plans. -Liz
[When I read this comment I originally agreed, but then I
looked up what office holders earn. congressmen (and women)
make between $160,000-$200,000. That's really not all that
much. That's before kick-backs and payoffs, of course. In my
opinion I think most of the money is wasted on bureaucracy.]

Will the legislators be subject to the same fat-ass tax? I
would vote for it. BTW, I love your column.

Lewis, your idea to tax people based on how fat they are
makes great sense. The very overweight are among those
most likely to put a heavier burden on the health care
industry, especially government sponsored health care like
Medicaid and Medicare, so why not make them pay more into
it? Will you be running for political office anytime soon?
-Tabitha

Lewis – The ‘pizza & soda tax’ is a key component of the
health care reform bill, the most intrusive and heavy
handed bill ever proposed in Congress. What you’re seeing
here is support for one of the talking points of the bill,
which is designed to control every aspect of our lives.
-John
[Actually, that whole idea was a suggestion from the American
Medical Association. Let's put the blame where it's due.]

How about we reduce food stamps and welfare payments by
double the percentage someone is overweight? If you can
eat that much, you don’t need our money for food, you’ll
be healthier and won’t need our money for health care!
Someone 20% overweight would get 40% less benefits.
-A Simple Thinker

I think this is a brilliant idea! Let’s go one step further
and set the tax to 1% per pound above the ideal weight, with
a 10 pounds over “grace”. You could also tax couches and
remote controls so we’d have less couch potatoes. Just a
thought…
[Now you're getting into the spirit! We can solve all of our
country's problems with taxes!]

—————— END OF READER COMMENTS ——————

Well, that is a wrap for Bizarre News. How did we do?
Send comments and questions to: mailto:lewis@gophercentral.com

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END OF BIZARRE NEWS
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