Greetings fellow Bizarros:

It was just last week that we did a story about a woman in
Texas who brained her boyfriend with a picture frame and
tried to stab him with a sword during an argument over un-
washed dishes. Today’s story is a little more romantic, it
involves a wedding proposal…but the assault charges are
the same.

Authorities in Hudson, Florida, said they have arrested a
woman who allegedly threw knives at her boyfriend during
an argument about a marriage proposal.

The Pasco County Sheriff’s Office said Celeste Irene Lagrant,
39, was charged with domestic battery and aggravated domestic
assault after she allegedly punched, scratched and threw
knives at her boyfriend, Bruce Montle.

The office said the dispute began as an argument about a
marriage proposal — however, it is unclear whether one was
made — and escalated into a physical confrontation when
Lagrant inflicted scratches and bruises on Montle.

Montle told authorities he fled and dialed 911 after Lagrant
started throwing knives at him. Lagrant was released on her
own recognizance.

Bizarrely,

Lewis

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+—————- Bizarre Board Game Facts —————–+

The Egyptian game of Senet was a best-seller some 4,000
years ago. Even King Tut had one. He liked it so much he was
buried with it.

The first American board game, “The Mansion of Happiness,”
was produced in 1843. Its theme was Victorian: players tried
to avoid Passion, Idleness, Cruelty, Immodesty, and
Ingratitude. Drunkenness was punished by a trip to the
stocks.

In 1860, Milton Bradley bought a lithographic press and
began printing board games. His first game was called “The
Checkered Game of Life.” Object: Get to “happy old age”
while avoiding “disgrace” and “ruin.”

Mark Twain invented a game he called “Mark Twain’s Memory
Builder: A Game for Acquiring and Retaining All Sorts of
Facts and Dates.” In the introduction to the rules he wrote:
“Many public school children seem to know only two dates -
1492 and 4th of July; but as a rule they don’t know what
happened on either occasion. It is because they have not
had a chance to play this game.

The earliest board game on record is the royal game of Ur,
which was invented more than 4,000 years ago in Mesopotamia,
the site of present-day Iraq. It was a “race” game; the
first player to complete the course was the winner. Moves
were governed by throwing dice-like objects. Archaeologists
believe it is the forerunner of backgammon.

Parcheesi, the original male chauvinist game, was created in
the 1500s in India by Akbar the Great. It was played in the
palace courtyard with young women as game pawns. “Home” was
originally the emperor’s throne.

In 1988, the 23rd foreign language version of Monopoly was
manufactured – in the USSR. Among the changes: a Russian
bear token, real estate names corresponding to Moscow
locations (Broadway became the Arbat Mall) and rubles
instead of dollars.

***

——– University hands out bill, not diploma ———-

HIGH WYCOMBE, England – An English university student said
that the school administration deliberately humiliated her
by handing her a bill for library fines instead of a
diploma. Ann Watt, 52, said that what made the day worse
was that her mother, husband and children had come to see
her graduate from Bucks New University, The Daily Mail
reported. She had also paid the university 20 pounds
(almost $40) for a photograph that shows her being handed
the letter, which was in a sealed envelope. “I have paid
for a photograph of me receiving a rude letter,” she
complained. University officials say that all students are
warned that they cannot receive their degrees until they
settle all outstanding debts, although they are allowed
to attend the graduation ceremony. “As a publicly funded
body, we have a duty to recover any outstanding debts,
and this can prove difficult once students have left us,”
David Gay, an administrator, told the Bucks Free Press.

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——— San Francisco clowns pose nude for MS ———–

SAN FRANCISCO – A group of San Francisco clown college
graduates said they are raising money for victims of
multiple sclerosis with a nude clown calendar. Twenty-
one members of the Clown Conservatory Class of 2008 posed
for the 2009 Naked Clown Calendar, which is being sold
to raise funds for a teacher who was paralyzed by MS
and others afflicted with the disease, the Contra Costa
(Calif.) Times reported Thursday. “Our goal was to create
this sort of craziness in your mind,” said Chad Benjamin
Potter, the clown who organized the project. “When you
think of clowns you think of costumes and makeup and
hair. When you think naked clowns, that’s something else
entirely.” Potter said the clowns who posed for the
calendar did manage to preserve some modesty by keeping
their naughty bits covered. “But of course we wanted to
do something that everyone can enjoy,” Potter said “I am
going to sell (the calendar) to my grandmother and I also
want to sell it to my niece and my nephew.”

——— Couple spots stolen van 12 hours later ———-

MILWAUKEE – A Wisconsin couple whose minivan was stolen in
the morning got it back in the afternoon when they spotted
it as they drove home from work. But Kevin and Holly Gray
of Brown Deer say the 12-year-old vehicle suffered enough
damage in the subsequent police chase and stop Tuesday
afternoon that repairs aren’t worth it. They plan to sell
it for scrap. Still, they appreciate getting it back and
seeing two alleged thieves arrested. The Grays were on I-43
heading north from Milwaukee to Brown Deer when they saw a
familiar Dodge Caravan a little bit ahead of them. “We just
both looked at each other for a moment,” Holly Gray told
the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel. “I said, ‘That looks like
our van.’ Kevin said, ‘I think it is. Let me go and see if
it is.’” There were four young men in the Caravan. Police
stopped them and arrested a 16-year-old and a 19-year-old
but the driver and another passenger escaped.

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——– Man used Plexiglas dummy in carpool lane ———

RIVERHEAD, N.Y. – The Suffolk County, N.Y., Sheriff’s
Office says a man was ticketed after admitting to using
a Plexiglas doll to drive in a carpool-only lane. The
office said a deputy noticed Steven Dinowitz, 51, driving
in a Long Island Expressway high-occupancy vehicle lane
with a fake person riding the passenger seat, Newsday
reported. “One of our deputy sheriffs, he noticed the
front seat passenger looked… unusual,” said Michael
Sharkey, the sheriff’s chief of staff. “He stopped the
vehicle, and it was a two- or three-piece construction of
Plexiglas, dressed in clothing to appear to be a passenger.”
Sharkey said Dinowitz admitted to dressing the Plexiglas
like a person to get to and from work faster. “You get
enough people doing stuff like that, and it totally defeats
the purpose of having an HOV lane,” Sharkey said. “It’s
not limiting it to people who are carpooling.” Dinowitz
was ticketed and released.

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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

I’m against the $85,000,000,000.00 bailout of AIG. Instead,
I’m in favor of giving $85,000,000,000 to America in a We
Deserve It Dividend. To make the math simple, let’s assume
there are 200,000,000 U.S. Citizens 18+. Our population is
about 301,000,000 counting every man, woman and child. So
200,000,000 might be a fair stab at adults 18 and up. So
divide 200 million adults 18+ into $85 billon that equals
$425,000. My plan is to give $425,000 to every person 18+
as a We Deserve It Dividend.
[Uuuh...I think you're off by a decimal. 85 billion divided
by 200 million is $425, not $425,000.]

Lewis, I want to alert you that you should provide the
following disclaimer in your publication: “Warning – reading
this material during breakfast could cause one to laugh with
sufficient force as to eject one’s coffee through one’s nasal
passages. Proceed at your own risk.” Keep up the good work.
-David Chambers, Tallahassee, FL.
[This isn't a bad idea. You remember the woman who sued
McDonald's for two million dollars because she spilled hot
coffee on her vagina? We don't have that kind of money.]

As far as her ‘extreme liberal’ remark, I think she is
typical of the extreme republican wackos who elected a
temp-for-hire first primate, who’s on the job training has
destroyed the US economy and US credibility throughout the
world, and now wants to foist another temp-for-hire moron,
to intern in the post of finishing the job.  The scope of
idiocy of the extreme right wing takes my breath away. How
did a constituency of those who purport to place the US
first, work so hard to leave the US last!?
-Fredric from Arizona
[The thing to remember is that conservatism and Republican-
ism are no longer the same thing. Republicans are SUPPOSED
to promote smaller government and less interference in
private life...however under G.W. Bush the federal govern-
ment has grown by the largest margin since Roosevelt and
The New Deal.]

On the self defense issue, just tell the officer that the
burglar stumbled and fell on three of your bullets.

If you are going to shoot an intruder carry a “Throw down
gun” (a cheap gun that you throw down on the ground or floor
next to the corpse) Then you can say “It was either him or
me, but I shot first.”  I guess it would work the same if
you put one of your kitchen knifes in his hand. Just be
careful of fingerprints. -John
[That's why I always sleep with latex gloves on.]

So, the pigs escaped the slaughterhouse and killed the
protestors in the process. I wondered why my Bacon tasted
funny.

Apparently women do everything more than men. Today you say
we blink more, in the past we talk more. Now I’d like some
research on do we have more orgasms than men. I know we can
have more at one time than a man. Lucky us. Poor men, just
can’t keep up with women at anything. -Patti
[Yeah, it's too bad we make all the money.]