Greetings fellow Bizarros:

It just wouldn’t be Thanksgiving without a frozen turkey
assault. Except this time the turkey was used against a
perpetrator.

North Carolina authorities say a shopper clubbed an alleged
carjacker with a frozen turkey as he tried to steal a woman’s
car in a grocery store parking lot.

Police say 30-year-old Fred Louis Ervin of Raleigh stole
money from a gas station before running across the street
to a Harris Teeter store in a town just south of Raleigh.
Garner police say he began beating Irene Moorman Bailey
while stealing her car.

Other shoppers came to her rescue, including one who hit
Ervin with the turkey. Police did not release the person’s
name.

Despite serious head injuries, Ervin got away in Bailey’s
car and hit several other cars as he fled. But police
arrested him a short time later.

He faces several charges including assault inflicting serious
injury. Ervin was hospitalized Monday in good condition, a
hospital spokeswoman said.

Bizarrely,

Lewis

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+—————- Bizarre Health Holidays —————–+

Self Improvement Month–September 1-31

Red Cross Month–March 1-31

National Eye Health Care Month–January 1-31

National Eye Exam Month–August 1-31

National Fiber Focus Month–January 1-31

National Joy Germ Day–January 8

Virus Appreciation Day–October 3

Use Even if Seal is Broken Day–November 24

Toothache Day–February 9

Foot Health Month–March 1-31

Foot Health Month–August 1-31

Fungal Infection Awareness Month–May 1-31

Cancer in the Sun Month–June 1-30

Stay Out of the Sun Day–July 3

Stress Awareness Month–April 1-30

National Stress Awareness Day–April 16

National Stress Free Family Holiday Month–December 1-31

National Anxiety Month–April 1-30

Better Sleep Month–May 1-31

May is Better Hearing Month–May 1-31

National Arthritis Month–May 1-31

White Cane Safety Day–October 15

***

——— Missing dog found after almost 5 years ———-

PLEASANTVILLE, N.J. – A Pleasantville, N.J., family said
their pet dachshund, which went missing nearly five years
ago, has been found by a Pittsburgh animal shelter. Edna
Colon, 18, said her mother, Elda Arguello, received a
letter from the Animal Rescue League of Western Pennsyl-
vania informing her that the male dachshund, named Tootsie,
was found as a stray in Pittsburgh. The shelter tracked a
microchip implanted in the animal back to Arguello and her
family, WPVI-TV, Philadelphia, reported Monday. Colon
said several members of the family planned to travel to
Harrisburg, Pa., for a reunion with their long-lost pet,
who was about 6 months old when he went missing from
Arguello’s yard nearly five years ago. “We appreciate the
Animal Rescue League. If not for them and the microchip,
we would never have seen Tootsie again. Because (the
Animal Rescue League) understands animal lovers, they did
all that they could to find us. We are so thankful to (the
organization) and their work to get Tootsie back to our
family,” Colon said.

————————————————————
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———– Pardoned turkey going to Disneyland ————

WASHINGTON – United Airlines says it will help the turkey
that dodges Thanksgiving dinner at the White House make
its getaway to Disneyland this week. The airline will strap
the lucky bird into a first-class seat Wednesday for a non-
stop flight from Washington to LAX and then on to Orange
County and a date as grand marshal of the annual Thanks-
giving parade at Disneyland. President George W. Bush is
set to issue the traditional Thanksgiving pardon Wednesday,
freeing the bird and a companion for the holidays. A United
spokesman told Crain’s Chicago Business Disney annually
buys out the entire first-class cabin for the turkey
delegation, which includes the caged turkey and a group
from the National Turkey Federation.

———- Britain sells out of bacon chocolate ————

LONDON – The only British store to stock chocolate bars
infused with bacon said its entire stock of the unusual
candies sold out within 48 hours of hitting the shelves.
Officials with Selfridges said the department store has
ordered a new supply of Mo’s Bacon Bar, which features
chunks of applewood smoked bacon and smoked salt in milk
chocolate, from Chicago-based manufacturer Vosges Haut-
Chocolat with an aim to have the candies back on sale in
time for the Christmas holiday, The Daily Telegraph
reported Monday. “Bacon and chocolate sounds like a strange
combination, but the execution is fantastic,” said Ewan
Venters, food and restaurant director for Selfridges. “It’s
a real explosion of flavors and people love it.” “There has
been a real revolution in luxury chocolate, as there was
with wine a few years ago. People are much more knowledge-
able about it and there is a growing demand for these high
quality, exotic products instead of a box of Milk Tray,”
Venters said. Vosges Haut-Chocolat’s line of unusual foods
mixed with chocolate includes mushrooms, sweet Indian
curry and Mexican ancho and chipotle chillies.

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————————————————————

———- Couple thinks creaky couch is haunted ———–

BRISTOL, England – Christine Strange and her husband,
Nigel, say a couch in their home in the British city of
Bristol makes mysterious noises because they believe it’s
haunted. Strange, 52, said the creaking noise from the
leather couch began randomly one recent weekend and the
couple has been unable to determine what has been causing
the strange noise, The Daily Telegraph said Monday. “One
Sunday morning I sat down on it with a cup of tea and
suddenly heard this odd squeaky noise,” she said. “I
thought I must be going mad but Poppy, my Yorkshire
terrier, heard it too.” Strange said her 54-year-old
husband has also been mystified by the unusual noise that
they have compared to a clock being wound up, the Telegraph
reported. “It could be an alien for all we know,” Strange
told the newspaper of the possible cause of the racket
from the couch. “The noise is getting louder and louder.
I’m scared it’s going to come bursting out one evening
while we’re watching TV.”

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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Margaux is not the first person to act upon her impulses
to mutilate a Barbie doll. She might be the first to make
a living at it, though. I do not find myself repulsed or
even frightened of her artwork. But I am frightened of her
psychiatry bill. -Brian
[Spend a lot of time taking out your aggressions on Barbie
dolls, Brian? Or are you talking about a "friend".]

I think the comment about “Louisianians being illerate” is
totally rude and uncalled for. I lived in Louisiana for 54
years and now I have moved to Texas and I havent found any
difference in the literacy that I saw in Louisiana.
[I'm sure you didn't find much difference in the literacy
levels between Louisiana and Texas.]

Lewis, last issue you put a comment from John. This dumbass
f*cker needs to be placed in what he refers to as “a
relatively safe place” and see if he has the same opinion!
He is also a stupid ass-hole by calling the people in mental
health facilities “those poor bastards.” He does not realize
that people from all walks of life are admitted on mental
health units because they know and realize they need help,
which is a lot more than can be said for that dumb, poor,
crazy bastard John. Your comments were more appropriate and
are much more intelligent. You seem to understand. -J.T.

Lewis, you wrote that, “Rodriguez was charged with domestic
battery, child abuse and improper use of a condiment.” Im-
proper use of a condiment??? U have got to be chitting me!
If it was salsa, could this be considered as a hate crime?
-James
[Giving salsa to a baby would be both an improper use of a
condiment...whipping a sandwich at a baby (or at a mother
who is driving with a baby in the car) would be considered
child abuse.]