Greetings fellow Bizarros:

In case some of you people are still disinclined to believe
me, here is yet another in a long series of reasons that
have presented in Bizarre News why kids should be beaten,
and regularly.

Police in Florida say a 15-year-old boy flew into a rage,
attacking his mother and older brother over changes made
to the family computer.

Palm Bay police investigators said the teenager became
angry after learning of the computer privilege changes
and chased his mother with a knife, pushing her repeatedly
before striking his older brother with a sugar cane, of
all things to use as a weapon.

The teenager, who allegedly told police he had felt
threatened by his mother and brother, was taken to a
Juvenile Detention Center. He was charged with aggravated
assault and battery.

Bizarrely,

Lewis

————————————————————

+—————- Bizarre Holidays Part 1——————+
SEPTEMBER

September 1 is Emma M. Nutt Day

September 2 is National Beheading Day

September 3 is Skyscraper Day

September 4 is Newspaper Carrier Day

September 5 is Be Late For Something Day

September 6 is Fight Procrastination Day

September 7 is Neither Rain Nor Snow Day

September 8 is National Date Nut Bread Day and Pardon Day

September 9 is Teddy Bear Day

September 10 is Swap Ideas Day

September 11 is No News Is Good News Day

September 12 is National Pet Memorial Day and National
Chocolate Milkshake Day

September 13 is Defy Superstition Day

September 14 is National Cream-filled Donut Day

September 15 is Felt Hat Day

***

———- Fat cat must remain publicity hound ————

CAMDEN, N.J. – An overweight cat must maintain its
popularity as part of an adoption agreement by its owners,
animal control officials in New Jersey say. Camden County
Animal Shelter officials have contacted the adoptive owners
of Prince Chunk to inform them the once 44-pound cat must
continue making public appearances to capitalize on the
popularity of its recent rescue, the New York Post said
Friday. “When you expressed interest in adopting ‘Prince
Chunk,’ your family was aware of the special circumstances
surrounding him,” a letter from the site to the cat’s
adoptive family said. The cat’s popular adventures began
after it was spotted in a pet store cage in Camden County,
where it was taunted on a regular basis due to its weight.
Enough funds were eventually raised through a save-a-stray
campaign to free the animal and area media turned its
rescue in a veritable circus, the Post reported.Meanwhile,
the New York Daily News said all the ongoing attention to
the cat may soon fall away as the feline has slimmed down.
Prince Chunk’s owner, Donna Damiani, told the newspaper
that since its adoption, the animal has lost half of its
weight and currently only weighs 22 pounds.

————————————————————
Glow In The Dark Door Knob Grippers (Set of 2)

Normal Price: $7.99
DEAL PRICE: $2.99
Get Two Packs (4 grippers) for $4.98

You’ll always be able to find the door with these innovative
Glow In The Dark Door Knob Grippers.

In each package you get a set of 2 door knob grippers.
Molded with prominent ridges, it makes it easier to grip
and turn slippery round door knobs, whether you use your
hand, fist or elbow!

Their non-skid, cushiony texture gives a comfortable, pain-
free grip for anyone with arthritis, limited grasp or small
hands. But the feature that you may just love is that they
glow-in-the-dark. Make your door knobs visible at night and
you’ll always be able to locate the door knob and navigate
in or out of a room. Remember you can get 2 packages
(4 grippers) for $4.98… Check It Out By Visiting:

http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/499/l/d056d4

<a href=”http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/499/l/d056d4″>
Glow In The Dark Door Knob Grippers (Set of 2)</a>
————————————————————

——— Film crew claims footage may be monster ———-

OSTERSUND, Sweden – A Swedish TV station has captured
footage that it claims might depict the country’s legendary
Storsjoodjuret sea monster in the north of the country.
Svergies Television said cameras set up at the Storsjon
lake captured footage that shows a blurry, long and narrow
silhouette that might belong to the Storsjoodjuret, or
Great Lake Sea Monster, Swedish news agency TT reported.
“(The video) clearly shows that it’s warm and is made up
of cells, otherwise our cameras wouldn’t indicate red, so
it can be a sea snake or some other kind of sea animal,”
a member of the film crew said. The TV station said 30
cameras will be set up to monitor the lake by 2009 to watch
for signs of the beast, which was first mentioned in print
in 1635, The Telegraph (Britain) reported. More than 200
sightings of the Storsjoodjuret have been reported in
Sweden.

——— Baggy pants trip up fleeing suspect ———–

ATLANTA – An Atlanta man trying to escape from police
tripped and fell as he tried to hold his baggy pants up,
officers said. Emmanuel Uzowihe, 21, allegedly pointed a
gun at the police officers as he lay on the ground, the
Atlanta Journal-Constitution reported. He was shot and
wounded. The incident near the Fulton County Courthouse
began when police tried to pull Uzowihe over because of
a traffic violation. He allegedly stopped his white Toyota
sedan but jumped out and ran away. Anthony Gentile, a
police investigator, said an officer followed Uzowihe,
ordering him several times to stop. Darrell Jackson said
he saw Uzowihe run past, cursing. Other witnesses and
police said Uzowihe already allegedly had his gun out
while he was running. “He was running pretty fast,”
Jackson said. “The only thing that messed him up is he
was trying to pull his pants up.”

————————————————————
SET OF 20 SUPER HOOKS
Simply Clever… Just Push & Turn…

Normal Price: $14.99
DEAL PRICE: $5.99
Get 2 Sets (40 hooks total) for $9.98

Say goodbye to your hammer and nails. Now you can hang
pictures, mirrors, shelves or more FAST, EASY, and more
SECURELY than every before.

With these clever Super Hooks, all you do is just position,
twist, turn and voila!! No drills, no hammers, no mess.

You get a set of 20.

Works on drywall, plaster or paneling. Perfect for home,
office, or school. Holds up to 100 lbs.

http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/499/l/5k03d7

<a href=”http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/499/l/5k03d7″>
SUPER HOOKS – Simply Clever… Just Push & Turn</a>
————————————————————

——– Yank fan’s 7th-inning stretch from hell ———-

NEW YORK – A New York Yankees fan says he might sue after
he was allegedly ejected for trying to use the Yankee
Stadium men’s room while a patriotic song was playing.
Bradford Campeau-Laurion told WCBS-TV in New York Thursday
that the seventh-inning stretch seemed like an opportune
time for a pit stop during Tuesday’s game against Boston.
However a police officer allegedly blocked his departure
until the traditional recording of “God Bless America” was
finished playing. Campeau-Laurion said when he protested
that his priority at the moment was the rest room, two
officers pinned his arms behind him and gave him the bum’s
rush out the gate. “He shoved me out the front gate and
told me get out of their country if I didn’t like it,”
Campeau-Laurion said to the television station. A police
spokesman told WCBS that Campeau-Laurion was abusive and
appeared to be drunk, which Campeau-Laurion and the person
he was attending the game with both denied. The Yankees
have a policy that prohibits fans from wandering around
when “God Bless America” is playing, but the American
Civil Liberties Union said having the police throw someone
out for simply wanting to use the bathroom probably
crossed the line, WCBS said.

————————————————————
Glow In The Dark Stair Guides (Set of 6)

Retail Price: $19.99
OUR PRICE: $12.99

Absorbs both Sun AND Electrical Light for improved night
visibility…. Inside our Outside!

Use indoors or out… these Glow in the Dark Stair Guides
absorb both sun and electrical light-to avoid tripping and
slipping. No electricity, batteries or dangerous cords
needed!. Simply attach with double-sided adhesive tape
(included) to wood, brick, and cement steps. Made of
durable Polystyrene it will hold up to almost any element.
Each stair guide is: 8″ x 1″ x 1″

Save even more when you buy two sets or more.
Order one (1 set of 6) for just $12.99
SAVE $6.00 and get two sets (12 in all) for $19.98
SAVE $9.00 and get three sets (18 in all ) for $29.97
SAVE $12.00 and get four sets (24 in all) for $39.96

At these affordable prices you can add them to your whole
house.

http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/499/l/qk12p4

<a href=”http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/499/l/qk12p4″>
Glow In The Dark Stair Guides (Set of 6)</a>
————————————————————

Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural.  Get The
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here…F-R-E-E..
<a href=” http://www.gophercentral.com/book/bizarre.html “>
Bizarre Uncensored</a>

————————————————————

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Isn’t Bizzare News a members only club?  Shouldn’t the
current faithful members be able to vote on new members
joining our beloved news letter? Why should lewis be the
only one to judge. Sure he’s President, but shouldn’t the
current members have a say in this? This is America! I
demand a vote!  I say post the new pledges (coffee break)
topless pics online for all to see.  All in favor say
“Nipples”!

Talk about dead wrong: My first question about “An Incon-
venient Truth” is where he got the hockey stick graph at
the beginning of the movie. You are right that the US pro-
duces more CO2 than Canada. However they produce far less
per person than Canada and like Canada their outputs are
primarily stable. Here is the thing: Unlike CO2 I have
solid proof DDT and other chemicals kill things. The EPA
actually does something about it and it shows. The US is
the least contaminated country in the world with the
strictest enforced environmental laws. That is just the
inconvenient truth of the matter. -John
[You're right about the EPA, anyway. They are a bunch of
Nazis. Industry can be responsible...if it's forced to be,
but the EPA doesn't seem to want any industry at all!]

It might have been nice if you put  a picture of the Virgin
Mary on your site. -Wil
[Well...I only know one Mary and believe me, she's no virgin.]

Watching Nuns in a beauty contest could become habit forming.
-Jim.
[I just deleted your address from the email list, Jim.]

Any idiot that believes one word of “An Inconvenient Truth”
should know that Al Gore is one of the biggest carbon dioxide
“pollutant” producers in the world. The fact that people buy
into this global warming hoax to begin with is truly bizarre.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go let my car idle with
the air conditioner on. -Matt
[Nobody KNOWS is global warming is real or not. It's a theory.
But, like I like to point out, curbing pollution and industrial
poison is a good idea, and eventually necessary, whether global
warming is real or not.]