Greetings fellow Bizarros:

There is an old saying that goes…the most frightening
thing a person can hear is, ‘I’m from the government and
I’m here to help.’ The government is famous for world class
screw ups, and while this one may not be world class, I
think we could all see this one coming a mile away.

The first story came out last week. An 83-year-old Maryland
man said he was shocked to receive a federal stimulus check
addressed to his mother, who’s been dead since 1967.

Social Security Administration officials said the mid-June
deadline for mailing out the checks does not leave enough
time for thorough examinations of the program’s records.
They said an estimated 10,000 of the 52 million checks that
have been mailed out were addressed to deceased people.

And just today I saw a story on myfoxny.com that pretty
much said the same thing. In their story, Antoniette
Santopadre of Valley Stream was expecting a $250 stimulus
check, but when her son finally opened it, they saw that
the check was made out to her father, Romolo Romonini, who
died in Italy 34 years ago. He’d been a U.S. citizen when
he left for Italy in 1933, but only returned to the United
States for a seven-month visit in 1969.

The feds blame a rushed schedule, because all the checks
have to be cut by June. The strange thing is, some of the
checks were made out to people — like Romonini — who were
never even part of the Social Security system.

So apparently there are so many holes in the system that
dead people from Italy are drifting in. That should make
you feel confident!

Bizarrely,

Lewis

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+———————- Bizarre Laws ———————-+
FLORIDA

Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer,
as can the salon owner.

A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting
on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing.

If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking
fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle.

It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a
swimsuit.

Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.

Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal.

You may not fart in a public place after 6 PM on Thursdays.

Oral sex is illegal.

You may not kiss your wife’s breasts.

Horse theft is still punishable by hanging.

***

——— Blagojevich shampoo is ‘Bleep’n Golden’ ———-

ELK GROVE, Ill. – An Illinois company is marketing hair
care products inspired by and named after disgraced former
Gov. Rod Blagojevich. Dennis Fath of Delta Laboratories in
the Chicago suburb of Elk Grove said he “woke up in the
middle of the night” with the idea for “Blago It’s Bleep’n
Golden Volumizing Shampoo and Conditioner,” WMAQ-TV,
Chicago, reported Thursday. “He does have a nice head of
hair, and (I thought) it would be funny to have something
named after him because of his hair,” Fath said. Fath said
the shampoo and conditioner sell for $8 each, or $15 for a
set of both. He said the products, which are only available
at blagohair.com, have so far sold fewer than 100 bottles.

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——— Coupon: $1 million off condo purchase ———-

PALM BEACH, Fla. – A Florida real estate broker said he
has been distributing coupons for $1 million off the price
of a condo to help sell a luxury Palm Beach property.
Rusty Gulden said the coupons he had printed in the Palm
Beach Daily News, which expire May 31, offer to reduce
the price of a 2,000-square-foot unit at the Sun & Surf
condo in Palm Beach from $3.7 million to $2.7 million,
the Palm Beach Post reported Thursday. Gulden said the
coupon is aimed at helping him move the property despite
the current state of the luxury housing market. “The
volume is significantly off — you don’t need a Ph.D.
in finance to know that,” Gulden said. He said the coupon
has generated a lot of interest in the unit. “I’ve been
busier than a one-armed paper hanger showing it,” he said.

——— Man accused of biting another man’s ear ———-

KENOSHA, Wis. – Police in Wisconsin said a man was arrested
for allegedly biting off part of another man’s ear during
an argument that turned into a physical confrontation.
Kenosha police said Antoine Parks was arrested early Monday
morning at the home of the 30-year-old victim, who was
taken to Froedtert Hospital in Wauwatosa, Wis., for surgery
to repair his ear, the Kenosha News reported Thursday. The
victim told police that Parks is a relative of his girl-
friend and had been staying at their home. He said Parks
became angry after he was asked to leave and attacked him
with a hammer while the two men were packing Parks’ belong-
ings. Police said the victim attempted to defend himself
with a screwdriver and Parks bit part of the man’s ear off
during the ensuing struggle. Parks initially surrendered
to police but was stunned with a Taser while trying to flee
moments later. He charged with suspicion of mayhem and
resisting arrest. Police in Appleton, Wis., also issued a
warrant for Parks on a charge of causing property damage.

————————————————————
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———- California crash victim lands in tree ———–

SACRAMENTO – Firefighters say a woman was hurled high into
a tree after a car crash on a Sacramento freeway, and
survived the accident. “The female passenger had been
ejected from the car and thrown up and over the sound wall
which is about 12 feet high,” a fire department report
said. “She landed in a tree in the backyard. The tree
actually cushioned her fall, which enabled her to survive.”
The woman was in a car with her husband when the crash
occurred Wednesday on Highway 99. The first engine company
responding to the accident report couldn’t find anyone in
the wrecked vehicle, but another unit responding to a
medical-aid call at a nearby house discovered two victims
- one on the ground and another stuck in a plum tree. The
woman’s husband, who had been driving, apparently was able
to get around the high wall, despite serious injures, to
try to help his wife. A resident, Sarah Rochan, told KOVR-
TV in Sacramento: “That was the Lord. It wasn’t her time
to go.”

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Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural. Get The
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here…F-R-E-E..
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————————————————————

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Dear Lewis..Just wanted to comment on Marty’s comment in
the last issue. Shellac is actually traditionally made
from beetles, not petroleum. so its 100% natural. The
veggie car- while still being a bad idea- would be good
to go! -Katie
[Bad news for Paul and Ringo.]

…that commented on the veggie car: “put some shellac
(made of those nasty petroleum products) or other pre-
servative on it” That shellac is 100% organic, made from
secretions from the Lac bug mixed into alcohol (usually
methanol, wood alcohol, but it could be ethanol, grain
alcohol, too). It’s natural, water-proof and edible.
-Mr. Bill
[Wow. There seems to be a lot of shellac experts on the
list.]

“…body modification enthusiast”? Is that the same thing
as the old freak shows where you could pay a quarter to
see a weird woman known as the Tattooed Lady? And you were
allowed to make comments about her intellectual prowess?
[Yes. Yes, it is.]

“It is illegal for men and women over the age of 18 to have
less than one missing tooth visible when smiling.” Man!
Arizona;s pretty harsh, forcing every adult to have at least
1 missing tooth. -Ather
[If you can't afford to have a tooth removed you can go to
any police station in Arizona and a cop with knock one out
for you free of charge with the butt of his pistol.]

You’re only allowed 2 dildos in Arizona?! What woman in her
right mind would want more than 2 husbands anyway? -Beth
[Sounds like you have a happy marriage. Does your husband
drink a lot?]

—————— END OF READER COMMENTS ——————