Is NASA hiding secrets from the American people on the orders
of the federal government?

The space race was won forty years ago when the United States
landed on the moon before the Soviet Union, but since then
there has been a lot of secrecy concerning the details of the
moon landings. What exactly went on up there and what did the
astronauts discover?

New sources have recently come forward suggesting that NASA
has been suppressing photographic evidence of ancient ruins of
artificial origin on the moon.

You would think news of this magnitude would be impossible
to suppress, but what if the stakes were high enough to
justify any cost to keep the secret safe? What if the stakes
were the fate of human civilization itself?

Could the discoveries on the moon have launched research into
alternative energies technologies such as anti gravity and
nuclear fusion? How long would it take to reverse engineer
technologies like these from ruined hints potentially tens
of thousands of years old? Forty years or more?

Is it only a coincidence that Helium-3, the non-radioactive
isotope which most physicists believe is the ideal (and
perhaps only) fuel capable of sustaining nuclear fusion is
so much more abundant on the Moon than on Earth?

While thinking about these questions consider that NASA is
getting ready to abandon its current fleet of space shuttles
for a revolutionary, long-range model that is still being
designed. And this is in advance of plans to build a permanent
base on the mood to be finished by 2024.

Are we on the threshold of the greatest revolution and
revelation in human history?

Bizarrely,

Lewis

P.S. Now You Can Follow BIZARRE NEWS on TWITTER:

http://twitter.com/MyBizarreNews

Follow Your Favorite GopherCentral Publications on Twitter:

http://www.gophertweets.com/

————————————————————

+————— Bizarre December Holidays —————-+

December 21 is Look At The Bright Side Day, National
Flashlight Day, National French Fried Shrimp Day, and
Hamburger Day

December 22 is National Date-Nut Bread Day

December 23 is Roots Day

December 24 is National Egg Nog Day

December 25 is National Pumpkin Pie Day

December 26 is National Whiners Day

December 27 is National Fruitcake Day

December 28 is Card Playing Day and National Chocolate Day

December 29 is Pepper Pot Day

December 30 is Festival Of Enormous Changes At The Last
Minute and National Bicarbonate Of Soda Day

December 31 is Unlucky Day

————————————————————

———- Worker apologizes for chicken licking ———–

PRESTON, England – A former employee at a British grocery
store apologized for videotaped shenanigans including
licking raw chickens. Adeel Ayub, 60, apologized for his
actions in the videos, which were taken before he left the
company in 2006, after supermarket chain Asda said it was
investigating his actions at the Preston, England, store,
the Lancaster Evening Post reported Monday. The videos
include footage of Ayub licking raw chickens that were
returned to shelves, urinating into a trash bin, destroy-
ing awards earned by the store, slashing coworkers’ cloth-
ing and setting off fire extinguishers. “I know there is
no excuse for my atrocious behavior and I am truly sorry
for what I did back then. I express my profound apologies
to Asda and to its staff and customers,” Ayub said. Police
said they are reviewing CCTV footage from the Asda store.

————————————————————

———– Man feeds family on discarded bets ————

NEW YORK – A New York man said he has cashed in nearly
half a million dollars worth of betting slips during
the past 10 years without buying a single ticket. Jesus
Leonardo, 57, said losing a betting slip a decade ago
led him to discover nearly $2,000 in discarded slips in
an off-track betting parlor’s trash can, The New York
Times reported Tuesday. Leonardo, who is married with
two teenage children, said he now supports his family
with the $100 to $300 he makes per day collecting 2,000
to 7,000 discarded tickets from five betting parlors in
the city. “This has become my job, my life,” he said.
“This is how I feed my family.” “At first, my wife thought
I was crazy, but then she realized I was finding a lot of
money in winning tickets, sometimes $200 a day,” he said.
“After a while, she didn’t think I was so crazy.” Leonardo
said he spends hours in front of ticket machines to scan
each discarded ticket. “It is such exhausting work that
I give myself a lunch hour,” he said.

————————————————————
Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural. Get The
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here…F-R-E-E!

http://pd.gophercentral.com/u/14380/c/120/a/499

————————————————————

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Lewis, If he actually changed his name to Monster Munch,
which apparently he did, wouldn’t that cause some copyright
infringements if he tries to use his name for a business
later in life? -Gary
[Only if he goes into business manufacturing kid's break-
fast cereals.]

Howdy! I would like to pose one question to ‘global warming’
supporters; If you really think you have the technology to
control CO2 emissions, not just restrictions, why haven’t
you controlled snowstorms, earthquakes, landslides,
tornadoes, ice storms, and the like? Where is the science
on that? Real science has been blocked, erased, destroyed
by money/power hungry opportunists (read ‘liberals’) who
care not a twit for anyone but themselves. How much of
their honor, wealth & treasure do they offer up? -V49
[Controlling emissions doesn't have anything to do with
controlling weather. You can put scrubbers on smoke stacks
and converters on engines, but the real solution is coming
up with alternatives...and that doesn't have anything to
do with global warming. Can anybody say anti gravity or
nuclear fusion?]

Lewis, Is Monster Munch now related to John Munch of “Law
and Order – SVU”. A side note Richard Belzer has played
“Munch” on five different television shows, on three
different networks. -Terry

I believe in Jesus and the Virgin Mary. But since they
lived 2000 years ago, how does anyone know what they looked
like? So when people see the Virgin Mary on a pancake or
Jesus on an Iron, I have to wonder! -Hank Shaw

—————— END OF READER COMMENTS ——————

Well, that is a wrap for Bizarre News. How did we do?
Send comments and questions to: mailto:lewis@gophercentral.com

————————————————————
END OF BIZARRE NEWS
Copyright 2009 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved.

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

I think I’m a little too old for the video gaming phenomenon.
It is a billion dollar industry. Gaming systems are as
ubiquitous in American homes as televisions themselves. But
I could never seem to get into them no matter how many times
my sons have told me how “cool” some of the games are.

The only one that caught my attention was the Wii. And that
is mostly because of the bowling and tennis games. But the
Wii is so expensive I would never spend that kind of money
on myself.

There are cheaper game systems out there that are just as
cool as the brand name ones if you know what they are and
where to find them. Like the Reactor Interactive Gaming
System for example.

This system is just like the Wii but around $50.

The Reactor is an interactive wireless gaming system with
real-time action. You can get the whole system AND 32 games
for hundred of dollars less than the original system!
(19 different sports and athletic games, 11 classic arcade
games, plus Sudoku and chess)

FEATURES:
- 16-Big Graphics
- Two Remotes
- Stereo Sound
- Fun For ALL Ages
- Wireless Game Console
- Multi-Player Action
- 32 Built-In Games
- EASY To Hook Up Plug & Play (RCA Connection)

If you’re interested you can check it out at the link below.
Grab one for $49.99 or save even more and get two for $79.98

http://pd.gophercentral.com/u/1301/c/211/a/%%merge lists_.nalt3_%%

With Christmas weeks away this would make a very cool present
for pretty much any kid of any age on your list.

Bizarrely,

Lewis

P.S. Now You Can Follow BIZARRE NEWS on TWITTER:

http://twitter.com/MyBizarreNews

Follow Your Favorite GopherCentral Publications on Twitter:

http://www.gophertweets.com/

————————————————————

+————– Bizarre December Holidays —————-+

December 11 is National Noodle Ring Day

December 12 is National Ding-A-Ling Day

December 13 is Ice Cream and Violins Day

December 14 is National Bouillabaisse Day

December 15 is National Lemon Cupcake Day

December 16 is National Chocolate Covered Anything Day

December 17 is Underdog Day and National Maple Syrup Day

December 18 is National Roast Suckling Pig Day

December 19 is Oatmeal Muffin Day

December 20 is Games Day

————————————————————

———– Man names self after potato chips ————-

LONDON – A British fan of Monster Munch potato chips has
undergone a legal name change to share the same moniker
as his favorite brand of snack food. Monster Munch, 26,
said he changed his name from Chris Hunt by deed poll
because he has always loved the brand and his friends did
not believe he would go through with the name change when
he first started talking about it, The Daily Telegraph
reported Thursday. “They looked at me like I was nuts and
dared me to change my name,” Munch said. “I don’t think
they thought I would go through with it, but now I demand
to be called either ‘Monster’ or ‘Mr. Munch.’”

————————————————————

———- Woman finds ‘Virgin Mary’ on pancake ———–

GLENDALE, Ariz. – An Arizona woman said she was given
peace and comfort from an unlikely source — a pancake
bearing an image she said resembles the Virgin Mary.
Bianca Lopez said she was cooking Batter Blaster pancakes
for her family a few days before Thanksgiving at their
Glendale home and she noticed the image of Jesus’ mother
looking back at her from the final pancake of the batch,
KNXV-TV, Phoenix, reported Thursday. “I think it’s God’s
way of telling us that the holidays aren’t just about
presents. It’s about… spending time with your family and
friends and telling us to not forget about him, that he’s
always there watching over us and taking care of us,”
Lopez said. Lopez said she is keeping the pancake safe in
her freezer until she can decide what to do with it.

————————————————————
Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural. Get The
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here…F-R-E-E!

http://pd.gophercentral.com/u/14380/c/120/a/499

————————————————————

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Lewis; Thirty five years ago I worked at the Navy Undersea
Weapons Center. They were training seals to help find sunken
material. They brought in an animal called a stellar seal
and put him in the big tank. The seal weighed in at about a
thousand pounds. When he hit the water all the other seals
came out of the water like they had gotten an electric shock.
It is amazing how far they can jump.
[Well, consider, how far would you jump if I suddenly dropped
a thousand pound woman into your bed?]

The pollutants that people put into the atmosphere do affect
global warming. However, I read a report some time ago that
said that when Mt. St.Helens erupted, it released more green-
house gases into the atmosphere that all the autos, factories
and campfires combined since the beginning of time. And that’s
just one example of Mother Nature’s contribution. And then
there’s the Earth’s rotational axis issue. In comparison, what
comes out of my car’s tailpipe is almost trivial. -Ed Gray

“I wanted a diamond and you give me this shit necklace?
You’re OTC!” (On The Couch) -Don Hoehn
[Sounds like you've had some experience with that.]

Omg, no, my moose poo necklace had nothing to do with a Dirty
Sanchez! Had to look that one up. What I found bizarre (or
just a real coinky- dink) was that the reader comment following
mine mentioned Estes Park. The necklace was given to me by a
girl friend whose last name was Estes. Granddaughter of the
woman who named Moose Pass, Ak. -Dirty Dianna
[You had to look up "Dirty Sanchez" and you like to call
yourself "Dirty" Dianna? I'm beginning to doubt you!]

—————— END OF READER COMMENTS ——————

Well, that is a wrap for Bizarre News. How did we do?
Send comments and questions to: mailto:lewis@gophercentral.com

————————————————————
END OF BIZARRE NEWS
Copyright 2009 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved.

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

Just when you thought the cold war was over, the arms race
is back on, but this time it’s not nuclear weapons, but
sea mammals. Sea lions to be specific.

A Russian scientist who trains seals to carry out secret
military missions complained in a newspaper interview that
Russia has fallen behind the United States in this important
military arena.

“We would really like our animals in future to work like
American sea lions,” Gennady Matishov, director of the
Murmansk Marine Biology Institute in northern Russia said.

“The Americans drop their animals from helicopters into
enemy waters and then the animals place mines on instal-
lations, make videos of what they see along an enemy shore
or use a special gauge to measure radiation,” he added.

Matishov trains around 10 seals that can locate mines, pick
up objects from the seabed and assist divers by bringing
them tools.

What is more, the seals can differentiate a Russian diver
from an enemy and can “render harmless” or even kill an
enemy.

Matishov said he was one of the few researchers still working
in the field after the fall of the Soviet Union.

In Soviet times, bottle-nosed dolphins were trained to guard
the Sevastopol naval base on the Black Sea and if necessary
to kill enemy infiltrators using spears attached to special
muzzles.

Bizarrely,

Lewis

P.S. Now You Can Follow BIZARRE NEWS on TWITTER:

http://twitter.com/MyBizarreNews

Follow Your Favorite GopherCentral Publications on Twitter:

http://www.gophertweets.com/

————————————————————

+————— Bizarre December Holidays —————-+

December 1 is National Pie Day and Eat A Red Apple Day

December 2 is National Fritters Day

December 3 is National Roof-Over-Your-Head Day

December 4 is Wear Brown Shoes Day

December 5 is National Sacher Torte Day

December 6 is National Gazpacho Day and Mitten Tree Day

December 7 is National Cotton Candy Day

December 8 is Take It In The Ear Day

December 9 is National Pastry Day

December 10 is Festival For The Souls Of Dead Whales

————————————————————

———- Mass. party full of twins, triplets ————

BROCKTON, Mass. – Organizers of a Massachusetts party
said more than 400 twins, triplets, siblings and parents
attended the holiday celebration. Keeping Pace with
Multiple Miracles, which organized Sunday’s party at
Shaw’s Center in Brockton, said dozens of families with
twins and triplets came out to pose for pictures with
Santa and socialize with families faced with similar
situations, the Boston Globe reported Monday. “No one’s
going to say, ‘Oh, my God. How do you do it?’ It’s like
you’re anonymous,” Donna Baker, co-founder of Keeping Pace
with Multiple Miracles and mother of 15-year-old triplets
and a 19-year-old, said of the party’s comforting
atmosphere for parents of multiples.

————————————————————

———- Woman finds ‘Jesus’ on bottom of iron ———-

METHUEN, Mass. – A Massachusetts woman said the rust
colored residue she found on the bottom of her clothes
iron resembles the face of Jesus Christ. Mary Jo Coady,
44, of Methuen, said she noticed the image on the iron
Sunday, weeks after the last time it was used, and it
helped to reaffirm her Catholic faith following her
split from her husband and economic troubles, the (North
Andover, Mass.) Eagle-Tribune reported Monday. “I see his
eyes, his nose, his whole face and I was like, ‘That’s
Jesus looking at us,’” Coady said. “It just gave me a
sign that life is going to be good,” she said. “I think
he’s listening.” Coady said the image even affected her
skeptical-minded daughters, Melody, 21, and Alison, 20.
“They wouldn’t believe this if it hit them in the head,
and they were like, ‘Mom, that’s Jesus looking at us,’”
Coady said. Coady said she’s retiring the iron the
preserve the image and will buy a new one.

————————————————————
Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural. Get The
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here…F-R-E-E!

http://pd.gophercentral.com/u/14380/c/120/a/499

————————————————————

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

It has taken eons (75,000,000 yrs plus) to change plankton
to crude oil. Crude oil is stored energy. Energy is heat.
People are going to release all this heat within a 175 year
span. The by-product is greenhouse gases which hold the
heat in our atmosphere. I’m surprised we still have snow.
Someone said we need to save the earth. The earth will be
here a 1000 years from now, we need to save our own ass.

Lewis: I don’t know if there is or is not global warming,
but I do know that for hundreds of years, every household
on the planet burned wood, coal, or at least cow chips for
warmth in the winter or for cooking. Just open, inefficient
fires. Wouldn’t that release more carbon into the atmos-
phere than what households of the late 20th and early 21st
century are responsible for? Even with the population higher
than its ever been, most of the world’s highest population
centers are tropic or sub tropic, lessening the need carbon
based fuels for heat. -Jerry
[No one is arguing that since the industrial revolution the
production of pollutants and so-called greenhouse gases has
increased a thousand or maybe ten thousand fold. The question
is are these pollutants actually causing global climate
change?]

Hi, Lewis, Although it sounds disgusting I bet the Reindeer
poo jewelry is beautiful. Over 30 years ago a friend of mine
from Alaska gave me a Moose poo necklace. It was so pretty
but unfortunately for some reason my dog ate it. Dirty Dianna
[A Moose poo necklace? Is that anything like a Dirty Sanchez?]

Lewis, Fail to see what the big deal is about jewelry made
from dung. There are numerous shops in Estes Park, Colorado
that have been selling jewelry made of elk dung for years,
at least 20 that I know of. -Fred

—————— END OF READER COMMENTS ——————

Well, that is a wrap for Bizarre News. How did we do?
Send comments and questions to: mailto:lewis@gophercentral.com

————————————————————
END OF BIZARRE NEWS
Copyright 2009 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved.

If you’re going to shoot a deer, make sure it’s dead before
you think about dressing it or you might end up like Randy
Goodman.

The Missouri deer hunter said a vengeful buck got back on
its feet after being shot and attacked him with its antlers.

Goodman said he shot the buck once in its broadside and
once in its neck before climbing down from his tree stand
to inspect what he thought was a lifeless corpse. Goodman
grabbed one of the nine-point, 240-pound buck’s antlers to
inspect his kill and suddenly the large deer jumped back to
its feet and started attacking him with its antlers.

“It was 15 seconds of hell,” Goodman said of the attack.

I’m sure it wasn’t much fun for the deer either.

He said the deer eventually fled and fell down again about
30 yards away. Goodman said he walked back to his tree
stand, retrieved his gun and put two more in the buck’s neck
to ensure it wouldn’t get up again.

Goodman drove his car back toward the road and called his
brother and his son, who was hunting nearby, for help. He
was taken to the emergency room, where he received seven
staples in the left side of his scalp and doctors told him
he had suffered a concussion.

The deer was reported to be delicious.

Bizarrely,

Lewis

————————————————————

+————— Bizarre December Holidays —————-+

December 21 is Look At The Bright Side Day, National
Flashlight Day, National French Fried Shrimp Day, and
Hamburger Day

December 22 is National Date-Nut Bread Day

December 23 is Roots Day

December 24 is National Egg Nog Day

December 25 is National Pumpkin Pie Day

December 26 is National Whiners Day

December 27 is National Fruitcake Day

December 28 is Card Playing Day and National Chocolate Day

December 29 is Pepper Pot Day

December 30 is Festival Of Enormous Changes At The Last
Minute and National Bicarbonate Of Soda Day

December 31 is Unlucky Day

***

———– Woman sues over faulty toilet seat ————-

ALLENTOWN, Pa. – A New Jersey woman has filed a lawsuit
against a Pennsylvania bar, claiming that a faulty toilet
seat caused her to fall into the commode. Kathleen Hewko
of Delran claims she still suffers from a back injury
inflicted by the fall at Starters in Lower Saucon Township,
The Allentown Morning Call reports. She is seeking $150,000
from the bar and Kohler Co., the toilet’s manufacturer.
Her husband, John, is asking for $75,000 for loss of
consortium. Her lawyer, John D. Cirrinicione of
Philadelphia, said Hewko yelled for help but was finally
able to free herself when no one responded. He said she
is of moderate weight and the problem was clearly a
defective seat.

————————————————————
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Grab one or two, it makes a very unique & thoughtful gift.
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————————————————————

——— Library display shows Santa’s grisly end ———

OBERLIN, Ohio – A public library in Oberlin, Ohio, has a
holiday display that features a legless Santa Claus being
pushed down the stairs by a sadistic Christmas tree.
Conceptual artist Keith McGuckin, who created the Oberlin
Public Library display, created a narrative to accompany
the image that explains Santa’s legs were destroyed by an
alcohol-fueled incident involving power lines, and the tree
pushing St. Nick’s wheelchair down a flight of stairs plans
to visit a strip club with the money he took from Santa’s
Salvation Army kettle, The (Elyria, Ohio) Chronicle-
Telegram reported. The artist said authorities would rule
the jolly elf’s death an accident. McGuckin, who raised
controversy in previous years with Christmas displays
featuring Nazi gingerbread men and drug-smuggling elves,
said he does not expect his latest work of art to prove
any less provocative. “I think a lot of people will be
upset about a legless Santa,” he said. Library director
Darren McDonough said the display will remain in place for
the holiday season. “Remember the old library saying —
‘If we don’t have something to offend you, we’re not doing
our job,’” McDonough said.

——— Teen on lonely voyage around the world ———-

THOUSAND OAKS, Calif. – A teenager from Thousand Oaks,
Calif., is lonely as he attempts to sail around the world,
his mother says. Marianne Sunderland said her son, Zac,
was forced to celebrate both Thanksgiving and his 17th
birthday alone on his 36-foot sailboat while trying to
become the youngest person to sail around the world all
alone, the Los Angeles Times said Thursday. Zac is thankful
for the relatively calm weather he has enjoyed to date,
his mother said. “Zac is well and entering the danger zone
as far as weather off of Africa,” she said. “So far he has
had pretty light winds and so though he’s not making great
progress, he is happy to not be getting his butt kicked.”
Sunderland said in a Thanksgiving Day blog that everyone
who has supported Zac, who is now beyond the halfway point
of his journey, deserved special holiday thanks, the Times
said. “On behalf of Zac and the entire Sunderland family
we thank you all for supporting and encouraging all of us
in this endeavor,” she said.

————————————————————
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————————————————————

———— 3-foot snake causes printer to jam ————

GOLD COAST, Australia – A man in the Australian town of
Lismore says a snake more than 3 feet long was living
inside a computer printer and caused the device to
malfunction. Denis Matthews said the snake was found
inside a Friends of the Lismore Rainforest Botanic Gardens
printer, the Gold Coast Bulletin reported in its Thursday
edition. “When I used a long pointer to encourage the
snake to move, it reluctantly came out through the front,
under the monitor screen and round the back of the computer
case,” Matthews said. Matthews was able to remove the snake
from the printer used by the group, for which his wife
Marie serves as publicity officer, but the creature appears
to have found its way back. Matthews said a number of
displaced objects have been found on the room’s shelves,
leading him to suspect the snake may be living somewhere
inside the room. The snake appears to be a nocturnal brown
tree snake, a species known to be venomous and very
aggressive if confronted, Matthews said.

————————————————————
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Makes a GREAT STOCKING STUFFER… visit:
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————————————————————

Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural. Get The
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here…F-R-E-E..
Bizarre Uncensored

————————————————————

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Hey Lewis, Have you noticed a lot more of your stories now
originate in Florida? Living in Mouse-Town East I have to
say there are a lot of very bizarre people down here! Seems
like Florida is becoming the “new Alabama”. -Marty
[Alabama is probably just leaking.]

That Chinese contortionist chick was fantastic. Whomever
rated it a 2, has their head up their @$$! -D.S.
[That chick almost did, too!]

Hey Lewis, This is in reply to Tink and her question about
going back to school. I am longer in the tooth than she
is and I did it. I graduate in May with a Bachelors, GO
ME! Besides, if she does decide to go back to school,
they will teach her how to capitalize proper nouns when
she writes, it’s a win win situation. -Nikki
[Busted.]

Lewis, are you kidding?!? Just about ALL of my college
education was wasted! I have a BA in Business Admin with
a computer option and my current job as Software Tech
Support for last 15 years was gotten because of Customer
Service skills I got from McDonald’s. College is a great
place to waste money. If tink is serious about quick ed-
ucation, have her check out local technical schools or
government education centers. -James
[I should revise my statement a bit. I think expanding
one's mind, horizons and skills is never wasted. If you
spend $60k a year in college learning basket-weaving that's
your own look-out. And if your boss hired you as a software
tech support rep because of your experience at McDonald's
you might want to suggest that he or she stop using crack,
although that might jeopardize your job.]

The mention of an urn with a baseball and plate gave me a
great product idea, which I will pass on to you. How about
an urn in the shape of a dildo, so you can continue to
please her even after you pass on?
[This person wisely did not attach a name to his or her
email.]

Years ago I picked up a great little habit from one of our
other publications, Thrifty Tips. The idea was extremely
simple. Put a jar on your counter and at the end of the day
throw your spare change into it.

Up until that time I had always made an effort to spend the
change that accumulated in my car or that I had in my pocket.
I figured if I kept myself from breaking a dollar I was
saving a dollar. What I discovered was that by saving my
nickels, dimes and quarters it was like having another,
personal, little savings account.

The only inconvenience was having no clue how much was in
there. Did I have enough for a dinner out or for a brand new
jacket?

Well, somebody solved that problem by coming up with the
ELECTRONIC MONEY MACHINE BANK.

It’s exactly what I described except every time you drop a
coin in the machine counts its denomination and displays a
running total of your savings so you’ll know exactly how
much you have!

Maybe you’re not so interested in saving a few bucks, but
you would like to teach your kids that money doesn’t grow
on trees.

Tell them, ‘You can buy that fifty dollar video game as soon
as you save enough in your MONEY MACHINE.’ That’ll get them
interested in saving money when they can see it grow with
every deposit.

And you won’t have to save to pick up this little gadget
either. The DEAL price for Bizarre News subscribers is only
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To see a picture, get more info or order, visit:
MONEY MACHINE BANK

Bizarrely,

Lewis

————————————————————

+————— Bizarre December Holidays —————-+

December 11 is National Noodle Ring Day

December 12 is National Ding-A-Ling Day

December 13 is Ice Cream and Violins Day

December 14 is National Bouillabaisse Day

December 15 is National Lemon Cupcake Day

December 16 is National Chocolate Covered Anything Day

December 17 is Underdog Day and National Maple Syrup Day

December 18 is National Roast Suckling Pig Day

December 19 is Oatmeal Muffin Day

December 20 is Games Day

***

——- Booze cheaper than water in British stores ——–

LONDON – Thirsty consumers seeking to wet their whistles
can pay less for booze than bottled water at leading
British supermarkets, research indicates. The British
government announced plans last week to tackle a binge
drinking epidemic in the country by banning bars and shops
from having “irresponsible” price promotions. But the anti-
substance abuse charity Addaction says its research shows
that discounted store-brand alcohol can be had for as
little as 35 cents per can, The Times of London reported
Monday. The newspaper said Addaction analyzed a shopping
basket of popular alcoholic drinks from supermarkets
including Tesco, Sainsbury’s and ASDA, finding that
although the array of cheap alcohol has shrunk over the
past year, grocers are still offering their own brands of
“value booze.” For instance, Addaction found hard cider
sold by the three supermarkets cost 90 cents per liter,
less than a bottle of Coca-Cola, The Times reported.

————————————————————
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THE ZONE WIRELESS GAMING SYSTEM – Like the Wii but under $70
————————————————————

——– Police say teen swallowed stolen earrings ———

NAPLES, Fla. – Police accuse a Florida teenager of stealing
a pair of earrings from a JCPenney store and attempting to
hide the evidence by swallowing it. Investigators said
William Colburn, 18, of Naples was taken into custody
Saturday by store security officers and police later took
him to NCH Downtown Naples Hospital, where the earrings
were spotted in his stomach via an X-ray, the Naples Daily
News reported Monday. Store security officers also found a
small amount of marijuana on the suspect while searching
him for the earrings, police said. Colburn was charged with
retail theft, tampering with evidence and possession of
marijuana.

———– Florida man charged in pie assault ————-

INDIANTOWN, Fla. – Florida authorities say domestic battery
charges are pending against a man who allegedly hit his
girlfriend in the face with a Thanksgiving pie. The
incident left the alleged victim with burns to the neck
since the sweet potato pie involved was fresh out of the
oven. TCPalm.com said Tuesday that Christopher Ford, 46 of
Indiantown, Fla., was arrested Thanksgiving evening after
he and the victim got into an argument over the meal she
had prepared. He allegedly ended the discussion by shoving
the pie into the woman’s face. Ford fled when the woman’s
teenage sons entered the kitchen to see what was going on
but was picked up later by Martin County sheriff’s deputies.

————————————————————
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————————————————————

———- Red Sox fans can get logo on coffins ————

BOSTON – Loyal fans of the Boston Red Sox can now back
their team even in death thanks to new coffins featuring
the MLB team’s logo, a funeral director says. Magoun-
Biggins Funeral Home co-director Dan Biggins said his site
in Rockland, Mass., has received the first-ever officially
licensed Red Sox coffin and will begin offering the sports-
related funerary item to diehard Sox fans, The Boston Globe
said Monday. “It’s really a beautiful thing,” Biggins said.
“It’s really neat.” The logo of the popular baseball team
is featured on the coffin’s lining and pillow, as well as
on its exterior so the world can know the deceased’s true
Sox dedication. Biggins’ father and fellow funeral home
director, Bob, said the familial pair first came across the
Eternal Image product at a 2007 National Funeral Directors
Association convention in Las Vegas. “As soon as we saw it,
we knew we wanted it,” Bob Biggins said. “We fell in love
with it.” The Globe said the specialized coffins retail at
$4,499, while die-cast urns featuring a baseball and home-
base plate are retailing for $799.

————————————————————
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————————————————————

Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural. Get The
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here…F-R-E-E..

Bizarre Uncensored

————————————————————

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

I thought everyone knew that sexual frustration was normal
in the UK? What do you feed women to make them go off sex?
Wedding-cake. -Bill
[Or pretty much any kind of British food, from what I
understand.]

I recently had the weird combination of chocolate-covered
bacon at a party. It was great. What’s not to like. People
shouldn’t write it off until they try it. By the way: my
sexual frustration didn’t change after I ate it. -Scott
[You mean women didn't flock to you after watching you
stuff your face with chocolate-covered bacon all night?
How odd.]

Lewis, Can you pass on a message to my boyfriend? I just
found out he’s been a subscriber to your newsletter since
the very beginning. Tell him that I love him and that if/
when he decides to ask a certain question, the answer will
be yes. Thanks, Martha (p.s. he lives in California and I
live in Michigan)
[Dear Martha's boyfriend, think to yourself...is this woman
affectionate, generous, honest, loyal and intelligent? Does
she perform unnatural, kinky things in the bedroom? If you
can answer 'yes' to these questions, don't waste time. Do
it while you still have plenty of years to enjoy each other!]

dearest lewis, what do you think about going back to school?
if your 30 something! i have been a stay at home Mom for 10
yrs and i am ready to start off where i left off. i want to
become a nurse. i guess IM lonely and my heath is fine, IM
just worried about my age. have any advice? –hugs, tink
[Education is never wasted. And concerning your age, the day
you stop learning is the day you start dying. So get back to
school!]

Want to start some bizarre scenes in offices next week?
While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the
floor and make clockwise circles. Now, while doing this,
draw the number “6″ in the air with your right hand. Your
foot will change direction! –Donna
[This is already too complicated for me. I'll see if I can
get TZ to do it. He let himself become hypnotized, he
should have problem with this.]

Remember the old saw about not using public restrooms because
you might get crotch rot or butt fungus from the toilet? As
it turns out…if that public bathroom is in a restaurant or
bar you might be better off using the toilet than ordering a
drink.

In a test of ice cubes from 49 fast-food and casual-dining
restaurants and hotel bars in the city and suburbs, the
Chicago Sun-Times found that more than one of every five
samples contained high levels of bacteria.

By comparison, a water sample taken from a toilet in a men’s
room tested cleaner than the ice obtained at 21 of the
restaurants and bars.

Nearly all of the ice tested that came from self-serve ice
machines had low levels of bacteria or none at all. Hotel
lobby bars, where ice is often transported by and handled
by multiple people, didn’t test as well: Three of four bars
tested had ice with high levels of bacteria.

“It’s not like you’ll see people dropping over dead or huge
numbers getting sick because it’s going to take just the
right bacteria and the right person to make them ill,” said
Penn State University’s Brian Swistock, co-author of the
university’s publication “Water Tests: What Do the Numbers
Mean?”

But high bacteria levels such as those found in some of the
ice cube samples might help explain some of the stomach ills
people get.

Well, I’m suddenly hungry. Who wants to go to lunch? The iced
tea is on me.

Bizarrely,

Lewis

————————————————————

+————— Bizarre December Holidays —————-+

December 1 is National Pie Day and Eat A Red Apple Day

December 2 is National Fritters Day

December 3 is National Roof-Over-Your-Head Day

December 4 is Wear Brown Shoes Day

December 5 is National Sacher Torte Day

December 6 is National Gazpacho Day and Mitten Tree Day

December 7 is National Cotton Candy Day

December 8 is Take It In The Ear Day

December 9 is National Pastry Day

December 10 is Festival For The Souls Of Dead Whales

***

———- Granny Robber suspect to be tracked ————

FRANKLIN, Ohio – A 68-year-old Ohio woman suspected of
being the so-called Granny Robber behind three bank
robberies will be tracked by authorities, a judge has
ruled. Franklin Municipal Court Judge Rupert E. Ruppert
ruled that while Barbara Joly will remain free as
investigators look into her alleged connection with the
heists, her daily actions will be tracked by Global
Positioning System satellites, The Cincinnati Enquirer
said Wednesday. Chris Atkins, Joly’s attorney, said after
Tuesday’s hearing that the tracking effort will help his
client in case any similar heists are committed in the
future. “It’s as much for her to be accountable for her
whereabouts as it is in case someone tries to imitate
her so we will know where she wasn’t,” Atkins told the
newspaper. Joly is the main suspect in three bank robberies
in the area since May, including a recent heist at the
Huntington Bank in Franklin, Ohio. She was officially
charged last Friday in relation to the third theft. The
moniker Granny Robber came about as the suspect in the
robberies was identified as an elderly woman wearing
sunglasses and a scarf, the Enquirer said.

————————————————————
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————————————————————

——- Seuss lawyers crash Louisville Grinch gala ——–

LOUISVILLE, Ky. – Louisville, Ky., boosters say the city’s
annual Christmas celebration will go on as scheduled
despite last-minute changes made to mollify Dr. Seuss’s
lawyers. Light Up Louisville was supposed to have a “How
the Grinch Stole Christmas” theme this year but that plan
caught the eye of Seuss Enterprises in San Diego, which
sent attorney Barbara Orr to point out copyright issues
to the city, The Courier-Journal newspaper in Louisville
said Tuesday. Orr fired off a cease-and-desist letter to
the Louisville Convention and Visitors Bureau, which then
agreed to change the name of the kids’ play area from
“LouWhoVill” to “Lou-Ville” and is benching the guy in
the Grinch costume, the newspaper said.

——– Man, skid loader, stolen ATM take tumble ———

LEAVENWORTH, Kan. – A Kansas man, a skid loader and an
allegedly stolen ATM all survived a 50-foot tumble down
an embankment during a burglary, police say. Leavenworth,
Kan., Police Chief Patrick Kitchens told The Kansas City
Star the 49-year-old suspect sustained only minor injuries
after mishandling a stolen skid loader he had allegedly
used to pry an ATM loose from a federal credit union
Sunday morning. Kitchens said the suspect had succeeded in
using the machine to lift the ATM from its moorings, and
allegedly decided he could break it open by dropping it
down a steep hill. But instead of just the ATM going over,
the suspect, trapped inside the skid loader’s cage, also
tumbled down the embankment and through a wooded area,
landing near some parked semi-trailers, the Star said.
“It is stunning that he is still alive,” Kitchens told the
newspaper. “We are talking about a 50-foot embankment —
basically straight down. He has the ATM, which basically
weighs 3,000 pounds.”

————————————————————
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————————————————————

———– Pianist’s skull appears in Hamlet ————-

STRATFORD-ON-AVON, England – An English concert pianist
who died 26 years ago has been granted his final wish —
to appear on stage in Hamlet playing the skull in the
graveyard scene. Andre Tchaikowsky’s skull has been used
in rehearsals since he willed it to the Royal Shakespeare
Company, The Sun reported. Now, the skull has finished a
run of performances in Stratford-on-Avon, with actor David
Tennant as Hamlet holding it up while intoning, “Alas,
poor Yorick, I knew him, Horatio…” The company didn’t
let audiences know they were seeing a real skull until the
last performance. The Polish-born pianist, who died of
cancer at the age of 46, was a fan of William Shakespeare
and especially of “Hamlet.” He made frequent trips to
Stratford to see RSC performances. “It was Andre’s dream,”
Dave Ferre, a friend of the pianist’s family, said. “They
will be pleased he has made it on stage.” Tennant, best-
known as the latest incarnation of “Doctor Who,” plans to
use Tchaikowsky’s skull again when the “Hamlet” production
opens in London. David Howells, the RSC archivist, says a
real skull hasn’t been used since the 19th century.

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————————————————————

Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural. Get The
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here…F-R-E-E..
Bizarre Uncensored

————————————————————

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Is this bacon chocolate England’s effort to redeem them-
selves of a reputation of nasty cuisine? Does it come with
a side of marmite? Honestly, I think it’s all a sick way
of addressing sexual frustration. God knows it won’t help
their dental situation at all. -Kyndria
[Bacon and chocolate is a way of addressing sexual
frustration? As in...bacon and chocolate will make you so
sick you won't worry about the fact that you're not getting
any in the sack? I don't get it.]

Many, Many years back my Carin terrier ran away. Two years
later I got a call from the Humane Socity that they had my
dog. I told them I didn’t own a dog. They discribed the
dog and I was surprised to find it was my missing dog Raggs.
I went down to pick him up. They fined me because he had
an expired license and he hadnt had his shots for two years.
While I was telling them how wrong it was for these charges
they informed me I owed them for three days room and board
for Raggs also. I paid the fine.
[If it were me I would have just denied the dog was mine.]

I just must say, you made me laugh today. what a concept!
-Gail
[And this wasn't even a spam email about how tiny my penis
is.]

Hiya Lewis! I had to laugh when I read about the car thief
who was attacked by grocery shoppers, one of whom smacked
him in the head with a frozen turkey. He may be the only
person ever to be hospitalized because somebody flipped the
bird at him! -Jody

Lewis, Your anonymity bothers me so much that I ask you to
either identify your self or remove me from your mailing
list. Sincerely, David
[You've figured me out. I'm really Maury Povich.]