Greetings fellow Bizarros:

What do you do if your stripper refuses to have sex with you?
Why, shoot the strip club manager and set fire to the place,
of course. At least if you’re from Phoenix that’s what you
do.

Employees at Lacey’s Gentleman’s Club told police a 33-year-
old man was upset after a dancer, who provided a private
dance for him, refused a sexual solicitation. The man left
and came back with a handgun and attempted to rob the
business.

The dancer and another woman escaped to the roof of the club
where they called police. When the police arrived they helped
the two women from the roof, however by that time the manager
had climbed onto the roof as well where the irate customer
chased him and shot him.

At that point an officer fired at the suspect, who fled back
into the club and apparently set a fire, which was put out
by the club’s sprinkler system.

The man was found later on the floor of the manager’s office,
dead from an apparently self-inflicted gunshot wound.
Authorities said there is no evidence at this time that the
suspect was struck by police gunfire.

And all of this could have been avoided if this man had just
crossed the border into Nevada…or rubbed one out at home
to a little Internet porn.

Bizarrely,

Lewis

P.S. Now You Can Follow BIZARRE NEWS on TWITTER:

http://twitter.com/MyBizarreNews

You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the
new Bizarre News forum. Check it out here…

http://bizarrenews.gophercentral.com

————————————————————

+———————- Bizarre Laws ———————-+
GEORGIA

It is illegal to use profanity in front of a dead body
which lies in a funeral home or in a coroners office.

You have the right to commit simple battery if provoked by
“fightin’” words.

In Kennesaw, every head of household must possess a firearm
of some kind.

In Atlanta, one man may not be on another man’s back.

Signs are required to be written in English.

No one may carry an ice cream cone in their back pocket if
it is Sunday.

In Quitman, it is illegal for a chicken to cross the road.

————————————————————

——— Apartment tenants want privacy wall gone ———

NEW YORK – Residents of a New York apartment building said
their neighbors erected a four-story privacy wall that
building tenants can touch from their windows. The tenants
of the building in the College Park neighborhood of the
city’s Queens borough said the residents of a neighboring
house put up a four-story metal wall that blocks light and
air from their apartments, the New York Post reported. One
tenant, who gave his name as William, said house residents
Donald, Charles and Carol Weidel erected the wall to
protect their frequent parties from prying eyes, the report
said. “They do parties in the summer and they don’t like
for people to see what they’re doing,” William told the
Post. CPY Realty, which owns the apartment building, said
it is seeking to have the courts force the homeowners to
tear down the wall and pay $2 million in damages.

————————————————————

————- Woman finds tooth in candy bar ————–

BROWNSBORO, Texas – A Texas woman said she bit into a
Milky Way candy bar and found a tooth with a silver
filling in the candy. Sue Calhoun of Brownsboro said
she brought the candy bar and a Coca-Cola along for the
ride to Dallas with her husband to pick up a new tractor
on New Year’s Day and she noticed something strange about
the chocolate bar, KLTV, Tyler, Texas, reported. “I took
one bite and it was fine, so I took another bite and bit
down on something and thought, ‘Well, it may be a peanut,’”
Calhoun said. “I thought, ‘Well, Milky bars don’t have
peanut or any kind of nuts in it,” she said. “I looked at
it and I thought, ‘Oh, gosh! Gross! How terrible! (It’s a)
tooth!’” Calhoun said she called Mars Candy, manufacturers
Milky Way, about the find. “She (a Mars representative)
said, ‘I’m going to send you a package to send the tooth
and the candy back in.’ But, I’m not real sure I’m going
to send it back to them or not because they could keep the
evidence and I’m not sure if I would ever see it again,”
she said. Calhoun said she is planning to have her local
dentist examine the tooth.

————————————————————
Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural. Get The
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here…F-R-E-E!

http://pd.gophercentral.com/u/14380/c/120/a/499

————————————————————

>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Lewis, So what you’re saying is in 40 minutes, Markus can
fake a relationship, get some and get paid two hundred bucks
for doing it. Except for getting paid, most guys do that on
Friday night at the local bar. Two out of three ain’t bad.
-Bear.
[You may think you're faking it with the local talent in your
neighborhood, but something tells me it's the girls who are
faking it.]

Nevada the only place for legal prostitution? Don’t forget
Washington D.C. most of Congress and of course the President
is male, they have been screwing us for years and we have to
pay for it every election and we don’t even get lubed up for
it. -Keith

There is a big difference between global warming & climate
change. The do gooders couldn’t get anywhere with global
warming so the just changed the terminology with the same
idea of control of the population. –Andrew

Lewis, did you know that it takes 856 licks to get to the
Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop? I have a lot of free
time. –Chris
[You could really turn your marriage around if you devoted
some of that attention to your husband (or wife, even)!]

—————— END OF READER COMMENTS ——————

Well, that is a wrap for Bizarre News. How did we do?
Send comments and questions to: mailto:lewis@gophercentral.com

Follow Your Favorite GopherCentral Publications on Twitter:

http://www.gophertweets.com/

————————————————————
END OF BIZARRE NEWS
Copyright 2010 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved.

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

We have all heard of tin foil hats, those worn by the UFO
and CIA mind-control conspiracy theorists. This woman in
Allentown, Pennsylvania, however, has taken the idea to a
new extreme.

To be fair, Elizabeth Feudale-Bowes does not thing that her
subconscious mind is being subtly influenced by carefully
tuned electro-magnetic radiation, she does, however, think
that her mind and body are being poisoned by the toxins of
modern life and technology. And her solution? To lock her-
self in a galvanized steel and porcelain shed outside her
house.

Feudale-Bowes, 52, says she was diagnosed several years ago
with “environmental illness,” described as extreme sensitiv-
ity to everyday substances. Some doctors question whether
environmental illness is a genuine physical disorder and
suggest it is psychological.

Feudale-Bowes says fabric softener, nail polish, perfume,
new sneakers, upholstery and many other items can make her
body go haywire. She says she has suffered from a range of
chronic ailments, including migraines, joint pain, bladder
inflammation, seizures and temporary paralysis. Her insides,
she says, have sometimes felt like “fire with ground glass
in it.”

The box, which she locks herself into for up to ten hours
a day, protects her from these environmental hazards, she
says.

The city, on the other hand, says it violates zoning rules.
After complains by neighbors in this suburb of Allentown, a
local judge has ordered the structure be removed.

I guess Elizabeth will now have to do what the rest of us do.
Drink.

Bizarrely,

Lewis

————————————————————

+————– Bizarre Laws —————-+
Oklahoma

Dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to
congregate in groups of three or more on private property.

Oklahoma will not tolerate anyone taking a bite out of
another’s hamburger.

It is illegal to have the hind legs of farm animals in
your boots.

People who make “ugly faces” at dogs may be fined and/or
jailed.

Cars must be tethered outside of public buildings.

Oral sex is a misdemeanor and is punishable by one year
in jail and a $2,500 fine.

Anyone arrested for soliciting a hooker must have their
name and picture shown on television.

Fish may not be contained in fishbowls while on a public
bus.

Tissues are not to be found in the back of one’s car.

It is illegal for the owner of a bar to allow anyone
inside to pretend to have sex with a buffalo.

***

——- Toilet seat museum named wackiest in U.S. ——–

ALAMO HEIGHTS, Texas – A Texas museum dedicated to a
retired plumber’s artwork — decorated toilet seats —
has been named the Wackiest Attraction in America by a
popular Web site. TripAdvisor.com bestowed that design-
ation on the Toilet Seat Museum, in the garage of Alamo
Heights artist and retired plumber Barney Smith. The
museum features 900 hand-carved, painted and decorated
toilet seats for the viewing pleasure of the public,
KSAT-TV, San Antonio, Texas, reported Thursday. Smith has
toilet seats decorated as tributes to celebrities, famous
historical scenes and even lids with relics attached from
the space shuttle Challenger explosion and Nazi concentra-
tion camps. Running the museum, which Smith said has been
visited by people from all 50 states and 64 foreign
countries, has grown into a full-time job. “I get so tired
until I’ll be a drilling in somebody’s name and I will
drop my drill onto the toilet seat, and I’ll pick it up
and rub my eyes and wake up and get busy there,” he said.
“I’ll work a few more hours before I ever turn off the
light and go to bed.”

——– Girl’s yearbook photo pulled over tuxedo ———

WESSON, Miss. – A Mississippi high school student says
she is fighting to get her picture in the yearbook after
officials rejected it because she wore a tuxedo. Ceara
Sturgis of Wesson, a senior at Wesson Attendance Center,
said officials rejected her senior portrait because she
chose to wear a tuxedo for the picture instead of tradit-
ional feminine clothing, WLBT-TV, Jackson, Miss., report-
ed Thursday. “It makes me feel I’m not important enough.
Like just because I’m wearing a tux I can’t be in my
senior yearbook. It’s like I never even went there. That’s
my yearbook. This is my senior year and I’m not gonna be
able to be in there because I’m wearing a tux. I don’t
think it matters what we’re wearing” said Sturgis, who
is openly gay. A Copiah County School District spokes-
woman said yearbook photo decisions are left up to the
principal. Principal Ronald Greer declined to comment.
Sturgis’ mother, Veronica Rodriguez, said she has hired
an attorney to help get her daughter’s picture in the
yearbook.

———– Model car collection record: 12,000 ————

WESTON, Fla. – The Florida man who holds the world record
for largest collection of model cars, 7,000, said he broke
his own record by growing the collection to 12,000. Sergio
Goldvarg, 53, said Guinness World Records informed him
this month that it is replacing his old record, certified
in 2005, with a new record reflecting his current 12,000
total, which he reached in May with the addition of a
model Formula One Ferrari featured in the 2008 Chinese
Grand Prix, the South Florida Sun-Sentinel reported
Thursday. “In my house, I have a museum of the history of
cars,” Goldvarg said. Gregg Hutchings, editor of Model
Cars Magazine, hailed Goldvarg’s achievement. “Twelve-
thousand is a pretty good number,” he said. “Hopefully it
re-sparks the interest that everybody had when they were
younger for model cars.”

————————————————————

Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural. Get The
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here…F-R-E-E!

http://pd.gophercentral.com/u/14380/c/120/a/499

————————————————————

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

wow Lewis! I haven’t got a Bizarre News in my inbox for
years! where you been man? – CN
[I'm right here. Where are you at?]

Thanks for letting us know what happened last week. I did
not get your newsletter or two others I am subscribed to
under another screen name. I was told it would take 7 days
to get back to me, but I heard it from you first. Now, if
I can just start getting my other newsletters I will be
happy again. – samwise
[For archived issues of Bizarre News head on over to
http://bizarrenews.gophercentral.com and go to town.]

Lewis, when visiting my mother-in-law in Pompano Beach,
Florida (Broward County) we drive past the Booby Trap on
Atlantic Blvd. It looks like a great place – they offer
“Free lunch daily” – wonder what they serve? – Paula
[I'm not too worried about the menu. I just hope that
they have wetnaps.]

Lewis? Was TZ surfing for porn when the server crashed?
You gotta get him under control!!! – Bob
[TZ was trying to corrupt the motherboard, if you catch my
drift.]

—————— END OF READER COMMENTS ——————

Well, that is a wrap for Bizarre News. How did we do?
Send comments and questions to: mailto:lewis@gophercentral.com

There is an old saying that goes…the most frightening
thing a person can hear is, ‘I’m from the government and
I’m here to help.’ The government is famous for world class
screw ups, and while this one may not be world class, I
think we could all see this one coming a mile away.

The first story came out last week. An 83-year-old Maryland
man said he was shocked to receive a federal stimulus check
addressed to his mother, who’s been dead since 1967.

Social Security Administration officials said the mid-June
deadline for mailing out the checks does not leave enough
time for thorough examinations of the program’s records.
They said an estimated 10,000 of the 52 million checks that
have been mailed out were addressed to deceased people.

And just today I saw a story on myfoxny.com that pretty
much said the same thing. In their story, Antoniette
Santopadre of Valley Stream was expecting a $250 stimulus
check, but when her son finally opened it, they saw that
the check was made out to her father, Romolo Romonini, who
died in Italy 34 years ago. He’d been a U.S. citizen when
he left for Italy in 1933, but only returned to the United
States for a seven-month visit in 1969.

The feds blame a rushed schedule, because all the checks
have to be cut by June. The strange thing is, some of the
checks were made out to people — like Romonini — who were
never even part of the Social Security system.

So apparently there are so many holes in the system that
dead people from Italy are drifting in. That should make
you feel confident!

Bizarrely,

Lewis

————————————————————

+———————- Bizarre Laws ———————-+
FLORIDA

Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer,
as can the salon owner.

A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting
on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing.

If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking
fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle.

It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a
swimsuit.

Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.

Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal.

You may not fart in a public place after 6 PM on Thursdays.

Oral sex is illegal.

You may not kiss your wife’s breasts.

Horse theft is still punishable by hanging.

***

——— Blagojevich shampoo is ‘Bleep’n Golden’ ———-

ELK GROVE, Ill. – An Illinois company is marketing hair
care products inspired by and named after disgraced former
Gov. Rod Blagojevich. Dennis Fath of Delta Laboratories in
the Chicago suburb of Elk Grove said he “woke up in the
middle of the night” with the idea for “Blago It’s Bleep’n
Golden Volumizing Shampoo and Conditioner,” WMAQ-TV,
Chicago, reported Thursday. “He does have a nice head of
hair, and (I thought) it would be funny to have something
named after him because of his hair,” Fath said. Fath said
the shampoo and conditioner sell for $8 each, or $15 for a
set of both. He said the products, which are only available
at blagohair.com, have so far sold fewer than 100 bottles.

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——— Coupon: $1 million off condo purchase ———-

PALM BEACH, Fla. – A Florida real estate broker said he
has been distributing coupons for $1 million off the price
of a condo to help sell a luxury Palm Beach property.
Rusty Gulden said the coupons he had printed in the Palm
Beach Daily News, which expire May 31, offer to reduce
the price of a 2,000-square-foot unit at the Sun & Surf
condo in Palm Beach from $3.7 million to $2.7 million,
the Palm Beach Post reported Thursday. Gulden said the
coupon is aimed at helping him move the property despite
the current state of the luxury housing market. “The
volume is significantly off — you don’t need a Ph.D.
in finance to know that,” Gulden said. He said the coupon
has generated a lot of interest in the unit. “I’ve been
busier than a one-armed paper hanger showing it,” he said.

——— Man accused of biting another man’s ear ———-

KENOSHA, Wis. – Police in Wisconsin said a man was arrested
for allegedly biting off part of another man’s ear during
an argument that turned into a physical confrontation.
Kenosha police said Antoine Parks was arrested early Monday
morning at the home of the 30-year-old victim, who was
taken to Froedtert Hospital in Wauwatosa, Wis., for surgery
to repair his ear, the Kenosha News reported Thursday. The
victim told police that Parks is a relative of his girl-
friend and had been staying at their home. He said Parks
became angry after he was asked to leave and attacked him
with a hammer while the two men were packing Parks’ belong-
ings. Police said the victim attempted to defend himself
with a screwdriver and Parks bit part of the man’s ear off
during the ensuing struggle. Parks initially surrendered
to police but was stunned with a Taser while trying to flee
moments later. He charged with suspicion of mayhem and
resisting arrest. Police in Appleton, Wis., also issued a
warrant for Parks on a charge of causing property damage.

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———- California crash victim lands in tree ———–

SACRAMENTO – Firefighters say a woman was hurled high into
a tree after a car crash on a Sacramento freeway, and
survived the accident. “The female passenger had been
ejected from the car and thrown up and over the sound wall
which is about 12 feet high,” a fire department report
said. “She landed in a tree in the backyard. The tree
actually cushioned her fall, which enabled her to survive.”
The woman was in a car with her husband when the crash
occurred Wednesday on Highway 99. The first engine company
responding to the accident report couldn’t find anyone in
the wrecked vehicle, but another unit responding to a
medical-aid call at a nearby house discovered two victims
- one on the ground and another stuck in a plum tree. The
woman’s husband, who had been driving, apparently was able
to get around the high wall, despite serious injures, to
try to help his wife. A resident, Sarah Rochan, told KOVR-
TV in Sacramento: “That was the Lord. It wasn’t her time
to go.”

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————————————————————

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Bizarre Uncensored

————————————————————

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Dear Lewis..Just wanted to comment on Marty’s comment in
the last issue. Shellac is actually traditionally made
from beetles, not petroleum. so its 100% natural. The
veggie car- while still being a bad idea- would be good
to go! -Katie
[Bad news for Paul and Ringo.]

…that commented on the veggie car: “put some shellac
(made of those nasty petroleum products) or other pre-
servative on it” That shellac is 100% organic, made from
secretions from the Lac bug mixed into alcohol (usually
methanol, wood alcohol, but it could be ethanol, grain
alcohol, too). It’s natural, water-proof and edible.
-Mr. Bill
[Wow. There seems to be a lot of shellac experts on the
list.]

“…body modification enthusiast”? Is that the same thing
as the old freak shows where you could pay a quarter to
see a weird woman known as the Tattooed Lady? And you were
allowed to make comments about her intellectual prowess?
[Yes. Yes, it is.]

“It is illegal for men and women over the age of 18 to have
less than one missing tooth visible when smiling.” Man!
Arizona;s pretty harsh, forcing every adult to have at least
1 missing tooth. -Ather
[If you can't afford to have a tooth removed you can go to
any police station in Arizona and a cop with knock one out
for you free of charge with the butt of his pistol.]

You’re only allowed 2 dildos in Arizona?! What woman in her
right mind would want more than 2 husbands anyway? -Beth
[Sounds like you have a happy marriage. Does your husband
drink a lot?]

—————— END OF READER COMMENTS ——————

There seems to be a lot of people jumping on car hoods lately.
Last issue we reported about a New York office who jumped on
his own car as it was being stolen and fired on the thief John
Woo style.

This week’s story comes from Norfolk, Va. A Virginia woman got
her purse and wallet back after a pursuit that involved riding
on the hood of the alleged thief’s car for a quarter mile.

Jeanette Balazsi had lots of help in the chase from two em-
ployees at a Norfolk Food Lion who pursued the alleged purse
snatcher across the parking lot to an unknown biker on a
Harley who followed the car after Balazsi jumped off the hood.

Jennifer Leigh Jones, 32, was arrested after she got involved
in a crash, police said. She has been charged with eluding
police, theft and child endangerment because she had a 1-year-
old with her.

Balazsi said her wallet was found in the car, and Jones threw
her purse out the window, leading to its recovery.

Balazsi said she was standing in front of Jones’ car, trying
to keep her from driving away when the other woman moved
forward and she had to jump to the hood to save herself. She
kept hanging on as Jones exited the parking lot and turned
onto Military Highway.

“That’s the moment when I’m thinking ‘What have I got myself
into?’” she said.

Bizarrely,

Lewis

————————————————————

+———————- Bizarre Laws ———————-+
ARIZONA

There is a possible 25 years in prison for cutting down a
cactus.

Donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubs.

It is unlawful to refuse a person a glass of water.

Hunting camels is prohibited.

Any misdemeanor committed while wearing a red mask is
considered a felony (This goes back to the days of the
Wild West).

You may not have more than two dildos per household.

Cards may not be played in the street with a Native
American.

A decree declares that anyone caught stealing soap must
wash himself with it until it is all used up.

It is illegal for men and women over the age of 18 to
have less than one missing tooth visible when smiling.

***

———— Overdue book back after 31 years ————-

ARLINGTON, Va. – A Virginia library said a woman has
returned a book she checked out more than 30 years ago.
Peter Golkin, a spokesman for the Arlington Central
Library, said “The Patriot Chiefs” by Alvin Josephy was
checked out March 16, 1978, and returned last Tuesday
with a $25 check and a letter of apology, The Washington
Post reported. “It’s always great to get the books back,
as opposed to any kind of income from fines or replacement
fees,” Golkin said. Sarah McKee, 70, said she borrowed the
book from the library so long ago that she had forgotten
the book was not hers. “To my great embarrassment,” her
note read, “I recently opened this book and discovered it
is yours — not mine. My apologies for my tardiness.”
McKee, who now lives in Amherst, Mass., blamed the mistake
on her poor memory. “I never would have schlepped it
around all these years had I not thought it was mine,” she
said.

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————— College offers craps course —————-

MANCHESTER, Conn. – A Connecticut college is offering a non-
credit course for students interested in becoming experts
on the complicated dice game craps. Nino Nistri, 68, who
is teaching the course at Manchester Community College,
said he has been gambling since he was 11 and has been
instructing people on the rules and language of craps since
2000, the Hartford (Conn.) Courant reported. Nistri said
the game can be daunting for an observing novice. “People
are winning on ‘7,’ losing on ‘7,’ chips are flying, people
are yelling and screaming,” he said. The teacher said his
class, which is scheduled to begin Wednesday, will consist
of four two-hour sessions and each student will receive a
pair of regulation dice, a laminated odds sheet and a copy
of Nistri’s book on the game, “Craps.” Nistri said he
considers craps to be the most exciting casino game. “When
things are going, you can feel the electricity,” he said.
“It’s the best game in the house, in my opinion.”

———— Man got 1,197 piercings in one day ————

ARLINGTON, Texas – A Texas body modification enthusiast
said he broke a Guinness World Record by receiving 1,197
piercings in a single day. Jeremy Stroud said Arlington
body modification artist Tyson Turk spent about five hours
May 2 inserting 800 needles into his back, 300 in his right
arm, 50 in his leg and about 20 in his left arm, the Fort
Worth (Texas) Star-Telegram reported. Stroud said the
needles were removed at the end of the day but they left
scars all over his body. “They’re so close together that
they leave a line. It kind of looks like I had stitches
from my wrist all the way up to my shoulder,” he said.
Stroud said two emergency medical technicians were on hand
during the record attempt, as well as a witness and a
photographer to support his bid to make it into the record
book. He said the original plan was 2,000 piercings, but
the pain from the needles eventually started to catch up
to him. “I made it to 1,200 and my body was getting ready
to shut down,” he said. “I had no idea what I was getting
into.”

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——— Students sustain drum roll for 27 hours ———-

ROCK HILL, S.C. – A group of percussionists from a South
Carolina high school set a world record by sustaining a
drum roll for 27 hours and 23 seconds. The Rock Hill High
School musicians beat a Michigan school’s previous Guinness
world record of 24 hours, 23 seconds by sustaining a single
drum roll from 5 p.m. Friday until about 8 p.m. Saturday,
The (Rock Hill, S.C.) Herald reported. The 28 students who
took turns on the snare drum raised $3,600 to buy new
equipment for the school band. “It’s been a huge success,”
percussion director Michael Skellett said of the fund-
raiser. “Plus, we got to break a world record in the
process, which is cool.” Skellett said junior Jason Piers
rolled solo for four hours and 10 minutes, beating the
individual drum roll record by two minutes. However, Piers’
accomplishment may not be recognized by Guinness because
he did not file the necessary paperwork in advance. The
student said he has video of his roll and plans to lobby
Guinness to accept his record. “If not,” he said, “I’ll do
it next year.”

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————————————————————

Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural. Get The
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here…F-R-E-E..
Bizarre Uncensored

————————————————————

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

I wonder if those idiots in England ever left a bag of
veggies out of the refrigerator for a few days? How much
would you pay for a car that has a shelf life of about a
month at best? Unless, of course, they put some shellac
(made of those nasty petroleum products) or other preserv-
ative on it, or built a very large refrigerator to pull
into at the end of the day. -Marty
[Like I mentioned in the last issue, I think the idea was
to make a statement about renewable fuels, but don't you
think a meat car would have been cooler?]

Lewis, Regarding the story of the man searching his pockets
for a summons in a courtroom dropped a bag of marijuana onto
an officer’s shoe. What did you expect from a story from
HEMPSTEAD, N.Y. -Clifford
[Too bad there isn't a town in N.Y. named HempSHOE.]

I am not sure what is more amazing, the fact the guy found a
snake head in his food or the fact that he is NOT planning
to sue.
[We'll probably see that story next month.]

Au contraire, Lewis. I thoroughly enjoy okra. There’s no
better oral experience than a mouthful of fuzz and slime.
-Kyndria
[You could say the same thing about oral sex. I'm sorry,
was that too much?]

Hey, Lewis: Did you notice that there were THREE stories
about the run of the mill idiots from New York? Carrying
Marijuana into a courtroom, a cop leaving his engine
running in a particularly nice car for it to get stolen
and a rare delicacy in a T. G. I. Fridays dinner (maybe
the cook was from Texas or Arizona or something where
snake is considered a vegetable). And the veggie-car made
NPR news too, with a comment about vegetable soup. Usually,
it is Florida that gets the wackos. -Leon from Florida
[You'd pay extra for snake head in Florida, wouldn't you?
P.S. In Thailand 'snake head' has a whole other meaning, but
that's another issue of Bizarre News altogether!]

—————— END OF READER COMMENTS ——————

We have all heard of tin foil hats, those worn by the UFO
and CIA mind-control conspiracy theorists. This woman in
Allentown, Pennsylvania, however, has taken the idea to a
new extreme.

To be fair, Elizabeth Feudale-Bowes does not thing that her
subconscious mind is being subtly influenced by carefully
tuned electro-magnetic radiation, she does, however, think
that her mind and body are being poisoned by the toxins of
modern life and technology. And her solution? To lock her-
self in a galvanized steel and porcelain shed outside her
house.

Feudale-Bowes, 52, says she was diagnosed several years ago
with “environmental illness,” described as extreme sensitiv-
ity to everyday substances. Some doctors question whether
environmental illness is a genuine physical disorder and
suggest it is psychological.

Feudale-Bowes says fabric softener, nail polish, perfume,
new sneakers, upholstery and many other items can make her
body go haywire. She says she has suffered from a range of
chronic ailments, including migraines, joint pain, bladder
inflammation, seizures and temporary paralysis. Her insides,
she says, have sometimes felt like “fire with ground glass
in it.”

The box, which she locks herself into for up to ten hours
a day, protects her from these environmental hazards, she
says.

The city, on the other hand, says it violates zoning rules.
After complains by neighbors in this suburb of Allentown, a
local judge has ordered the structure be removed.

I guess Elizabeth will now have to do what the rest of us do.
Drink.

Bizarrely,

Lewis

————————————————————

+——————– Bizarre Laws ——————–+
Oklahoma

Dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to
congregate in groups of three or more on private property.

Oklahoma will not tolerate anyone taking a bite out of
another’s hamburger.

It is illegal to have the hind legs of farm animals in
your boots.

People who make “ugly faces” at dogs may be fined and/or
jailed.

Cars must be tethered outside of public buildings.

Oral sex is a misdemeanor and is punishable by one year
in jail and a $2,500 fine.

Anyone arrested for soliciting a hooker must have their
name and picture shown on television.

Fish may not be contained in fishbowls while on a public
bus.

Tissues are not to be found in the back of one’s car.

It is illegal for the owner of a bar to allow anyone
inside to pretend to have sex with a buffalo.

***

——— Man charged with toilet paper assault ———-

NEW YORK – A New York man was charged with assault after
allegedly hitting his girlfriend in the eye with a roll
of toilet paper, prosecutors say. Richard Bigonzi, 38,
allegedly attacked Marit Ekeland, 62, with the toilet
paper Sunday in the apartment they share, the New York
Post reported Monday. “She was drunk,” Bigonzi told
police. “I threw her wine out the window. I’m not saying
whether I threw the toilet paper.” Ekeland said Bigonzi
is after her money. “I’m where he gets his money,” she
said. “I don’t have any children. He wants to inherit
all my wealth.”

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——– Man stuffs frozen shrimp into his pants ———

BRADENTON, Fla. – Police have arrested a Florida man for
trying to steal bags of frozen shrimp by stuffing them into
his pants. Joseph Young, 32, of Bradenton was spotted with
bulging pants Sunday by a detective who happened to be
shopping in the Sweebay supermarket, the Tampa Tribune
reports. Detective Robert Stevenson says Young removed
several bags of frozen shrimp from his pants after he was
questioned. Young attempted to flee but the Tribune says
Stevenson restrained him until deputies arrived.

——– Pigeons captured on spy claims in Iran ———

TEHRAN – Iranian security forces’ feathers may be ruffled
as they investigate possible espionage involving pigeons
flying around the country’s Natanz nuclear reactor. Media
reports indicate security forces seized two “spy pigeons”
near the uranium enrichment facility in Natanz and a second
location, Ynetnews.com reported. One pigeon wearing metal
rings and with invisible strings attached was caught near
a rose water production plant in Kashan, reports said.
Iranian sources say it’s within the realm of possibility
“that pigeons were used to spy on the nuclear facility in
Natanz,” Ynetnews.com said. The birds — possibly stool
pigeons — were handed over to defense officials. Last
year, Iran’s media reported 14 squirrels were arrested
for espionage. “The squirrels were equipped with the spy
gear of foreign agencies and were stopped before they
could act, thanks to the alertness of our intelligence
services,” the country’s official news agency reported
at the time.

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——– Applicants’ parents resort to sabotage ———

CHICAGO – A high school guidance counselor in New York says
sabotaging competitors has become one of the newest tools
for gaining entrance to college. Sue Moller of Long Island
received dozens of replies when she asked whether parents
were writing letters about the bad conduct of other high
school students to boost the admission chances of their
child, the Chicago Tribune reported Monday. “This is a lot
deeper than I thought it was when I posted this silly
question,” Moller said. “I can’t believe how widespread it
is.” The sabotage letters mailed to college admissions
offices typically arrive without a signature and accuse
rival applicants of such things as cheating on exams or
underage drinking. “People think if they disadvantage one
student, it may advantage theirs,” said Stacey Kostell,
director of undergraduate admission for the University of
Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. At Northwestern University,
one sabotage letter received by the admissions office was
written in crayon so it couldn’t be traced.

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————————————————————

Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural. Get The
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here…F-R-E-E..
Bizarre Uncensored

————————————————————

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Hey Lewis, I see that your rebuttals to the last two reader
comments (“keep on keeping on” and “Oh, no! I’ve gone cross-
eyed”) were respectively filched from the movies Joe Dirt
and Austin Powers. Two of the funniest movies ever! -Andrew
[I'm just writing to the audience, Andy, just writing to the
audience.]

Lewis: What’s wrong with frog legs pizza? Frogs legs are one
of the two foods I know of that when someone says it tastes
like chicken, it actually does. The other one is rattlesnake.
the frog legs pizza sounds really good, you can have the
anchovies though. -Bill
[There is nothing wrong with frog legs, but some things are
just not meant to go on a pizza. I like beef jerky, but I
wouldn't want it on a pizza!]

I thought pumpkins were gourds. -Scott
[No, no. Gourds are armed men, like the kind who stand in
front of Buckingham Palace.]

Hey Lewis, The strip club guy’s 15,000 worth of injuries were
probably sustained after he got home and explained to his
wife how he got the cut on his eyebrow. -Dianne
[The simplest solution to this problem would be to just marry
a stripper!]