Greetings fellow Bizarros:

They know how to grow up ‘em in Maryland, as evidenced by
their 2008 Miss Outdoors winner. This is not some vapid
beauty contest for bubble-headed teenagers. No, Maryland’s
Miss Outdoors has to display some real talents, like muskrat
skinning.

The key to successful muskrat skinning is a very sharp knife
the outgoing Miss Outdoors, Dakota Abbott, said. 17-year-old
Dakota, who won the Miss Outdoors title in 2008, earned $100
and a set of muskrat traps by winning the women’s junior
championship trophy in a muskrat-skinning contest last week-
end.

The tradition of Miss Outdoors competitions and muskrat
skinning began in 2003 when contestant Tiffany Brittingham
donned a sharp knife, along with jewelry and makeup to show
off her skinning skills. There is an image for you.

This year’s competition even included a contestant who
scalded a large chicken before plucking the feathers from
the bird.

But once the judges’ votes were tallied in this year’s Miss
Outdoors event, Abbigail Tyler was victorious — thanks to
her singing performance of “Red High Heels.”

Emcee Buddy Foxwell had one unusual pageant request for all
contestants, “All contestants are reminded to take your
carcasses home with you.”

Bizarrely,

Lewis

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+———– Even More Bizarre March Holidays ————+

March 21 is Fragrance Day

March 22 is National Goof-off Day

March 23 is National Organize Your Home Office Day and
National Chip and Dip Day

March 24 is National Chocolate Covered Raisins Day

March 25 is Pecan Day and Waffle Day

March 26 is Make Up Your Own Holiday Day and Spinach
Festival Day

March 27 is National “Joe” Day

March 28 is Something On A Stick Day

March 29 is Festival Of Smoke and Mirrors Day

March 30 is I Am In Control Day

March 31 is Bunsen Burner Day and National Clams On The
Half Shell Day

***

———- Two charged with gorilla head theft ————

APPLETON, Wis. – Two Minneapolis men have been arrested
and charged with theft after they allegedly stole the
head off of a Wisconsin store’s mechanical gorilla. Jesse
Varga, 24, and John Jenness Jr., 28, are scheduled to
appear March 10 for the misdemeanor charge in Wisconsin’s
Outagamie County Court after police said they took the
head off of a mechanical gorilla that had been displayed
for 15 years outside of Balloon Magic in Appleton, Wis.,
the Appleton Post-Crescent reported Thursday. They alleged-
ly tore the head off the gorilla, causing $1,500 in damage
to the item, on Thanksgiving Day and had the head “mounted
in a position of prominence” in their apartment, police
said. Minneapolis police said they discovered the head
in the apartment after an anonymous tip to Appleton
authorities. Varga and Jenness could each face up to
9 months imprisonment and a $10,000 fine.

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———- Councilman turns toilet into planter ———–

SNELLVILLE, Ga. – A Snellville, Ga., city councilman who
was warned for having a messy yard said he cleared away
all of the junk except a toilet that he converted into a
planter. Councilman Robert Jenkins was issued a warning
in January after Snellville Mayor Jerry Oberholtzer gave
police pictures of the toilet, a broken-down car and
other junk in the official’s yard, The Atlanta-Journal
Constitution reported Thursday. Jenkins said he got rid
of most of the offending items, but the toilet was instead
moved next to his driveway, surrounded by a halo of stones
and made host to a tulip, two bunches of daffodils and two
iris plants. “I just hated to get rid of it,” Jenkins said
of the commode. “It was in good shape. I’m waiting for some
warm weather to get it blooming. “It’s my contribution to
folk art, not to mention I do love to see things grow.”
Oberholtzer chuckled Tuesday when he was told of how
Jenkins had complied with the warning. “It’s good to hear
he cleaned up his act,” Oberholtzer said. “I certainly
wouldn’t put that in my front yard,” he said of the toilet
planter.

——– Man says he was pulled over for laughing ———

LIVERPOOL, England – A British motorist said he missed an
important appointment when he was pulled over by a police
officer for laughing behind the wheel. Gary Saunders of
Liverpool said he was talking to his brother-in-law on a
hands-free phone and laughing at a joke when he saw a
traffic officer flash police lights and signal for him to
pull over, The Daily Telegraph reported. Saunders said he
was asked to get out of his car and the police officer
said: “Laughing while driving a car can be an offense.” He
said the officer questioned him for half an hour before
letting him continue driving. “I couldn’t believe it when
he told me I’d been pulled over for laughing,” he said. “I
definitely wasn’t speeding so I asked what the problem was
and he told me I was laughing too much.” Saunders said the
officer took up half hour of his time by ordering him to
take his driver’s license and other documents to the police
station. “It went from ludicrous to unbelievable. He
definitely had a bee in his bonnet about something and I
got the brunt of it,” he said. “In the end he reluctantly
admitted that he had nothing he could accuse me of, but
still required me to take my documents to the station.”

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——— Zoo cancels poop sale due to herbicide ———-

SEATTLE – A Seattle zoo said it is canceling its spring
“Zoo Doo” fecal compost sale due to high levels of
herbicide in the manure blend. That’s Crappy! Woodland Park
Zoo officials said unacceptable levels of the herbicide
clopyralid were detected in the compost, which is comprised
of manures from several animals, straw bedding, wood chips,
leaves and grass, the Seattle Post-Intelligencer reported.
“We deeply regret that Zoo Doo will not be available for
our many loyal users,” zoo representative Dan Corum said.
“Gardeners can be assured that they will get the quality
they expect from Zoo Doo when it’s available again this
fall.” Officials said the Zoo Doo will be used around the
zoo, as clopyralid is not dangerous to the animals. They
said the sale was canceled because the herbicide could kill
some of the garden plants that it is meant to fertilize.
Woodland Park Zoo spokesman David Schaefer said the
facility sells about 1 million pounds of Zoo Doo each year
to several hundred gardeners who are chosen by lottery.

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Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural. Get The
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here…F-R-E-E..
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————————————————————

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Lewis, Regarding the bit about LA County trying to go curse
free…. a few years ago, a dude on my bowling league was
upset with the language he heard, so he wanted everyone to
put a quarter into a bucket every they swore. The idea
quickly fizzled when we nicknamed it the F**k-it Bucket.
He got so pisssed, he quit the league! -BB
[Did he say "F*ck-it" when he left?]

Lewis, I fail to see the bad parenting in this but if it were
me, I would tell them both, PACK YOUR BAGS AND GET OUT YOU
ARE NO LONGER MY SONS. -Bob
[You fail to see how a guy getting smacked in the head with
a snow shovel by his own sons is a failure in parenting? What
would you call it?]

The proper term for the anatomy is buttocks, not “anus” .
The anus is the actual opening which ain’t pretty no matter
who looks at it! The opening is gross while some people
find the buttocks pretty. -NYLG
[Not that I want to turn this into an issue of Great Sex-
pectations, but some people would argue with you.]

“People don’t want handouts! People want hand jobs!” This
is B.S with regard to a lot of people. Some are born into
welfare and a job is the last resort. Some states pay so
well that taking a job would result in a financial cut
back. But what the hell? Taxpayers can afford it, right?
-Rick

To your comment about people not wanting handout but hand
jobs: Roger that. And BOY, did we get a hand job in the
last election – eh? -Bob.

—————— END OF READER COMMENTS ——————