Greetings fellow Bizarros:

We’ve been having one heck of a cold snap in most of the U.S.
It actually dipped below zero last night in several areas
around Chicago. This, combined with the one hundred and forty
dollar heating bill I just paid prompted me to do a little
research into an alternative home heating source I had read
about in the past…corn-burning stoves.

This is not exactly new technology. But you would normally
find corn stoves and more common wood-burning stoves in farm-
houses and cabins. Now, as natural gas prices have doubled,
economically and environmentally-minded consumers are becoming
more and more interested in cheaper and renew- able energy
sources. And the answer seems to be corn.

Of course, this wouldn’t work in an apartment. You would need
a house with room enough for a reasonably sized corn hopper.
But if you can manage that, corn-generated heat costs less
than a fifth of the current rate for propane and about a third
of electrical heat.

I was discussing all of this with one of the assistant editors
when I caught TZ’s ear who just happened to be walking past my
office.

“What did you say?!” he interrupted. “People are buying porn-
burning stoves?”

“Yes,” I answered straight-faced. “With the over-production of
adult material in recent years, old issues of “Big ‘Uns”,
“Hustler”, “Swank” and “Plumpers” have become cheaper to burn
than natural gas.”

He just looked at me for a second and said, “Do they still
publish ‘Plumpers?’”

Anyway, if you’re interested. Retail prices for corn stoves
range from 1,600 to 3,000 dollars. However, advocates say the
stoves pay for themselves within a year or two. But you’d
better really like the smell of popcorn.

Bizarrely,

Lewis

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+——— Even More Bizarre Holidays In January ———-+

January 21 is National Hugging Day

January 22 is National Answer Your Cat’s Question Day and
National Blonde Brownie Day

January 23 is National Handwriting Day, National Pie Day,
and Measure Your Feet Day

January 24 is Eskimo Pie Patent Day

January 25 is Opposite Day

January 26 is Australia Day

January 27 is Punch the Clock Day and Thomas Crapper Day

January 28 is National Kazoo Day, Clash Day, Rattle Snake
Round-Up Day

January 29 is National Cornchip Day

January 30 is Escape Day

January 31 is National Popcorn Day and Child Labor Day

***

———- Russian monument celebrates enemas ————

ZHELEZNOVODSK, Russia - A health center in Zheleznovodsk,
Russia, has unveiled what is believed to be the world’s
first monument celebrating enema treatments. Workers at
the Mashuk Akva-Term Sanatorium said the monument, which
depicts an 800-pound bronze syringe bulb being carried on
the backs of three angels, was planned because the health
center carries out hundreds of the procedures every day,
The Sun reported Thursday. “As gastroenterology is the
main treatment area at the Zheleznovodsk spa center, it
was decided to create such a unique monument, which is
both funny and vital,” said Alexander Kharchenko, director
of the medical center.

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——— Man’s wasp plan destroys garage, car ———–

FARDAL, Norway - A Fardal, Norway, man said his attempt
to rid his garage of wasps ended with the structure
burning to the ground with his car inside. The elderly
man said he poured lighter fluid on a rag and lit it in
an attempt to smoke the wasps out of their nest, but the
flames spread to the woodpile that held the nest and
ignited a blaze that took down the entire garage,
Aftenposten reported Thursday. “Maybe using lighter fluid
wasn’t such a good idea, but it was an accident all the
same and the wasps are gone,” the man said. He said he is
waiting to hear from his insurance company to see if the
loss of his garage and car will be covered.

——– Police: Credit card thief uses own name ———-

IOWA CITY, Iowa - Police say an Iowa man accused of credit
card theft forgot who he was supposed to be and allegedly
signed his real name on credit card slips. Kody David
Merrival, 21, of Iowa City, Iowa, was arrested after an
unidentified man told police that his wallet had been
stolen and his credit cards were being used, the Iowa City
Press-Citizen reported Thursday. Police say Merrival
allegedly used the card for his own account at a coffee
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a carton of cigarettes, the Press-Citizen reported. Police
caught up with him when he allegedly tried to make a
purchase at a deli. Merrival, who allegedly confessed to
using the credit card but denied stealing the wallet, has
been charged with an aggravated misdemeanor, the Press-
Trust reported.

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——- Montana man crashed bike into wild bear ——–

MISSOULA, Mont. - A 57-year-old man in Missoula, Mont.,
says he is lucky to be alive after accidentally crashing
his bicycle into the side of a wild bear. Middle school
teacher Jim Litz said he often sees bears during his daily
commute along a dirt road but he didn’t’ have time to avoid
one of the animals that wandered into his way Monday, The
(Missoula, Mont.) Missoulian said. “I didn’t have time to
respond. I never even hit my brakes,” Litz said. The
teacher said after the impact flipped him off his bike,
the bear began clawing at him, apparently in confusion and
anger. The attack left Litz with scratches and bruises over
most of his body. Litz said he was sore and a bit clawed
up, but lucky to have survived - and he holds no ill will
toward the animal. “I was truly lucky, because I accosted
the bear and he let me live,” he told the Missoulian. “I
truly respect them. They’re beautiful creatures.”

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Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural. Get The
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here…F-R-E-E..
Bizarre Uncensored

————————————————————

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

What the $#!*!!!! Where are the reader comments? Don’t
worry, folks. I’ll will get to them just as soon as I get
back from the holiday break. So, keep sending me your
wonderful and insightful observations.