Greetings fellow Bizarros:

I have to share this story I just read with you. I’m like
Indiana Jones when it comes to snakes. I just can’t handle
them…and when I read this it totally freaked me out.

A St. Petersburg, Florida man received a rude awakening
earlier this week when he lifted the lid on his toilet and
found a snake curled inside, with its head sticking out of
the bowl!

It turns out the slippery stow-away was a 6-foot African
rock python. Experts said the serpent is just a baby, as
African rock pythons get as big as 20 feet long or longer.

The man even called his boss and told him he’d be late
because he’d had to wrestle a snake out of his toilet. His
boss joked he would need a better excuse than that. So he
brought the snake into work with him.

You don’t get to use an excuse like that every day!

So for the last four days I’ve been checking the toilet
religiously every time I go into the bathroom. The wife
thinks I’m nuts since it’s winter here in the Chicago area.
But you only have to be wrong once!

Bizarrely,

Lewis
————————————————————

+—————– Bizarre Doctors’ Notes —————–+

[These are actual notes taken from patient charts.]

“The patient complains of a dry cough that hurts when he
coughs and also when he takes deep breaths for 4 days.”

“While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated, and sent
home.”

“Patient had waffles for breakfast, and anorexia for
lunch.”

“The patient states there is a burning pain in his penis
which goes to his feet.”

“Patient was alert and unresponsive.”

“Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for
over a year.”

“The patient has no past history of suicides.”

“The patient left the hospital feeling much better except
for her original complaints.”

“Patient has left his white blood cells at another
hospital.

“The other foot has the missing toe.”

***

———– Man finds coin lost for 102 years ————

LONDON – A British man said he has found a gold sovereign,
worth about $222, that was lost on his farm more than 100
years ago. Alan Booton, 64, said he heard a story about a
previous occupant of the Greatham, England, farm losing
the coin, which was a gift for his daughter’s wedding, in
1907, The Times of London reported Monday. Booton said he
found the lost coin with the help of metal detecting
enthusiast John Forster. He said the coin bears the image
of King Edward VII and St. George on the opposite side.

————————————————————
FOREVER GREEN BAGS – Package of 16…

Normal Price: $9.99
DEAL PRICE: $5.99
Get Two Packages (32 Bags) for $9.98

Tired of throwing out rotten food? Green Bags prolong the
life of your fruits, vegetables and cut flowers without
the use of chemicals. Stock up on produce without worrying
about rapid spoilage or extend the life of your homegrown
fruits & veggies.

HOW GREEN BAGS WORK:
Fruits, vegetables and flowers release ethylene gas while
ripening after harvesting or picking. Ethylene gas
accelerates ripening, aging and rotting. Green Bags absorb
and remove this damaging gas, dramatically extending the
life of fruits, vegetables and flowers.

FEATURES:
- You get 16 Green Bags (8 – 9″ x 15″, 8 – 12″ x 17″)
- Save Money… Waste Less Produce
- Reusable up to 20 Times
- Keep Produce Fresh Approx. 30 Day
- Reduce Vitamin Loss by 50%

It does all that with NO CHEMICALS! Get one package of
16 Green Bags for $5.99 or pick up two packages (32 Green
Bags) for $9.98. Yep… you’re getting two for the normal
price of one.
VISIT: FOREVER GREEN BAGS – Package of 15…
————————————————————

——— Man solves Rubik’s Cube after 26 years ———–

PORTCHESTER, England – A Rubik’s Cube enthusiast in Britain
said he has finally solved his puzzle after struggling with
it for 26 years. Graham Parker of Portchester, England,
said he first bought his Rubik’s Cube in 1983 and has since
spent more than 27,400 hours struggling with the colored
cube puzzle, The Daily Telegraph reported. “I cannot tell
you what a relief it was to finally solve it. It has driven
me mad over the years — it felt like it had taken over my
life,” Parker said. “I have missed important events to stay
in and solve it and I would lay awake at night thinking
about it. “When I clicked that last bit into place and each
face was a solid color I wept,” he said. Ray Hodgkin, a
representative of the World Cube Association, the governing
body for Rubik’s cube competitions, said Parker’s struggle
with the puzzle may be the longest on record. “I am
impressed by Graham’s dedication — the Rubik’s Cube can
be a very frustrating thing. The WCA would like to
congratulate him on his achievement,” he said. Hodgkin is
easily no threat to break the world record for solving a
Rubik’s Cube, held by Erik Akkersdijk of the Netherlands,
who finished the puzzle in 7.08 seconds, the newspaper
said.

——— Cadbury warns milk chocolate has milk ———–

LONDON – A British chocolate maker said a new warning
label will inform consumers of milk content in milk
chocolate, even though “milk” is in the candy’s name.
Cadbury said the famous Cadbury Dairy Milk chocolate bar
– which lists milk first on the ingredients list and
explains that the bars contain “the equivalent of three
quarters of a pint of fresh liquid milk in every half
pound of milk chocolate” — will soon bear an additional
message reading “CONTAINS: MILK,” Sky News reported. A
spokesman for Cadbury said the warning is aimed at
complying with laws that govern the presence of allergens
in food. However, Moira Austin, helpline manager for the
Anaphylaxis Campaign food allergy support group, said
Cadbury is merely “stating the blindingly obvious.” “The
law requires manufacturers to list allergens if they are
an ingredient. It does not require these additional
warnings,” she said.

————————————————————
SUPER SIZE SHAMMIE
Made In Germany, Don’t Be Fooled By Others…

Retail Price: $9.99
DEAL PRICE: $2.99
Get two for $4.98

Now is the time to get this FULL SIZED SHAMMIE for just
$2.99. Made in Germany don’t be fooled by others on the
market that just don’t do the job AND are more than triple
the price!

Like on TV, this Super Size Shammie Absorbs 50% than
natural chamois. It’s extra large size of 27 x 17 can be
cut in half for smaller jobs. Durable enough for just
about any task, but soft and gentle enough for use on any
surface.

It’s the PERFECT cleaning cloth and has hundreds of house-
hold uses: floors, countertops, appliances, furniture
windows, pets and more. Perfect for washing car or boat,
too! Like on TV, this soft, absorbent and non-abrasive
cloth is 100% polyester and will not scratch or damage any
surface. Best of all… it’s reusable! Just machine wash-
able… but do not tumble dry.
SUPER SIZE SHAMMIE – Made In Germany…
————————————————————

———- Woman, 107, not giving up on love ———–

CHONGQING, China – A 107-year-old woman in the Chinese city
of Chongqing says she is looking to get married for the
first time in her life. Wang Guiying said at her advanced
age she is growing increasingly concerned that time is
running out on her chance at finding a husband, The Sun
(Britain) reported Monday. “I’m already 107 and I still
haven’t got married,” Wang said. “What will happen if I
don’t hurry up and find a husband?” Wang said finding an
ideal mate would also allow her to become less of a burden
to her family members, who she says have their own familial
concerns to focus on. “My nephews and nieces are getting
older and their children are already tied up with their own
families and I am becoming more and more of a burden,” she
said. The Sun said Wang does have at least one prerequisite
for a potential hubby. She requires any potential suitors
to be at least 100 years old.

————————————————————
STEALTH S.S.A. HEARING AMPLIFIER

Retail Price: $39.99
Deal Price: $29.99
Get Two for $59.98

Stealth S.S.A.® is the original sound amplifier cleverly
disguised as an expensive cell phone ear piece! The light-
weight and compact design of our Stealth S.S.A.® makes it
comfortable to wear during your normal, daily routine. It
has a soft foam handle that fits snugly over the ear; so
comfortable you may even forget you’re wearing it!

The Stealth S.S.A.® includes Lifetime Rechargeable Lithium
Batteries and UL listed charger so you can feel secure that
the Stealth S.S.A.® will last through your busy day – up to
10 hours!

While some hearing devices can cost hundreds or even
thousands of dollars, the Stealth S.S.A.® is a remarkable
value. Say goodbye to the strain and struggle of muffled
sounds and say hello to the Stealth S.S.A.®.
Check it out at: STEALTH S.S.A. HEARING AMPLIFIER
————————————————————

Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural. Get The
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here…F-R-E-E..
Bizarre Uncensored

————————————————————

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

So you ask “What is it with you people and the space money
shot?” Well, a bit back you were suprised with how large a
gay following/readership you had, aren’t gay men supposedly
obsessed with That? -One of many Dave’s who read Bizarre News
[When I said I had a large gay following I met a 300-pound
guy named Bruce who won't leave me alone.]

One of the weirdest parts of this story is this. Now that
the Governor has been impeached by the House, the next step
in the process is that the Senate needs to be called to
session in order to hold a trial. Guess whose job it is to
call the Senate into session? The Governors… I was quite
unimpressed by the reasons found for impeachment of this
particular character (Gov. Blag)…. The first one was that
he went around the Legislators in getting Rx drugs to be
purchased by the State from a pharmacy in Canada, in direct
defiance of an FDA ban on the practice. Doing what he did
allowed him to keep a campaign promise: to get Rx for IL low
income citizens at a reasonable price and at a substantial
savings to the taxpayers in instances where the taxpayers
are picking up the tab. How is this an impeachable event?
[I think law-makers are more concerned with the millions of
dollars he (allegedly) extorted and the fact that he tried
to sell a U.S. congressional seat.]

Oh great. Space sex in the news. You know if they go through
with this, there’s going to be a big uproar about why NASA is
discriminating against gays or interracial couples or trans-
vestites, etc.. “Everyone deserves an equal right to have sex
in orbit!” -Justin
[If you could get a gay couple to qualify as astronauts I'm
sure they would be considered. But then NASA would need to
develop space lube.]

Is “Barak O’bama’s” Irish? Just wondering. -Amy O’Gallagher.
[He could be. He's certainly not black.]

If the IL impeachments are illegal, will they have to impeach
themselves for illegal impeaching? What if that’s illegal?
Must they now impeach themselves for illegally impeaching over
an illegal impeachment?
[In an effort not to misinform my readers I did a little more
research and DID find a provision in the Illinois constitution
for impeachment. Apparently the article I read earlier did not
have it right. It is just that it has never happened before.]