Greetings fellow Bizarros:

I’m still not 100 percent if this is real, but I found a
story on the Internet describing how some women are paying
ridiculous amounts of money for a skin treatment you are
not going to believe…semen.

Apparently science is finally backing up what guys have
been telling their disgusted girlfriends for decades; that
warm, sticky baby-batter really is good for your skin.

There is a company called ‘Cmen Beauty Now’ (you can search
for it yourself if you don’t believe me) that offers semen
face cream packs discreetly packaged and sent via courier.

They guarantee that their clean and washed semen has been
tested for all STIs (with test documentation included).
It is sent frozen, for your convenience and you can keep
unused portions in your freezer. Exactly what you want in
there nestled next to your frozen pizzas.

They recommend mixing the semen with the oil or cream or
even a little egg white and applying after a face scrub.

COST: $400 per month.

Meanwhile, a Scandinavian company called ‘Skinscience’ is
marketing an entire line of Spermine beauty creams and
serums. Spermine is an antioxidant found in human semen
that’s said to be 30 times stronger than vitamin E and able
to repair sunburned skin.

Can you imagine? An entire line of cum creams women are
paying top dollar for, and your wife or girlfriend won’t
even give you a hand-job without scrubbing afterward with
antibacterial soap. Every man subscribed to this list should
forward this email to their wives or girlfriends if they’re
smart!

Bizarrely,

Lewis

————————————————————

+————- Bizarre Things To Think About ————–+

Does killing time damage eternity?

How do you write zero in Roman numerals?

Do people in Australia call the rest of the world “up over”?

Why is it that night falls but day breaks?

How can there be self-help “groups”?

How do you get off a non-stop flight?

If tin whistles are made out of tin, what do they make
foghorns out of?

If you shouldn’t drink and drive, why do bars have parking
lots?

If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?

How come wrong numbers are never busy?

***

———— Wrong prisoner released from jail ————-

MYRTLE BEACH, S.C. – Police in South Carolina said a man
sentenced to five days in jail was mistakenly released
when he claimed to be a man 16 years his senior. Capt.
David Knipes, spokesman for the Myrtle Beach Police
Department, said Richard Daniel Wines, 18, pleaded guilty
to a public intoxication charge and was given a five day
jail sentence Saturday. But he walked out of the facility
later that same day by claiming to be Jonathan Jermain
Gardner, 34, who was due to be released, The (Myrtle Beach)
Sun News reported Tuesday. Police said Wine was given
Knipes’s possessions before leaving the jail about
10:42 a.m. Saturday. Knipes said the jail officers did not
follow complete procedures. “They are supposed to verify
the information on the booking card,” Knipes said. “They
ask your name, date of birth, Social Security number,
address… and any number of identifying factors. In this
case, that did not happen.” The real Jonathan Gardner, who
was released Saturday afternoon, said he plans to discuss
the error with jail officials. “I don’t understand it,”
said Gardner, who was jailed on a public intoxication
charge. “They’re supposed to ask you for your Social
Security number and whatever. As far as I’ve been told,
they didn’t do any of that. And they gave him all of my
valuables.”

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——- Firefighters rescue man in Pooh-esque bind ——–

WAIPOPO, New Zealand – New Zealand authorities said they
freed a man stuck like “Winnie-the-Pooh” in his electric
dryer while trying to retrieve a pair of underpants.
Senior Constable Greg Sutherland of the Temuka police said
a police officer, an ambulance and two fire crews were sent
to the Waipopo home about 6:30 p.m. Sunday after the 42-
year-old man’s heard, arms and shoulders became stuck in
the dryer while he was trying to retrieve a pair of under-
wear from the back of the appliance, The Timaru (New
Zealand) Herald reported Monday. “He got in through the
door of the dryer, his shoulders got stuck and he couldn’t
maneuver,” much like Winnie, the beloved children’s story
character who got his head stuck in a honey jar, Sutherland
said. Sutherland said the man, who had been drinking, was
“fairly agitated” once responders arrived, but the rescue
was simple enough: Two firefighters held the dryer in place
while two others yanked the man out. “We do entrapments…
This would be one of the more unusual entrapments,” fire-
fighter Rooy Hoogenraad said.

————- Clerk: No weapon, no robbery —————

BRIDEWATER, Australia – A man who busted into an Australian
gas station and demanded money was told by the unimpressed
clerk that no payments will be made to unarmed robbers.
Crown Prosecutor Jane Williams said John Newall, 27, was
nearing the close of a four-day amphetamine binge when he
walked into the United service station in Bridewater and
exclaimed: “I want the money,” The Mercury of Tasmania,
Australia, reported. The clerk, however, was not impress-
ed by the attempted robber, authorities said. “You need a
weapon,” he said. “I have to fear for my life. You can’t
just have the money.” Newall managed to run off with $400
from the cash register after the clerk opened it for
another customer, authorities said. He used the money to
buy food at McDonald’s and lost the rest on poker machines
at a casino. Newall was arrested the following day and was
identified using surveillance video from the gas station.
Newall pleaded guilty to stealing and was sentenced to four
months in jail. He is also serving jail sentences for
unrelated offenses, The Mercury said.

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———– Couple first to wed in zero gravity ————

MERRITT ISLAND, Fla. – The New York couple who became the
first to marry in zero gravity said the high altitude
ceremony was “beautiful.” Saturday’s wedding of Noah
Fulmor, 31, and Erin Finnegan, 30, was broken into 30-
second segments as the Zero Gravity Corp.’s modified
Boeing 727-200 aircraft made parabolic arcs high in the
atmosphere to simulate moments of weightlessness, WKMG-TV,
Orlando, Fla., reported. “When you’re floating, and it’s
under control, it’s beautiful,” Fulmor said after returning
to Earth at Florida’s Kennedy Space Center. “When you’re
twisting, all of a sudden someone has to grab you and
steady you. There were moments that were absolutely as I
had imagined them. The bouquet toss was as though it was
staged in a movie, and we were watching it. It floated out
and was caught effortlessly by one of the bridesmaids.”
Richard Garriott, an investor in Zero Gravity Corp. and the
son of an astronaut, officiated during the ceremony. “It
was a bit tricky,” he said. “They had planned their own
ceremony quite well. They broke it up into 30-second
episodes of the wedding. For each parabola, we did one
small exchange.” Garriott said it was the couple’s love of
space that led him to agree to officiate at the first zero
gravity wedding. “If there’s a couple who should be doing
this first, they’re clearly the ones,” he said. “Noah and
Erin are huge space fans.”

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Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural. Get The
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here…F-R-E-E..
Bizarre Uncensored

————————————————————

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

The Baby Boomers created the Social Security problem like
Many others. It was never funded properly from the start.
Personally I think Boomers made a bigger mess by bringing
in “New Math” and dropping Sat scores by 30 percent. It
is still the Baby Boomers legacy to some extent that math
is essentially no longer taught before grade 9. In Hong
Kong for example they teach calculus by grade 9. Revolution
is the last thing we need. We need slow measured change
that is proven to work. -John
[I'm sorry...you think New Math created the impending in-
solvency of Social Security?]

Hey Lewis! There’s a major problem with the new policy
in Brooksville, Florida that requires employees to wear
underwear. If the managers are going to be watching for
employees who aren’t wearing panties or briefs, they are
leaving themselves wide open for a sexual harassment
lawsuit. How is a manager going to determine whether a
woman is “going commando” without looking up her skirt?
And if a man is wearing low-rise briefs, the waistband
won’t show. Who is going to check him for underwear?
-Jody
[You could always have employees check each other. It would
make the workplace a lot more interesting.]

i had a chihauhau growing up. he was the meanest little
bastard and the terror of the neighborhood. but the best
watch dog ever. -roni

Lewis, you cracked me up when you said you “wonder if my
mother dropped me a lot when I was a baby….” No IFs
about it, dude…. Ruth

25 years ago, as a high school student, even I figured
out the math that there was no way there’d be any money
in social security when I hit 65, and that was before
the crazy-stupid amounts of debt spending we’ve had since
then. Unless we get the political will to DRASTICALLY cut
entitlements and other insane spending, there’s no way
out of the mess. This isn’t some sort of “bring on the
revolution” statement, but historical fact–the only items
that hold their value when the economy really hits bottom
are guns and ammo. That’s one of the reasons those sales
are at record levels. -Steve
[Entitlements are one thing, sure. Bureaucracy is another.
I just read today that California's revenue in 2002 was
$1.1 trillion. In 2007 is was almost $2 trillion. That's
an 81% increase. Population and inflation over the same
time period rose only 19%. So where did all the money go?]

—————— END OF READER COMMENTS ——————