Here is a perfect example of the justice system gone wrong.
Just because a man dresses up in women’s clothes, breaks
into a private gym and enjoys a little porn is he necessarily
a criminal? Well, if he’s loaded with drugs he might be.

Police say a California man donning a bustier and watching
porn on a computer in an apartment complex gym was arrested
after officers found drugs in his backpack.

Sgt. Todd Bullock says 45-year-old Stephen Murdoch of Tustin
was arrested after a security guard spotted him in a workout
room that was supposed to be closed and locked.

When police peered inside, they saw Murdoch – also in a mini-
skirt, fishnet stockings and heels – hiding behind exercise
equipment and watching an adult film on a laptop.

Officers noticed Murdoch was sweating profusely and talking
quickly. They arrested him on suspicion of drug possession
after allegedly finding marijuana, methamphetamine and pipes
in his bag.

He might be able to ‘get off’ on the porn but he won’t be
able to ’skirt’ the drug charges.

Bizarrely,

Lewis

————————————————————

+—————– Bizarre July Holidays ——————+

July 1 is Creative Ice Cream Flavor and Build A Scarecrow Day

July 2 is Visitation Of The Virgin Mary Day

July 3 is Stay Out Of The Sun and Compliment Your Mirror Day

July 4 is National Country Music and Tom Sawyer Fence-Paint-
ing Day

July 5 is Workaholics Day

July 6 is National Fried Chicken Day

July 7 is National Strawberry Sundae Day

July 8 is Video Games Day

July 9 is National Sugar Cookie Day

July 10 is Clerihew Day

***

——– Woman finds treasure with metal detector ———

HEMEL HEMPSTEAD, England – A British woman said her seven
years of combing fields and beaches with a metal detector
paid off with a 15th-century piece of gold valued at about
$400,000. Mary Hannaby, 57, said she and her son, Michael,
33, were walking in a Hertfordshire field when they
discovered the item, believed to be part of a reliquary or
pendant, four inches below the ground, a position experts
said it has likely been in for about 500 years, The Daily
Telegraph reported. “You can literally miss things by
inches,” Michael Hannaby said. “We couldn’t believe it.
We always dreamed of finding treasure.” Roger Bland, head
of treasure at the British Museum, said the item, which
depicts the Holy Trinity, is an “important find” but the
museum does not have the funds to participate in its
auction, scheduled for July 9 at Sotheby’s in London.

————————————————————
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————————————————————

——– Swedish city votes to let women go topless ——–

MALMO, Sweden – The sports and recreation committee in
Malmo, Sweden, has voted to allow women to go topless in
the city’s swimming pools. The board struck down a motion
that women “with two-piece swimsuits ought to wear a top
piece,” after controversy was sparked by members of the
feminist Just Breasts/Bare Breasts network made visits to
the city’s pools sans bikini tops, The Local reported. The
board ended up approving a measure stating that “everybody
should wear bathing suits” at the city’s pools but the
measure does not specify that women must cover their upper
halves. “I’m satisfied with the decision,” said Bengt
Forsberg, chair of the sports and recreation committee on
recreation. “Everyone is required to have a swimsuit when
visiting the city’s indoor pools and if it doesn’t cover
the upper body, that’s OK too.” Forsberg, a Social
Democrat, said he believes the entire issue has been
overblown. “We don’t define what bathing suits men should
wear so it doesn’t make much sense to do it for women. And
besides, it’s not unusual for men to have large breasts
that resemble women’s breasts,” he said. Wait, WHAT!?!

——— Secretary charged with grade changing ———-

HUNTINGDON, Pa. – Pennsylvania authorities said a high
school secretary in Huntingdon has been charged with
using school computers to change her daughter’s grades.
State Attorney General Tom Corbett said Caroline McNeal,
39, a secretary at the 800-student Huntingdon Area High
School, has been charged with giving boosts to her
daughter’s grades on at least 193 occasions and lowering
the grades of two other girls to improve her daughter’s
class standing, the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette reported
Friday. McNeal, who was fired from the school, was charged
with 29 felony counts of unlawful use of a computer and
29 felony counts of tampering with public records. “Tamper-
ing with official records for personal or family gain is a
serious violation of the public trust. Our citizens depend
on people in public positions, including school employees,
to protect the safety and security of these records and
not use confidential information for their own benefit,”
Corbett said.

————————————————————
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————————————————————

——– Worker gave dropped ring to wrong person ———

COMMACK, N.Y. – Authorities said a Commack, N.Y., Target
employee who witnessed a customer drop a $19,000 diamond
ring mistakenly handed it to the wrong person. Police said
the ring slipped off the 42-year-old woman’s finger while
she was at the store May 6 and the employee ran out into
the parking lot to find her, the New York Post reported.
However, he did not actually find the ring’s owner, but a
woman in a similar hairstyle and coat who claimed the ring
as hers after the employee showed it to her and asked if
she had dropped it. Police said the woman used cash to pay
for her purchases at the store so they are using security
camera footage to try to identify her. The true owner of
the ring said it had been a 10th anniversary gift from
her husband. “The ring meant a lot to me,” she said. “My
husband worked hard to buy me that ring. No matter what
the circumstances, it’s not hers. The insurance company
paid me, but I don’t want the money. I want the ring back.”

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————————————————————

Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural. Get The
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here…F-R-E-E..
Bizarre Uncensored

————————————————————

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

RE: Social Security. When FDR first instituted Social Security
there were 37 people working for each retired person. The baby
boom occurred after that and was obviously not anticipated.
When boomers start to retire in droves, there will be 2 people
working (and paying into SS) for every retired person receiving
payments. -Jim d
[That is a good way to look at the numbers.]

I checked out the Cmen web site, they also offer breast milk
treatments. Can only wonder how much they pay for the product
so they can resell it. I know they would have no shortage of
men wanting to sell. The women may be a different story.

Semen is good for your skin? You mean all that time I wasted
on Internet Porn sites could have been spent happily making
money? -Bill

That couple may be “huge space fans”, but what about people
like me who were brought up with the expectation that space
travel was but a few years in the future? I wonder if I can
sue Random House for breach of implied promise – I have an
Early Reader book (c. 1958) titled “You WILL Go to the Moon”.
I’m almost 50 and still waiting. -Lois B. P.S. You’re the
best of all the Gopher Central team, TZ and the others can’t
hold a candle to you!

Hey Lewis, not only is cum good for the skin, but so is your
first morning urine. I think we could go into business
together, you make me laugh so hard I could pee……Marie
[Creepy...and slightly intriguing.]

—————— END OF READER COMMENTS ——————

The global financial crunch is hitting everybody, even horny,
Chinese business tycoons who are forced to cut all the way
down from five to one mistress. But this particular horny,
Chinese business tycoon had a sporting streak. Instead of
just picking his favorite he held a competition between all
of his girls. A competition that ultimately lead to one’s
death.

The details behind the death came to light after the parents
of the 29-year-old dead woman, only identified as Yu, handed
over to police a letter that she had written.

In her letter she said had been one of five mistresses kept
by a married Chinese businessman, identified only by his
surname, Fan, since 2000. All the five knew about each other,
but chose not to break up the relationship as they received
a monthly allowance of 5,000 yuan ($733) and a rent-free
apartment.

The businessman was going to lay off four of his five
mistresses due to financial troubles. The women were allowed
to vie for the remaining position by competing on their
looks, their singing and their ability to drink alcohol (which
is exactly how I picked my wife, by the way).

When Fan told Yu she had lost her position and he was selling
her apartment, she decided to take revenge. She invited the
businessman and the four other mistresses on a mountain trip
and drove the car off a cliff, killing herself and seriously
injuring the other passengers.

As a result of the scandal, the tycoon’s wife demanded a
divorce after learning about his affairs, while the four
mistresses left him after he shut down his business. He also
had to pay $85,000 compensation to the parents of the dead
woman.

Bizarrely,

Lewis

————————————————————

+—————— Bizarre Town Names ——————–+

Horneytown, North Carolina

Whynot, North Carolina

Hicksville, Ohio

Knockemstiff, Ohio

Slaughterville, Oklahoma

Idiotville, Oregon

Virginville, Pennsylvania

Sweet Lips, Tennessee

Ding Dong, Texas

Looneyville, Texas

Butts, Virginia

Imalone, Wisconsin

Toad Suck, Texas

Intercourse, Pennsylvania

Unalaska, Alaska

French Lick, Indiana

***

———– Vanity plate causes porn inquiries ————

EAST MEADOW, N.Y. – A suburban New York man said the
personalized license plate he obtained for his car —
XXX PERT — causes many people to ask him about buying
pornography. Henry DeRossi, 78, of East Meadow, N.Y.,
said the plate on his Mercedes-Benz is a reference to his
business, Expert Metal Slitters of Long Island City, N.Y.,
but the triple-X on the plate causes many to confuse him
for a porn seller, the New York Daily News reported. “You’d
be surprised how many people stop me when I am at a light
and want to buy porn,” DeRossi said. He told the Daily News
the number of people confused by the plate has grown to
the point where his auto dealer has him park the vehicle
in a back lot when he brings it in for service.

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————————————————————

————- Missing: About 150 bowling balls ————-

FRANKFORT, N.Y. – The owner of a New York state restaurant
with its own bowling alley said all but one of the
establishment’s bowling balls have disappeared without a
trace. Alicia Gatto, owner of Thurston’s Restaurant in
Frankfort, N.Y., said the bowling alley had been closed
for repairs and was last used — with all balls intact —
Feb. 7, the (Utica, N.Y.) Observer-Dispatch reported.
Gatto said some men from the restaurant went into the
bowling alley Friday night and discovered all but one of
the estimated 150 bowling balls were missing. “There’s
one left in the front, but the rest are all gone,” she
said. “I’m lost.” Gatto said she has no idea how the ball
thieves worked around the locked doors, daytime security
cameras and nighttime motion detector security alarms.

——– Train station puts up ‘No Kissing’ signs ———

WARRINGTON, England – Officials at a British railway
station said they erected “No Kissing” signs to stop
lovers saying their romantic farewells from holding up
commuters. Colin Daniels, chief executive of Warrington
Chamber of Commerce in England, said the signs were put
up at the Warrington Bank Quay station as part of the
facility’s recent refurbishment after managers complained
that amorous encounters were blocking foot traffic at the
station, The Daily Mail reported Monday. “It was all a bit
of fun. But now Virgin Trains have agreed to put them up
as part of the refurbishment,” he said. “They may seem
frivolous but there is a serious message underneath. They
certainly make our station unique.” Managers at the station
said amorous couples sharing passionate farewells or joyous
reunions will have to keep their lip-locking limited to
designated kissing areas. Commuters offered mixed opinions
of the new signs. “Someone in an office somewhere must have
a good sense of humor,” train rider John Finney, 29, told
The Daily Mail. “We’re law-abiding citizens, though, so of
course we won’t be breaking the rules.” Amy Swain, 21, said
she thinks the signs are “good” but she expressed doubts
about their effectiveness. “I don’t think it’ll stop
people,” she said to the newspaper.

————————————————————
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————————————————————

———— Cat alerts owner to lung cancer —————

CALGARY, Alberta – A Canadian house cat not known for
being affectionate is being credited with alerting its
owner in Calgary, Alberta, about a cancerous tumor in his
lung. Lionel Adams, 59, told the Calgary Sun his 8-year-old
orange tabby called Tiger began some unusual behavior late
last summer. “He would climb into bed and take his paw and
drag it down my left side — he was adamant there was some-
thing there,” Adams told the Sun. “And it was right where
the cancer was.” Surgeons subsequently removed a tumor the
size of a soda can, he said. “I think if he hadn’t done
the pawing part it could have gone on for another five,
six months undetected,” he said. Barbara Walmer, department
head of behavior at the Calgary Humane Society, told the
newspaper there is evidence some dogs can sniff out some
cancers and it’s feasible cats, with their acute olfactory
sense, could do the same. “I think we see more predicting
in dogs but, for sure, many pet owners have reported pets
can have a sixth sense when knowing when something is
wrong,” she said.

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————————————————————

Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural. Get The
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here…F-R-E-E..
Bizarre Uncensored

————————————————————

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Hi, Lewis. I doubt that Joaquin Phoenix was faking it on
Letterman. A few weeks ago, I saw an interviewer asking him
some questions on a news show. At one point, Joaquin said,
“Do you see a frog on my head?” I wish that he would spread
around whatever he is on. -Rick
[Why? Do you have a particular fascination with frogs?]

Hi Lewis; I thing the love or even better yet, the anti-love
vaccine should be administrated to guys who have been married
and divorced twice. We have proven we are not very smart
and need all the help we can get. -Jeff in Ketchikan

Lewis, I am an OB nurse, we infuse oxytocin to promote labor.
When women are in labor the last thing they are thinking of
is love and men…as a matter of fact, I’ve heard many times
that their men will be lucky if they make contact ever again,
another study that needs more research. -Natalie, Maine
[Not true! At least not always true. Haven't you ever heard
of orgasmic child birth?]

Lewis, tell Dr. Larry Young to quit making love with prairie
voles. I, too, have discovered a substance that makes me look
for meaningful, strictly monogamous, over-night relationships.
But now the state is forcing me into rehab and my finances
look like I’ve gone through a divorce. -Gene
[Well, you're getting the same treatment. What are you com-
plaining about?]

Lewis, how do you figure Lee Redmon wiped her butt or fed her
self with those fingernails? Wonder who brushed her teeth and
combed her hair? The lady must have had a fortune to hire a
personal servant to tie her shoes for 30 years. -Clara
[Well, here is a perfect example...just yesterday I saw a clip
about an armless woman who earned her pilot's license. She did
everything with her feet!]

—————— END OF READER COMMENTS ——————

When you order your calzone from a Joe Pesci wanna-be and
it’s not what you ordered, maybe it’s better just to let
it go and just never go back to that restaurant. Or else
you might get a pistol-whipping. But unlike Pesci, the
‘Goomba’ in this story apparently doesn’t know how to whip
someone with a pistol!

Authorities in Florida said a pizzeria owner was arrested
after allegedly attacking two men who complained about a
mistaken calzone order.

A Flagler County sheriff’s report said Richard Phinney, 44,
called Goomba’s pizzeria in Palm Coast, Fla., to try to get
a replacement order for his daughter after the eatery failed
to heed his request that her calzone not include sauce and
feta cheese.

The father said a Goomba’s employee told him on the phone
that the eatery’s grills had been shut down for the night
so Phinney and his roommate, Richard Capie, 35, visited the
restaurant to try to get a refund.

Phinney said he and Capie were speaking to a manager outside
of the restaurant when owner Joseph Milano, 40, arrived and
invited the two men to come inside and discuss the situation.
However, he said that after speaking for a few minutes,
Milano pistol-whipped him with a gun he retrieved from behind
a counter.

Capie was able to grab the gun and he left with Phinney.

Investigators said surveillance camera footage from the
restaurant appears to confirm Phinney and Capie’s account.

Milano was charged with aggravated assault with a deadly
weapon and making crappy calzones.

Bizarrely,

Lewis

————————————————————

+————- More Bizarre February Holidays ————-+

February 11 is White Tee-Shirt Day and Don’t Cry Over
Spilled Milk Day

February 12 is National Plum Pudding Day

February 13 is Get A Different Name Day and Dream Your
Sweet Day

February 14 is Ferris Wheel Day and National Heart to
Heart Day

February 15 is National Gum Drop Day

February 16 is Do A Grouch A Favor Day

February 17 is Champion Crab Races Day

February 18 is National Battery Day

February 19 is National Chocolate Mint Day

February 20 is Hoodie Hoo Day

***

——— Pants picture led to burglar’s arrest ———–

WAKEFIELD, England – English police said they nabbed a
burglar after a teenage photography student snapped a
picture of the fleeing man’s distinctive pants. Shaun
Rimmer, 25, was sentenced to four years in jail after
he admitted to a string of car thefts and burglaries,
including the incident during the summer that led to
his arrest, The Daily Mail reported Monday. Police said
quick-thinking photography student Josh Kellett, 17, was
able to snap a photo of Rimmer’s distinctive out-of-style
track pants while the burglar was scaling a fence to
escape from his neighbor’s Wakefield yard. Police arrived
and arrested Rimmer during a search of the neighborhood
using Kellett’s picture to identify the culprit’s pants.
Rimmer’s accomplice, Anthony Booth, 31, is due to be
sentenced later this month. A Leeds Crown Court judge
awarded Kellett $214 for his contribution to the burglar’s
capture.

————————————————————
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————————————————————

——— Dropped phone sends man to crater’s edge ———

CRATER LAKE, Ore. – Rescue workers say a man who tried to
recover a dropped cell phone came within feet of plunging
off a cliff into Oregon’s icy Crater Lake. Kevin Harris,
26, of Arizona, was trying to recover a friend’s cell phone
that had fallen over the edge of the crater near the park’s
Rim Village, Greg Winfrey, a firefighter who helped rescue
Harris Saturday, told The (Portland) Oregonian. Harris
stepped onto ice covered with fresh snow and slid 200 feet
before he could stop himself. “If he hadn’t stopped where
he did — about 20 feet from the edge of the cliff — he
would have gone into the water and he might not be here
today,” Winfrey said to the newspaper. Harris, who is
stationed at the Oregon Air National Guard’s Kingsley Field
in Klamath Falls, was aided by park ski patrol members and
firefighters who rigged a rope system to haul Harris off
the rim, The Oregonian reported Monday. Harris was “scared,
cold and embarrassed” but suffered only minor injuries,
Winfrey said.

——– Some Bowl viewers see than illegal motion ———

TUCSON – Tucson residents saw more action than others in
the closing minutes of Super Bowl XLIII when an adult
movie clip interrupted the game. Officials at Comcast said
they don’t know why about 30 seconds that included full
male nudity from the adult cable television channel Club
Jenna was shown on the local Super Bowl broadcast, the
Arizona Daily Star reported Monday. The Star said its
received calls from viewers who said the porn interrupted
the game with less than 3 minutes to go, just after Arizona
Cardinals player Larry Fitzgerald scored on a touchdown
pass from Kurt Warner to put the team in the lead. On their
next possession, the Pittsburgh Steelers scored to win the
game, 27-23, for the Steeler’s unprecedented sixth bowl win.
Callers said that the clip showed a woman unzipping a man’s
pants, followed by a graphic act. “I just figured it was
another commercial until I looked up,” Cora King of Marana
told the newspaper. “Then he did his little dance with
everything hanging out.”

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————————————————————

——— Police: Uninvited sister attacked bride ———-

HEBRON, Ind. – Authorities in Indiana said they arrested
a woman who arrived uninvited at her sister’s wedding
reception and allegedly attacked the new bride. The Porter
County Sheriff’s Department said Annmarie Bricker, 23,
was charged with misdemeanor battery after she allegedly
arrived Friday at the home hosting the wedding reception
for her sister, Lori Kappes, and her husband, Nicholas
Landry, and pulled clumps of hair from the bride’s head,
The Northwest Indiana Times of Munster, Ind., reported
Monday. The victim told investigators that she was still
in her car when Bricker pulled up and began pounding on
her car window. Kappes said she attempted to walk inside
the house while ignoring her sister, who was not invited
to the reception, but Bricker allegedly attacked, pulling
her hair out and striking her in the head. Bricker, who
quit her job as a 911 dispatcher after the incident, told
police she had come to the reception because she “just
wanted to talk” about family problems with her sister and
parents. Bricker’s children, who were in her car at the
time of the incident, were turned over to their father
by police. Bricker could face up to a year in jail if
convicted.

————————————————————
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To watch a video clip from one of the cartoons, visit:
GIANT 600 Cartoons Collector’s DVD Tin w/ Bonus Poster & T-Shirt
————————————————————

Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural. Get The
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here…F-R-E-E..
Bizarre Uncensored

————————————————————

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Hi Lewis, your article about escaped prisoners was missing
an even better fact. The escape attempt was caught on CCTV
and broadcast on national TV. This means that the embarras-
ement of doing something this stupid was compounded 100x as
now your friends, family and fellow prisoners can all laugh
their heads off at your cock up. -Steve
[Those CCTV cameras are becoming so ubiquitous that people
hardly notice them any more, and that's not always a good
thing.]

Lewis: Remember, one can never make anything “Idiot-Proof”
because Idiots are so ingenious. -Bob.

always embelishing the bulge, are ya Lewis? -chris
[Wasn't that one of the more famous battles of World War II?]

seems like the Bizarre News is getting shorter, at least the
information is shorter, plenty of ads for crap, but less
actual ‘news’. -Janet
[Women always think a man's 'column' is shorter than it
actually is. Must be a perspective thing.]

Lewis, here’s one you might be interested in…many years
ago, while I was in nursing school, an extremely obese woman
came into the ER with abdominal pain. This lady was around
500 lbs. After quite a while the docs figured out she was in
labor! She thought she was going into menopause and it never
occurred to her she might be preggers. Unfortunately, the
fetus was dead. An X ray showed that her weight had crushed
it. It was delivered by C-section. They had to use 6 people
on retractors to get to the uterus.
[The mechanics of getting a 500 lb. woman pregnant in the
first place is mind-boggling.]