Greetings fellow Bizarros:

Happy Holidays, folks! I hope everyone is planning a fun and
safe New Years Eve. Remember, friends don’t let friends drive
drunk, click it or ticket, beer before liquor never sicker,
liquor before beer never fear, always split aces and eights,
an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, when the
going gets tough the tough get going, no glove no love, and
that’s never going to heal if you don’t stop picking at it.

But seriously, folks, this is our last issue of the year,
and what a year it has been. We’ve covered a lot of issues
and had some spirited debates, but it has all been done in
a spirit of community, and that is what Bizarre News is all
about. That and having a good laugh at the expense of others.

Since the office is actually closed this week and I’m writing
this ahead of time, I have included some classic material for
your enjoyment today.

Your next issue of Bizarre News will be on Saturday, January
3, so enjoy the holiday, stay safe, and I will talk to you all
next year!

Bizarrely,

Lewis

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+———– More Bizarre Holidays In January ————+

January 11 is National Step in a Puddle and Splash Your
Friend Day

January 12 is Feast of Fabulous Wild Men Day

January 13 is Make Your Dream Come True Day and Blame
Someone Else Day

January 14 is National Dress Up Your Pet Day

January 15 is Hat Day

January 16 is Hot and Spicy Food International Day and
National Nothing Day

January 17 is Blessing of the Animals at the Cathedral Day

January 18 is Winnie the Pooh Day

January 19 is National Popcorn Day

January 20 is National Buttercrunch Day

***

————— Couples seek sex in space —————–

SANTA FE, N.M. – Virgin Galactic, a New Mexico space
tourism company, said it has received several requests
from couples seeking to be the first to have sex in space.
Will Whitehorn, president of the company, said the approach
of Virgin’s first planned space tourism flight, which is
expected to take place in 2009, has led to many curious
couples asking the company about sex in sub-orbital zero
gravity, The Telegraph reported Thursday. “We’ve had a
variety of people inquire about it,” Whitehorn said of
space sex. “One got in touch about a charter flight so
they could be the first to have intercourse in space and
get in the Guinness Book of Records.” Dr. James Logan, an
expert in space medicine, said the zero gravity portion of
the first space tourism flights will last only five minutes,
leaving very little time for intercourse. He said couples
would likely find sex without gravity to be more trouble
than it’s worth. “Sex in zero gravity would more or less
be a flailing exercise quite frankly,” he said. “Sex in
Martian gravity might be pretty appealing though.”

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FUZZY SOCKS – Very Soft & Comfy…

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Get two for $4.98

Warm and cozy microfiber socks come in a variety of stripes
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PLEASE NOTE: Because of the low cost, colors are chosen
at random. Grab a bunch by visiting:
FUZZY SOCKS – Very Soft & Comfy…
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——— Man denied request to wear short skirt ———-

CLINTON, La. – A professional landscaper in Louisiana who
suffers from painful heat rash said he was denied a request
to wear a short skirt because it’s against the law. Jay
Herrod’s request was turned down after he explained his
situation to the Clinton Board of Aldermen at a town
meeting Wednesday, WAFB-TV, Baton Rouge, reported. “It’s
very painful. It’s easy for somebody to point their finger
at me and judge me, but honestly, if you went through what
I went through, you would do it too,” Herrod said. Herrod
reportedly can often be seen in the summer wearing a small
green skirt while mowing lawns around town. He says the
short skirt lessens his pain, which is worsened by sweat
build-up. Officials said Herrod’s short skirt goes against
a city law barring anyone from sagging their pants or
exposing themselves. The board told Herrod they would
reconsider his request when he could provide a doctor’s
note.

——– Survey says: Churchill walked on moon ———-

LONDON – A third of elementary school students confused
Sir Winston Churchill with moon-walking astronaut Neil
Armstrong, a British survey found. The survey, commissioned
by Walt Disney Studios Home Entertainment and the Royal
Astronomical Society, found that a third of children ages
4 to 10 mixed up the British leader with the first man to
set foot on the moon, London’s Daily Telegraph reported
Thursday. “It’s a bit of a worry to find that children
don’t know who the first man on the moon is, let alone
that they don’t know who led the country to victory in
the Second World War,” said Gavin Quirk, a Disney brand
manager. A similar survey of British teens in February
reportedly showed that 25 percent believe Churchill was a
fictional character.

————————————————————
DRAIN CLAW SWEEP
Unclogs any drain or pipe… Works EVERY TIME!

Retail Price: $19.99
DEAL PRICE: $9.99

Drain Claw unclogs pipes and drains quickly and easily.
Clear hair and debris from stopped or slow moving drains
without dangerous chemicals. Just slide in the slim, four
foot flexible tube, squeeze on the trigger and remove the
obstruction. Safe on pipes, works faster than dissolving
products. Patented Flex-Clean system. Drain Claw is
different, because it works just line a heat seeking
missile to find the clog. Just pull the trigger and the
endoscopic technology of Drain Claw expands in the pipes
as it grabs the clog. Then just pull out the clog like
magic. Drain Claw gets the water flowing on all types of
plumbing each and every time when you use.

Drain Sweep even clears hair and debris from stopped or
slow moving drains without dangerous chemicals. DrainClaw
is safe on your plumbing and it works faster and easier
than most dissolving drain products, made of poisonous
chemicals that may be harmful to you or to your plumbing!

Get this for 1/2 of the TV price. To see a video of the
Drain Sweep in action or to order, visit:
DRAIN CLAW SWEEP
————————————————————

——— Coffin painted like Pabst beer can ———–

SOUTH CHICAGO HEIGHTS, Ill. – A South Chicago Heights,
Ill., man who says he wants his death to reflect his
life has purchased a casket designed to look like a huge
can of his favorite beer. Bill Bramanti, 67, said the
casket, for which he paid $2,000 to have decorated like
a giant can of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer, was designed to
function as a beverage cooler until its owner is ready
to be put into the grave, the Southtown Star of Tinley
Park, Ill., reported Monday. “I’m going to use it as a
cooler until I really need it,” Bramanti said. “You see,
I’m going to get my money’s worth. Hopefully I get to
use it many times.” Bramanti said he revealed the unusual
coffin to his family during a mock-wake at his house. He
said the event featured family members drinking cans of
Pabst from the ice-filled casket. “I wouldn’t expect
anything less for my dad,” said Bramanti’s daughter,
Cathy, 42. “He’s a man that loves to entertain. He likes
it when people are happy. This is what he does.”

————————————————————
MAGIC VOLCANO w/ GROWING DINOSAUR…

Retail Price: $4.99
DEAL PRICE: $1.99

Magic Volcano Pets are the coolest new way to get yourself
a new friend.

First add water, then watch your volcano erupt! Once your
eruption is over a new dinosaur comes out and in 72 hours
he’s fully grown.

These novel pets are obviously not living creatures, but
are highly amusing and a little creepy. Your Growing pet
is always a surprise. Amaze your children with this
educational, but most of all FUN experiment.

Don’t worry… these are NON-TOXIC, and safe for children
ages 3 & up. Grab a bunch… they make excellent stocking
stuffers. MAGIC VOLCANO w/ GROWING DINOSAUR…
————————————————————

Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural. Get The
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here…F-R-E-E..
Bizarre Uncensored

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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

What the $#!*!!!! Where are the reader comments? Don’t
worry, folks. I’ll will get to them just as soon as I get
back from the holiday break. So, keep sending me your
wonderful and insightful observations.