Greetings fellow Bizarros:

Welcome to a new year and a new decade, folks! I don’t know
about you, but I feel excited to be in 2010. I know some
exciting things are going to happen this year, and I feel
they are going to be good things, too.

There is an old saw which says that those who refuse to learn
the lessons of history are doomed to repeat it. Before we get
into 2010 let’s learn a few lessons from 2009 with some of the
more memorable quotes from the people who have influenced the
world and its culture…

“Stop wearing a suit and tie to bed.” – Former US Republican
presidential hopeful Mitt Romney, when asked about his New
Year’s resolutions.

“I know lots of people that take cocaine three nights a week
and get up and go to work every day, no problem. But we never
hear that side of the story.” — Singer Lily Allen

“People have lost their sense of humor. In former times, we
constantly made jokes about different races.” — Clint
Eastwood doesn’t want to be politically correct.

“I promise you, I get it. I will not spend a single penny for
the purpose of rewarding a single Wall Street executive.”
— US President Barack Obama

“When you face such an overwhelming challenge as global
climate change, it can be daunting – it’s kind of like trying
to lose weight.” — US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton

“I’m a guy who doesn’t see anything good having come from the
Internet.” — Michael Lynton, CEO of Sony Pictures Entertain-
ment

“I pushed him off because jumpers like Chen are very selfish.
Their actions violate a lot of public interests. They do not
really dare kill themselves.” — Lai Jiansheng, who pushed a
man threatening suicide off a bridge in China after he had
held up traffic for five hours

“What’s up London?” — Britney Spears addressing audience at
her show in Manchester

“Some employees may prefer weapons such as chain saws, base-
ball bats and explosives that have been shown to be effective
against zombies.” — University of Florida in a disaster pre-
paredness plan on its e-Learning website on how to deal with
a campus-wide zombie attack

Bizarrely,

Lewis

P.S. Now You Can Follow BIZARRE NEWS on TWITTER:

http://twitter.com/MyBizarreNews

Follow Your Favorite GopherCentral Publications on Twitter:

http://www.gophertweets.com/

————————————————————

+————- More Bizarre January Holidays ————–+

January 11 is National Step in a Puddle and Splash Your
Friend Day

January 12 is Feast of Fabulous Wild Men Day

January 13 is Make Your Dream Come True Day and Blame
Someone Else Day

January 14 is National Dress Up Your Pet Day

January 15 is Hat Day

January 16 is Hot and Spicy Food International Day and
National Nothing Day

January 17 is Blessing of the Animals at the Cathedral Day

January 18 is Winnie the Pooh Day

January 19 is National Popcorn Day

January 20 is National Buttercrunch Day

————————————————————

——— Boy tried to give away family’s money ———–

MUNCIE, Ind. – An Indiana fifth-grader is in hot water
with his grandparents for taking $10,331 from a safe and
attempting to distribute it to classmates, authorities
said. Delaware County sheriff’s deputies said the Selma
Elementary School student took the money from a safe at
the home where he lives with his custodial grandparents
and handed out a little more than $300 to classmates on
the bus ride to school before teachers confiscated the
cash, the Muncie (Ind.) Star-Press reported Wednesday.
“I doubt any of our administrators have experienced this
before,” Principal Joel Mahaffey said. He declined to
comment further on the incident. Deputies said the boy
was sent home with his grandmother. They said the money,
which was in the sheriff’s department’s custody, would
likely be returned to the family Monday.

————————————————————

———- Groom surprised with airport wedding ————

CORPUS CHRISTI, Texas – A Texas woman said she celebrated
the airport reunions and goodbyes of her long distance
relationship by surprising her boyfriend with an airport
wedding. Robyn Moore said she greeted her boyfriend,
William Acosta, Monday at Corpus Christi International
Airport with a camera and a wedding party ready to make
good on the marriage license they filled out last week,
the Corpus Christi Caller-Times reported. “When I walked
up and saw her, it just took my breath away,” Acosta said.
“She looks really beautiful.” Moore said she and Acosta met
while she was living in Dallas and he visited the city for
business. She said she is now planning to move to Toledo,
Ohio, to live with her new husband, who teaches computer
science at a university in the city. “I’ve got the best
Christmas present in the whole world,” Moore said, “this
is what every bride-to-be wants.”

————————————————————
Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural. Get The
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here…F-R-E-E!

http://pd.gophercentral.com/u/14380/c/120/a/499

————————————————————

>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Reader comments will resume next year… probably on
January the 6th… or so.

—————— END OF READER COMMENTS ——————

Well, that is a wrap for Bizarre News. How did we do?
Send comments and questions to: mailto:lewis@gophercentral.com

————————————————————
END OF BIZARRE NEWS
Copyright 2010 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved.

Has anybody ever heard of the Tunguska Event? This is one of
the oldest mysteries in the modern world, and it just past
its one hundredth birthday.

It occurred in June 1908 over an isolated area in Siberia
known as Tunguska. The aftermath of this event was so cata-
strophic that an entire forest encompassing hundreds of
square miles, tens of thousands of trees and entire herds
of animals was instantly destroyed. Tremors were felt for
hundreds of miles and an anomalous glow in the sky was
observed as late as 10 days afterwards from as far away as
England on the other side of the continent!

But what was the event? An explosion? Certainly. Caused by
what nobody is exactly certain. But one man has a new and
controversial theory.

Dr. Yuri Labvin, president of the Tunguska Spatial Phenomenon
Foundation, insists that an alien spacecraft sacrificed
itself to prevent a gigantic meteor from slamming into the
planet above Siberia.

Most scientists think the blast was caused by a meteorite
exploding several miles above the surface. But Labvin thinks
quartz slabs with strange markings found at the site are
remnants of an alien control panel, which fell to the ground
after the UFO slammed into the giant rock.

“We don’t have any technologies that can print such kind of
drawings on crystals,” Labvin told the Macedonian Inter-
national News Agency. “We also found ferrum silicate that
can not be produced anywhere, except in space.”

On the surface it sounds bizarre, but no more off-the-wall
than some of the other theories which have been put forward
including that it was not a comet at all but an object of
an antimatter nature or even a miniature black hole which
suddenly appeared in space immediately above the earth.

That sounds plausible.

If you’re interested there are plenty of photographs of
the destruction to be found on the Internet. Just search
Tunguska Event. And with that brewing in your brains let’s
get on with some more current bizarre stories.

Bizarrely,

Lewis

————————————————————

+————- Bizarre Addams Family Trivia —————+

After John Astin’s first sitcom, “I’m Dickens, He’s
Fenster,” was cancelled, he auditioned for “The Addams
Family,” and was turned down…for the part of Lurch. He
didn’t even try out for Gomez. But the producer spied John
leaving the room, grabbed him, and offered him the lead
role on the spot. The only condition: Astin had to grow
a mustache.

It took Carolyn Jones two hours every day to put on
Morticia’s makeup. The final touch: she wore a wig made
of human hair.

Jones was only the producer’s 3rd choice to play Morticia.
ABC insisted that they needed a “name” actress, and Jones
was the only well-known performer in the running, so she
got the part.

Cousin Itt’s voice was supplied by “Addams” producer Nat
Perrin, who recited gibberish into a tape recorder and
played it back at a higher speed.

Creator Charles Addams, who’d never given his characters
first names, had to come up with some for the TV show.
Within a week he’d decided on all of them – except for
Mr. Addams, who almost wound up being called “Repelli”
(for repellant) instead of Gomez.

Lurch got fan mail from teenage girls who thought he was
cuter than the Beatles.

The unique interior of the Addams house was inspired by
the real-life Manhattan apartment of Charles Addams, which
contained suits of armor, an antique cross-bow collection,
and other odds-and-ends.

***

————- Pool prodigy, 2, wows crowds —————

JOHNSTOWN, N.Y. – A New York state 2-year-old is impress-
ing crowds and gathering TV invitations for his skills at
shooting billiards on an adult-sized pool table. Keith and
Courtney O’Dell of Johnstown said their young son, Keith
Jr., received a child sized pool table for Christmas but
quickly graduated to his dad’s regulation-size table, the
New York Daily News reported Tuesday. The O’Dells said
Keith Jr., who performed in April at the American Pool
Association’s championship competition in Las Vegas and is
scheduled to appear on the syndicated “Rachael Ray Show”
in July, learned the game by watching his father shoot
about 200 racks every night. The couple said playing pool
has been good for more than their son’s self-esteem. It’s
also helping him learn numbers and colors.

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—————– School doors glued shut —————–

DELTONA, Fla. – A Florida school began classes 90 minutes
late Tuesday because officials were struggling to open
doors that had been glued shut by teenagers. Nancy Wait of
Volusia County Public Schools said a surveillance video
recorded three teenagers gluing the doors of Pine Ridge
High School in Deltona shut overnight and officials are
working to identify the culprits, WKMG-TV, Orlando, Fla.,
reported Tuesday. Wait said the incident is not believed
to have been a senior prank.

———- City official wants to drop ‘13′ ban ———–

PALMERSTON NORTH, New Zealand – A local official in New
Zealand says it’s time for Palmerston North to join other
cities by allowing the number 13 for street addresses. “It
seems absurd to me in 2009 that we still should be deciding
street numbering policy or anything else on superstition,”
Palmerston North City Councilor Chris Teo-Sherrell told the
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addresses. City policy analyst Todd Taiepa says Palmerston
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been in place for many years because its unlucky connot-
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residents can always apply to the council to have their
number changed. “We will definitely consider allocating
No 13 if anyone wants it, but we don’t expect great numbers
to do that,” Taiepa told the Post.

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——— Police: Seniors moved school furniture ———–

SAN DIEGO – Police in San Diego said 13 students moved
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high school as part of a senior prank. Investigators said
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————————————————————

Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural. Get The
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here…F-R-E-E..
Bizarre Uncensored

————————————————————

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Wedding, funeral, either way you’re burying a stiff. john
[These days the stiffy is usually buried way before the
wedding.]

Cemetery weddings are definitely not new. Ronald Reagan and
Jane Wyman got married at LA’s Forest Lawn Cemetery in 1940.
-DK

Lewis I have always wondered if these bizarre holidays are
made up and if so who does them? I never have appreciated
them and consider them phony. Just curious. -Catz
[The Fed designates a lot of weird 'days' in order to pro-
mote one industry or another. That's where you get things
like National Chocolate Pudding Day. But the other more
bizarre ones like Cuckoo Warning Day I'm not really sure.
If somebody wants to do the research and let me know I'd
love to hear it!]

Personally, I think all citizens should be required to carry
handguns, provided they receive training, pass a firearm
proficiency test, AND most importantly, pass an I.Q. test.
Imagine the fool who walks into a bank intending to rob it,
and several guns are drawn on him! -DCRooster
[I know too many assholes to require EVERYone to carry a
handgun.]

You know you are in the deep south when groom John Lucas is
53 and father Walter is ….52. -paul
[Nope...I think that was the father and an uncle.]

Lewis, In response to your question regarding wedding venues,
many places require police officers if alcohol will be served.
In GA and SC most of the venues here require a minimum of two
officers or more depending on the size of your reception.
-Christie
[In Georgia and South Carolina I would believe it.]

—————— END OF READER COMMENTS ——————

It looks like Utah is finally coming into the 21st century,
and it only took a global recession to do it! After more
than 40 years, some of the strictest – and most bizarre –
liquor laws in the nation are being hustled out the barroom
door, yet another sign that even a state dominated by tee-
totaling Mormons is willing to reconsider decades-old mores
if it helps the economy.

No longer will bartenders be separated from customers by a
glass partition known as a “Zion Curtain.” And patrons won’t
have to join a social club or pay a membership fee before
entering bars.

“Having to pay $5 or $10 to join a club to drink any kind
of alcoholic beverage is absurd,” said Mark Caraway, a San
Diego businessman who travels to Salt Lake City at least
once a month.

Tourists frequently leave bars and restaurants here after
becoming flummoxed at what it takes to get a drink. And the
state’s tourism industry has frequently complained that the
liquor laws send lucrative conventions and skiers fleeing
to neighboring Colorado.

While not technically requiring a license, Utah does require
anyone entering a bar to be a member of the club or a
member’s guest. At most bars, anyone can become a member by
paying a state-ordered fee for a three-week pass that costs
at least $4. An annual membership costs at least $12. And a
separate membership is required at each bar.

If anything, some locals say eliminating the membership
requirement will spare them from sitting out in the cold
waiting for friends to sponsor them, and it should free up
more money.

Bizarrely,

Lewis

————————————————————

+——————- Bizarre Sex Laws ——————–+

In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with
animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual
relations with a male animal is punishable by death.

In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman’s
genitals, but is forbidden from looking directly at them
during the examination. He may only see their reflection
in a mirror.

The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.

There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel
the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them
for the privilege of having sex for the first time.
Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for
virgins to marry.

In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill
her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare
hands. (The husband’s lover, on the other hand, may be
killed in any manner desired.)

In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her
husband, and the first time this happens her mother must
be in the room to witness the act.

In Santa Cruz, Bolivia it is illegal for a man to have
sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time.

[From davesdaily.com]

***

———- Police: Robbers robbed while fleeing ———–

MILWAUKEE, Wash. – Milwaukee police said a pair of unlucky
alleged robbers were targeted by another group of thieves
as they fled from a jewelry store. Lt. Thomas Welch said
two men, ages 31 and 40, took money and jewelry from the
store on the south side of the city at about 10:50 a.m.
Wednesday while armed with at least one handgun, and were
confronted by a group of four men as they attempted to
flee, the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel reported. Welch said
the four men robbed the two original robbers, sparking a
fight that turned into a car chase. He said the two men
who allegedly robbed the jewelry store and two men from
the second group, ages 22 and 27, were arrested. The money
and jewelry were not recovered and police were searching
for additional suspects. He said investigators were look-
ing into whether the two groups of men knew each other
prior to the incident.

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————————————————————

——– Last laugh: Woman cut daughters from will ———

OLDHAM, England – A British woman whose daughters tried to
have her evicted in the 1990s cut her offspring out of her
will, leaving her entire $30,000 to a local hospice. Megan
Swanston, who died in December at age 85, became embroiled
in a family conflict when her three daughters attempted to
have her evicted from her Oldham, England, home in 1994,
The Daily Mail reported. The house had been bequeathed to
Swanston’s daughters by their paternal grandfather when he
died in 1973 but Swanston claimed her children had promised
to let her live out her days in the home. After a two-year
legal battle, the matter was settled out of court with the
house sold to a property company, with the stipulation that
Swanston be allowed to remain the sitting tenant the news-
paper said. However, Swanston and her daughters never
mended their relationship and it was revealed after her
Dec. 4 death that she had cut her daughters out of her
will, The Daily Mail said. The document stated that she
didn’t want any of her money going to the trio because of
the way they had treated her. Swanston’s money instead went
to Dr. Kershaw’s Hospice in Oldham.

————— Strip club plans job fair —————-

PROVIDENCE, R.I. – The office manager of a Rhode Island
strip club says bosses are hoping the state’s unemployment
rate will help them draw in new employees. Lori Savickas,
office manager of the Foxy Lady strip club in Providence,
said the business is holding a job fair Saturday with an
aim to hire 25 people for positions as dancers, managers,
DJs, bouncers and bartenders, the Providence Journal
reported Friday. Savickas said the state’s high unemploy-
ment rate — more than 10 percent — could lead more people
to consider jobs in adult entertainment. “With the way
unemployment is right now, there are a lot of people look-
ing for a job who normally wouldn’t come to the Foxy Lady,”
Savickas said. “They’re just hungry to start working some-
where. They might find out that it is totally different
than they expected.” She said bosses are hoping the
infusion of new blood into the club will help draw in
customers who are being more conservative with their
spending in light of the economic recession. “Everyone
is choosy right now about where they spend their money
because they don’t have the money to spend,” Savickas
said.

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————————————————————

———- Speeder fined despite sneezing defense ———-

DEREHAM, England – A former police officer must pay a
fine for speeding on his motorcycle despite claiming his
actions were caused by a sneeze, a British magistrate says.
Magistrate Margaret Oechsle fined Donald Johnstone, 62,
$223 for going 10 miles above the speed limit in a 30 mph
zone in the county of Norfolk last May, The Mirror said.
“You accept your speed increased and with any speed over
31 mph our sentencing guidelines come into play,” said
Oechsle, who also hit Johnstone with $167 in court costs.
Johnstone had tried to explain away his speeding
indiscretion by blaming it on a fit of sneezing he endured
while motorcycling. “My sneezes tend to be extremely
violent,” he told the court. “And I accept that my speed
must have increased because of the movement of my hands.”
The Mirror said just in case his sneezing defense fell
short, Johnstone also claimed the camera that caught him
speeding wasn’t set at the right angle.

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————————————————————

Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural. Get The
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here…F-R-E-E..
Bizarre Uncensored

————————————————————

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Lewis, You nailed it on the head! I don’t mind helping out
the people who deserve the help. The ones I’m complaining
about are the ones that are being foreclosed on with two
brand new cars in the driveway, 52″ HDTV, all the latest
gadgets (you get the idea) and bought a home that a
reasonable budget wouldn’t cover because the Jones’ home
was 3 square feet smaller.

That has got to be the most disgusting thing I have ever
seen! I’m tempted to go take a scalding hot shower! -Patty
[I know what you mean, Patty, but it wouldn't help much.]

I can just see bringing your wife along and she can pig out
at the buffet while you get laid, yeah right. Good way to
get killed. -squaredancer
[Depends on how liberal your wife is. We are talking about
Germany, here.]

In 1999, the housing industry (Fannie Mae) was forced to
lower their loan requirements, thus allowing more sub-prime
borrowers to acquire a home. This was clearly not a smart
move, like a time bomb, this bad piece of economic drivel
would grow and mushroom during following administrations.
Some simple research reveals who the author of this fiasco
is, and several articles were written at the time that
state clearly this could harm the economy down the road.
But it sure made a lot of people happy at the time! These
same home buyers are now crying the blues, and the rest of
us will suffer for the sub-prime lending habits. -Kris

Originally I thought that video was a spoof on the cult
classic ‘Reefer Madness’ . It was the term ‘420′ that made
me think this, but we did some research and found that the
term ‘420′ actually originated in 1971. It was a term used
by a group of kids that would meet at a statue after
detention in high school. Either way, if they would just
legalize it they could start to pull this country out of
the recession. Think about it. -Dave
[I have a similar feeling. I did a column last year on the
whole hemp controversy. It seems foolish, hypocritical and
wasteful to me.]

—————— END OF READER COMMENTS ——————

TZ was just telling me recently how brothels in Nevada are
bucking the trends by turning huge profits in the middle
of the worst economic downturn in the last forty years.
Apparently when a lot of people are out of work and can’t
afford to pay their mortgage or car payment, they can still
afford to dip their wick. I guess it has to do with
relieving stress.

However, the trend is apparently not the same in Germany.
I just read an article which said that a brothel in Berlin
has turned to offering a flat rate for prostitutes in order
to lure recession-wary customers.

The brothel said $90 can now purchase time with any of the
establishment’s women. In addition to any women you want
(as long as she is available) the brothel will also provide
all the food and drinks a customer can consume, during off-
peak hours that is.

Now this is a deal that is hard to refuse. You can’t even
go on a date with a woman who isn’t a professional for less
than 90 bucks. And then there isn’t even a guarantee you’ll
get laid.

But that’s not all. In addition to any woman you want, and
an all-you-can-eat buffet men can now bring their wives at
no additional cost! They guarantee it’s the cheapest three-
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Bizarrely,

Lewis

————————————————————

+——————– Bizarre Language ——————–+
TRIVIA

The word “bozo” derives from the French slang term
“bouseaux” (meaning “hick, peasant, or yokel”). However,
bouseaux literally means “cow turds.”

Gay men who successfully joined the British Navy used to
be called “reverse malingerers.”

A Boy Scout who forcibly helps an old lady across the
street is called an officious interloper. Ask any lawyer.

The Greeks had a word that meant “with armpits smelling
like a he-goat.”

The term for when dogs scratch their butts by dragging
them across the floor is called “sleigh riding.”

The expression “paddy wagon” is derived from a derogatory
reference to picking up drunk Irish people.

Young women in Atlanta used to refer to their private
parts as “janers.”

***

———– Bra maker has an eye for breasts ————

CHENGDU, China – A 90-year-old tailor coming out of retire-
ment in China says he can make a hand-made bra that fits
perfectly just by looking at a woman’s breasts. Ran
Yusheng, 90, who retired from bra making last year, said
in the run-up to the opening of his new online store that
he learned the art of bra making when he was 20 years old
and soon discovered that he had a knack for it, China
Daily reported Friday. “I just looked at her breasts and
then I could make a bra suitable for her,” Ran said. He
told China Daily his skills at bra making helped him to
win the affections of customer Wang Huiying, who later
became his wife and seamstress. Ran retired after Wang’s
death last year.

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——— Driver spends wedding night in slammer ———-

HOUSTON – A Houston man was arrested for drunken driving
and spent the night in jail after he was pulled over follow-
ing his own wedding reception, records show. Harris County
criminal records state that Billy Puckett, 26, had just
left his wedding reception with his new bride when he was
pulled over during a drunken driving crackdown by local
law enforcement and the Harris County District Attorney’s
Office, the Houston Chronicle reported. Puckett was charged
Sunday with driving while intoxicated and was released
after posting $500 bail. Friends of the couple said the
new bride was also detained by police but it was unclear
whether she was charged with any crime, the Chronicle said.
Attorney Joe Gutheinz, who has been friends with Puckett
for 10 years, told the Chronicle that while he believes
drunken driving laws should be enforced, he thinks the
police showed a lack of discretion by arresting Puckett.
“If it were a police officer and his new bride or a judge
and his new bride, they would have put them in a taxi and
sent them home,” said Gutheinz, who teaches criminal
justice courses and police science classes for Alvin
Community College and the University of Phoenix Graduate
Court system.

———— Man smuggled wife in speaker box ————-

BROWNSVILLE, Texas – Authorities say a Fort Worth, Texas,
man was charged after customs officials allegedly found
his Mexican wife hiding in a speaker box in their car’s
back seat. Customs officers “routinely find narcotics
hidden in a vehicle but in this case, it was the driver’s
wife,” Michael Freeman, a spokesman for U.S. Customs and
Border Protection, said to the San Antonio Express-News.
Christopher Sean Protho, 36, was charged with alien
smuggling after his arrest Sunday at the Brownsville and
Matamoros International Bridge, the Express-News reported
Tuesday. Protho’s wife, 33, from Matamoros, didn’t have
immigration papers to enter the United States and is in
federal custody pending deportation proceedings, Freeman
told the newspaper.

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———– Economy anxiety a boom for psychics ————

PHILADELPHIA – U.S. psychics say that while business is
booming, their once love-lorn client base has forsaken
romance questions for inquiries about economic woes.
Philadelphia psychic Valerie Morrison said the majority
of her customers used to bring questions about romantic
prospects but she has recently been receiving more
questions about layoffs, the real estate market and other
topics related to the struggling economy, USA Today
reported Monday. “They ask me if this (recession) is going
to turn around or become even worse,” Morrison said. “I
say, ‘Chicken pox gets worse before it gets better. Do not
panic.’” Maryanne Fiedler, marketing director for Psychic
Source, a sooth-by-phone service that includes 165
psychics, told USA Today the foundering economy has led
to a spike in business. “Men and women are calling psychics
who never thought they would call a psychic,” she said.
Fielder said that while many cash-strapped callers are
seeking investment advice, the best her psychics can give
is “reassurance.” “We’re trying to ease their anxieties,”
she said to USA Today.

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Bizarre Uncensored

————————————————————

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

The anti-marijuana video cannot possibly be from the 70’s,
as we did not use the terms “chronic”, “blunt”, or “420″
back then. So unless the announcer was clairvoyant, this
was made quite recently! -Patie M.
[Who is 'we'? What are you admitting to, Patie?]

Lewis, This fourteen year old girl should be expelled from
school for striking a teacher. A NERF dart AAAARGH!! The
Pain, The Agony! Good Grief. -Bob

if I have three boobs (my two plus my husband) can I also
say I have 2 ass holes? …marie
[You can. I don't know how far it will get you.]

I don’t know where to start, your lead story is just, errr,
pregnant with opportunity. Like, the brother must be quite
the donor to fill a baster. If she had grabbed the syringe
and tried to wrestle it away, like in the cop shows, could
they both be charged with rape? Maybe she should have just
waited until their next munching session and ’snowballed’
her, so to speak. I’m sure your letter writers will have a
field day with this one. -P
[You're putting WAY too much thought into this.]

Well, Lewis. If these people who voted in the Bush admin-
istration and then re-elected them are losing their homes,
what are they complaining about? They got what they voted
for. Senator Gramm, R-TX (with Bush’s blessing) pushed
through legislation to remove regulatory control of the
banking industry. It’s called the Free Enterprise System
at work. -Dylan
[There are a lot of factors which led to the subprime crisis
and I doubt anybody can explain it completely. Certainly the
Community Reinvestment Act created an atmosphere conducive
to making more subprime loans (whether or not it precipitated
the crisis or not), and of course, Wall Street took advantage
of it by bundling, selling and reselling high-risk loans in a
complicated Ponzi-type of scheme. I think it is naive to set
the blame at any one person's or policy's feet.]

—————— END OF READER COMMENTS ——————

Rarely do lovers quarrels involve a turkey baster, but when
they do you know you’re in for a bizarre story. Especially
when the lovers are a pair of lesbians.

33-year-old Jennifer Lighten of Massachusetts told police
that Stephanie Lighten, her wife, was “all liquored up” when
she returned to their apartment, where the defendant then
allegedly tried to use a syringe to inseminate her, according
to a police report.

Jennifer said she told Stephanie that she didn’t want to get
pregnant, but Stephanie was apparently insistent and had the
turkey baster to back it up. In addition to the turkey baster
Stephanie also had a sealed container with what she said was
her brother’s semen. Because apparently it’s just more con-
venient when your son or daughter is also your nephew or niece.

That’s allegedly when Stephanie threw Jennifer on the couch,
grabbed at her clothes and threatened to impregnate her,
police said.

Jennifer bolted from the apartment and attempted to get away
in the couple’s sport utility vehicle. As Jennifer pulled
away Stephanie jumped on the side of their vehicle, swung the
door open and made her stop.

Police arrested Stephanie Lighten shortly thereafter and con-
fiscated the syringe and the semen.

On a positive note Jennifer declined to go forward with charges
of assault with intent to rape. So there is some hope for these
two love birds to work things out.

Bizarrely,

Lewis

————————————————————

+————— Bizarre Acts of Stupidity —————-+

In 1992, Frank Perkins of Los Angeles made an attempt on
the world flagpole-sitting record. Suffering from the flu
he came down eight hours short of the 400 day record, his
sponsor had gone bust, his girlfriend had left him and his
phone and electricity had been cut off.

Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty
of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn. Suddenly the
pigs, all two thousand of them, escaped through a broken
fence and stampeded, trampling the two hapless protesters
to death.

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shak-
ing frantically with what looked like a wire running from
his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt
him away from the deadly current she whacked him with a
handy plank of wood by the back door, breaking his arm in
two places. Till that moment he had been happily listening
to his Walkman.

The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon
Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special cere-
mony, two of the most expensively saved animals were
released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from
onlookers. A minute later they were both eaten by a killer
whale.

Swedish business consultant Ulf af Trolle labored 13 years
on a book about Swedish economic solutions. He took the 250-
page manuscript to be copied, only to have it reduced to
50,000 strips of paper in seconds when a worker confused
the copier with the shredder.

Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnajet, didn’t pay enough postage
on a letter bomb. It came back with “return to sender”
stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it
and was blown to bits.

***

———- Bad haircut allegedly leads to bite ———–

JONKOPING, Sweden – A dissatisfied customer at a Swedish
hair salon faces criminal charges for allegedly biting the
proprietor. The owner told police that the woman knocked
down a shelf in an angry rampage, Aftonbladet reported. She
faces charges of criminal damage and assault. The woman,
42, had her hair cut Wednesday at the salon in Jonkoping.
Police reports said that she told employees she did not
like the cut before leaving the store and then returned a
short time later, demanding a refund. When her request was
refused, she allegedly became violent. The owner of the
salon was taken to a hospital to be treated for his
injuries. Police said that the woman was sober and not
under the influence of drugs.

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————————————————————

———– Teacher resigns after Nerf incident ————

BEAUFORT, S.C. – A South Carolina high school teacher who
was put on paid leave after shooting a student with a foam
Nerf dart has resigned his position with the district.
Jacqueline Rosswurm, human resources services officer for
the Beaufort County School District, said science teacher
Jeffery Baker, 29, resigned Friday from his job at Battery
Creek High School without giving a specific reason, the
Beaufort (S.C.) Gazette reported Thursday. A Beaufort
County Sheriff’s Office report said Baker fired a foam dart
“in a joking manner” Feb. 23 that struck a 14-year-old
student in her left shoulder. The report said the student
stood up and slapped Baker with the back of her hand. The
girl’s mother said after the incident that she wanted to
seek assault charges against Baker, but no charges had been
filed as of Wednesday evening. Baker declined to comment
on his resignation. “I’m not responding to this at all,”
he said.

———– 50-pound tortoise stolen from yard ————

KAILUA, Hawaii – A Hawaii family is appealing for public
help in finding a 50-pound tortoise that was stolen from
the yard under cover of night. Lori Dias and her family
said the 10-year-old female Sulcata tortoise disappeared
out of their Kailua yard at about 11:30 p.m. Monday, KITV,
Honolulu, reported. “I heard a noise and by the time I
looked out the window. I saw someone. To me, it looked
like a young man running by the mailbox there. Before I
realized what was happening he was gone,” Dias said. She
said the thief likely recognized the animal as a female
tortoise, which are particularly valuable. Dias said the
family just wants their pet back. “If they don’t know what
Portuguese Cubronte is, it’s bad mojo, and I want them to
bring that tortoise back and put it in the yard the way
they stole it in the middle of the night otherwise they’re
going to get a lot of bad mojo on them,” Dias said.

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———— Girl sues to wear tuxedo at prom ————-

LEBANON, Ind. – A 17-year-old Indiana girl is seeking a
federal court injunction to force her school to allow her
to wear a tuxedo to her senior prom. The Lebanon High
School senior’s attorney from the American Civil Liberties
Union of Indiana said in court filings that the girl, a
lesbian, does not wear dresses because she feels they
indicate a sexual identity that is not her own, the
Indianapolis Star reported. The girl, who was not
identified by name in the lawsuit, is asking a federal
court to force the school to allow her to wear the same
attire as male students, said ACLU of Indiana Legal
Director Ken Falk. “From a First Amendment standpoint,
wearing a tuxedo makes an affirmative statement about her
own sexuality,” Falk said in a filing. “Students have free-
speech rights.” Falk said the district’s policy of only
letting boys wear tuxedos to a prom is also a violation
of the federal Title IX law, which band schools from
discriminating along gender lines. Kent Frandsen, an
attorney for the Lebanon School District, said officials
were investigating whether they have a legal obligation
to allow the girl to wear a tuxedo to the April 25 prom.

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————————————————————

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

I hate to critique, but did anyone notice in the video that
they used the Mexican spelling for marijuana, with the “h”
marihuana. I think it’s a Mexican conspiracy to increase
profit sells. How much abuse can the American citizen take?!
Next week, we should organize a protest. -GENE
[A Mexican drug conspiracy? You're giving them a lot of
credit. Of course, this video is decades old.]

Has anyone mentioned that the clip just happened to be 4:20
in length? -Orange Buzzard
[Holy Toledo! You're right! I didn't notice that. Maybe Gene
who wrote the comment above is on to something.]

lewis, the 3rd boob the wife is refering to is her
husband. I dont think this marriage is too happy.
[Maybe he's one of those weirdoes who likes being abused by
his wife. Don't be too quick to judge someone else's life-
style!]

I have 3 boobs – the girls and my husband. In fact we always
tease about it. When laying in bed and I need to adjust my
chest I always ask him if he’s more comfortable as I just
adjusted my boob! -Teresa
[You must be incredible in bed for him to put up with that.]

Marlene’s Right! I mean c’mon a little Tea Bagging never hurt
anyone! -Joy
[You are my kind of woman.]

the statement below [the new American Tea Party] is crazy.
There are so many people like my family that have just had
bad things happen to them. My husband didn’t ask to be laid
off. The bank has now taken the house and we are forced to
move. As a country we should support each other in times
of need. My husband has always provided for our family until
the economy was flipped upside down and we have lost every-
thing! -HappyGoLuckky
[You are right, people should get some kind of support in
times of need, but this bailout is designed to rescue
companies and people who have taken advantage of the system
and have created their own crisis. I saw a perfect example
on the news about a woman who bought her home for 70k and
over several years refinanced it three times until she owed
over 150k on it. My question is...is it now my responsibility
that she can't afford to pay her mortgage?]

—————— END OF READER COMMENTS ——————

I remember parking when I was a teenager. There was a
Lutheran church in my neighborhood that had a very poorly
lit parking lot. More than a few of my dates enjoyed a
detoured via that parking lot before the drive home.

But things have apparently changed to suit a more fast-
paced age. I just read a story online describing the arrest
of a couple, 19 and 20-years-old, who were pulled over for
driving under the influence of alcohol, and also happened
to be naked.

The arresting trooper said a 19-year-old man, who was
driving the car, was cited for being under the influence
of alcohol and embracing while driving. Embracing?

The 20-year-old female passenger was cited for possession
of alcohol after the trooper spotted her trying to place
a wine bottle on the floor of the vehicle.

“There were some acts of physical intimacy going on in the
vehicle that were best saved for not driving down the
freeway,” the trooper said. “We harp on the fact that being
impaired is so dangerous, but being distracted is equally
as dangerous. I can’t think of anything more distracting
than this.”

Bizarrely,

Lewis

————————————————————

+—————– Bizarre Superstitions ——————+

Spilling salt is considered bad luck, probably because
it was once so valuable. Superstition has it a person is
doomed to shed as many tears as it takes to dissolve the
spilled salt.

Evil spirits can’t harm you when you stand inside a circle.

Suspend a wedding band over the palm of the pregnant girl.
If the ring swings in a circular motion it will be a girl.
If the ring swings in a straight line the baby will be a
boy.

A knife as a gift from a lover means that the love will
soon end.

If you use the same pencil to take a test that you used
for studying for the test, the pencil will remember the
answers.

The number of Xs in the palm of your right hand is the
number of children you will have.

You must hold your breath while going past a cemetery or
you will breathe in the spirit of someone who has recently
died.

***

————- Survey: Men would wear heels —————-

BEIJING – A survey conducted by one of China’s most
popular Web sites indicates that many men would wear high-
heels to experience the pains felt by significant others.
The online survey by 163.com attracted more than 3,000
responses, most of which were from men who said they would
wear heels for their wives or girlfriends to demonstrate
their love and understanding, Xinhua, China’s official
government-run news agency, reported Monday. “I am worried
whenever I see my wife wearing high-heeled shoes, because
it seems to hurt so much,” a husband from China’s Guangxi
Zhuang Autonomous Region said. The Web site said the survey
was inspired by U.S. anti-domestic violence movement Walk
a Mile in Her Shoes.

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————– Man ejects intruding kangaroo —————

GARRAN, Australia – An Australian woman said her husband
wrestled a 6-foot-tall kangaroo into a headlock and threw
it out of the family home after it jumped in through a
window.Verity Beman said the marsupial jumped through a
window at about 2 a.m. Sunday and landed on the bed she
shares with her husband, Beat Ettlin, at their Garran,
Australia, home, CNN reported. She said the home is on
the border of a kangaroo reserve. “At first, he (Ettlin)
thought it was a lunatic ninja,” Beman said. “It leaped
through the window, this martial-arts kind of figure. It
was very Jackie Chan.” Beman said they soon discovered the
intruder was a 90-pound kangaroo and it began rampaging
through their home, punching furniture and leaving blood-
stains on the walls. “That’s when his male instinct kicked
in,” Beman said of her husband. Ettlin put the kangaroo in
a headlock, dragged it toward the front door and ejected
it from his home. Beman said her husband, who is originally
from Switzerland, probably would not have confronted the
kangaroo if he had been a native Australian. “They would
be fully aware of the risk,” she said. “I kept marveling
at what he did,” Beman said. “I called him my hero. My
hero in Bonds undies.”

——- Woman, 107, has Disneyland royal treatment ——–

ANAHEIM, Calif. – A woman in Orange County, Calif., said
she was treated like a queen when she visited Disneyland
for her 107th birthday. Margaret Johnstone said after being
announced by a town crier at the famous tourist site, she
received a round of applause while wearing a blinking
princess tiara, The Orange County (Calif.) Register said
Monday. “Hear ye, hear ye,” the unidentified town crier
said Sunday as Johnstone entered Disneyland in her wheel-
chair. “Our princess is 107 years old today!” Johnstone,
who was born in 1902, even got a chance to kiss the site’s
mascot, Mickey Mouse, when she found an employee dressed
as the fictional character in Toontown. But the 107-year-
old, who uses a wheelchair due to arthritis in her knee,
didn’t offer too many tips on her longevity beyond using
Oil of Olay face cream for smooth skin. “Well, I’ve never
believed in eating two starches at the same meal,” she
told the Register.

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——– Coffee taster’s tongue insured for $14M ———

LONDON – A taste tester for Britain’s Costa Coffee said
the company has taken out a $14 million insurance policy
on his tongue. Costa Coffee taster Gennaro Pelliccia said
the company took out the policy with Lloyd’s of London as
it prepares to open a planned 100 new stores during the
year, The Daily Telegraph reported. “In my profession, my
taste buds and sensory skills are crucial,” Pelliccia said.
“My 18 years of experience enable me to distinguish between
thousands of flavors. My taste buds also allow me to
distinguish any defects, which enables me to protect and
guarantee Costa’s unique Mocha Italia blend.” While
competitor Starbucks has been forced to close hundreds of
locations around the world, Costa officials said their
company has thus far avoided any recession-powered downturn
and reported positive sales growth this year. A spokesman
for Glencairn, the Lloyd’s broker handling the policy, said
Pelliccia’s insurance trumps the $4.8 million policy taken
out for singer Bruce Springsteen’s voice. “The taste buds
of a ‘master of coffee’ are as important as the vocal
chords of a singer or the legs of a top model, and this is
one of the biggest single insurance policies taken out for
one person. It shows how valuable Gennaro’s tongue is to
the Costa brand,” the spokesman said.

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Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
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Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here…F-R-E-E..
Bizarre Uncensored

————————————————————

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

After viewing the “Stimulus Packages” reports call it “PORK”!
From my point of view its well beyond just “PORK”. obama
stated there will be changes! Sure enough! “PORK” is no
longer “PORK”, it is officially now the “PIG FARM.” -Richard
[What did you expect?! This is the biggest cookie jar in
American history, and everybody wants their hand in it.]

I guess if you win the Zoo Doo lottery, you can no longer say,
“I never win s**t!” -Matt

Lewis, The Miss Maryland Outdoor Beauty Pagent sounds like a
case of Muskrat Love to me. She must have a beautiful carcass.
-Dean

Lewis, my wife says that ALL married women have three boobs,
now I’m really puzzled. Can you help me out?
[No. The only advice I can give you is not to argue with her.]

Lewis: Why don’t you write about the new American Tea Party.
Everybody should send a teabag to Washington DC to protest
the fact that we’re paying taxes so people who can’t afford
there homes can continue living in them. -Marlene
[I have read about this. It seems a little theatrical to me.
If you want to voice your displeasure (and you should), write
a letter! Let your representatives know exactly what their
bosses think and what they want them to do.]

—————— END OF READER COMMENTS ——————

They know how to grow up ‘em in Maryland, as evidenced by
their 2008 Miss Outdoors winner. This is not some vapid
beauty contest for bubble-headed teenagers. No, Maryland’s
Miss Outdoors has to display some real talents, like muskrat
skinning.

The key to successful muskrat skinning is a very sharp knife
the outgoing Miss Outdoors, Dakota Abbott, said. 17-year-old
Dakota, who won the Miss Outdoors title in 2008, earned $100
and a set of muskrat traps by winning the women’s junior
championship trophy in a muskrat-skinning contest last week-
end.

The tradition of Miss Outdoors competitions and muskrat
skinning began in 2003 when contestant Tiffany Brittingham
donned a sharp knife, along with jewelry and makeup to show
off her skinning skills. There is an image for you.

This year’s competition even included a contestant who
scalded a large chicken before plucking the feathers from
the bird.

But once the judges’ votes were tallied in this year’s Miss
Outdoors event, Abbigail Tyler was victorious — thanks to
her singing performance of “Red High Heels.”

Emcee Buddy Foxwell had one unusual pageant request for all
contestants, “All contestants are reminded to take your
carcasses home with you.”

Bizarrely,

Lewis

————————————————————

+———– Even More Bizarre March Holidays ————+

March 21 is Fragrance Day

March 22 is National Goof-off Day

March 23 is National Organize Your Home Office Day and
National Chip and Dip Day

March 24 is National Chocolate Covered Raisins Day

March 25 is Pecan Day and Waffle Day

March 26 is Make Up Your Own Holiday Day and Spinach
Festival Day

March 27 is National “Joe” Day

March 28 is Something On A Stick Day

March 29 is Festival Of Smoke and Mirrors Day

March 30 is I Am In Control Day

March 31 is Bunsen Burner Day and National Clams On The
Half Shell Day

***

———- Two charged with gorilla head theft ————

APPLETON, Wis. – Two Minneapolis men have been arrested
and charged with theft after they allegedly stole the
head off of a Wisconsin store’s mechanical gorilla. Jesse
Varga, 24, and John Jenness Jr., 28, are scheduled to
appear March 10 for the misdemeanor charge in Wisconsin’s
Outagamie County Court after police said they took the
head off of a mechanical gorilla that had been displayed
for 15 years outside of Balloon Magic in Appleton, Wis.,
the Appleton Post-Crescent reported Thursday. They alleged-
ly tore the head off the gorilla, causing $1,500 in damage
to the item, on Thanksgiving Day and had the head “mounted
in a position of prominence” in their apartment, police
said. Minneapolis police said they discovered the head
in the apartment after an anonymous tip to Appleton
authorities. Varga and Jenness could each face up to
9 months imprisonment and a $10,000 fine.

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———- Councilman turns toilet into planter ———–

SNELLVILLE, Ga. – A Snellville, Ga., city councilman who
was warned for having a messy yard said he cleared away
all of the junk except a toilet that he converted into a
planter. Councilman Robert Jenkins was issued a warning
in January after Snellville Mayor Jerry Oberholtzer gave
police pictures of the toilet, a broken-down car and
other junk in the official’s yard, The Atlanta-Journal
Constitution reported Thursday. Jenkins said he got rid
of most of the offending items, but the toilet was instead
moved next to his driveway, surrounded by a halo of stones
and made host to a tulip, two bunches of daffodils and two
iris plants. “I just hated to get rid of it,” Jenkins said
of the commode. “It was in good shape. I’m waiting for some
warm weather to get it blooming. “It’s my contribution to
folk art, not to mention I do love to see things grow.”
Oberholtzer chuckled Tuesday when he was told of how
Jenkins had complied with the warning. “It’s good to hear
he cleaned up his act,” Oberholtzer said. “I certainly
wouldn’t put that in my front yard,” he said of the toilet
planter.

——– Man says he was pulled over for laughing ———

LIVERPOOL, England – A British motorist said he missed an
important appointment when he was pulled over by a police
officer for laughing behind the wheel. Gary Saunders of
Liverpool said he was talking to his brother-in-law on a
hands-free phone and laughing at a joke when he saw a
traffic officer flash police lights and signal for him to
pull over, The Daily Telegraph reported. Saunders said he
was asked to get out of his car and the police officer
said: “Laughing while driving a car can be an offense.” He
said the officer questioned him for half an hour before
letting him continue driving. “I couldn’t believe it when
he told me I’d been pulled over for laughing,” he said. “I
definitely wasn’t speeding so I asked what the problem was
and he told me I was laughing too much.” Saunders said the
officer took up half hour of his time by ordering him to
take his driver’s license and other documents to the police
station. “It went from ludicrous to unbelievable. He
definitely had a bee in his bonnet about something and I
got the brunt of it,” he said. “In the end he reluctantly
admitted that he had nothing he could accuse me of, but
still required me to take my documents to the station.”

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——— Zoo cancels poop sale due to herbicide ———-

SEATTLE – A Seattle zoo said it is canceling its spring
“Zoo Doo” fecal compost sale due to high levels of
herbicide in the manure blend. That’s Crappy! Woodland Park
Zoo officials said unacceptable levels of the herbicide
clopyralid were detected in the compost, which is comprised
of manures from several animals, straw bedding, wood chips,
leaves and grass, the Seattle Post-Intelligencer reported.
“We deeply regret that Zoo Doo will not be available for
our many loyal users,” zoo representative Dan Corum said.
“Gardeners can be assured that they will get the quality
they expect from Zoo Doo when it’s available again this
fall.” Officials said the Zoo Doo will be used around the
zoo, as clopyralid is not dangerous to the animals. They
said the sale was canceled because the herbicide could kill
some of the garden plants that it is meant to fertilize.
Woodland Park Zoo spokesman David Schaefer said the
facility sells about 1 million pounds of Zoo Doo each year
to several hundred gardeners who are chosen by lottery.

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Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural. Get The
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here…F-R-E-E..
Bizarre Uncensored

————————————————————

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Lewis, Regarding the bit about LA County trying to go curse
free…. a few years ago, a dude on my bowling league was
upset with the language he heard, so he wanted everyone to
put a quarter into a bucket every they swore. The idea
quickly fizzled when we nicknamed it the F**k-it Bucket.
He got so pisssed, he quit the league! -BB
[Did he say "F*ck-it" when he left?]

Lewis, I fail to see the bad parenting in this but if it were
me, I would tell them both, PACK YOUR BAGS AND GET OUT YOU
ARE NO LONGER MY SONS. -Bob
[You fail to see how a guy getting smacked in the head with
a snow shovel by his own sons is a failure in parenting? What
would you call it?]

The proper term for the anatomy is buttocks, not “anus” .
The anus is the actual opening which ain’t pretty no matter
who looks at it! The opening is gross while some people
find the buttocks pretty. -NYLG
[Not that I want to turn this into an issue of Great Sex-
pectations, but some people would argue with you.]

“People don’t want handouts! People want hand jobs!” This
is B.S with regard to a lot of people. Some are born into
welfare and a job is the last resort. Some states pay so
well that taking a job would result in a financial cut
back. But what the hell? Taxpayers can afford it, right?
-Rick

To your comment about people not wanting handout but hand
jobs: Roger that. And BOY, did we get a hand job in the
last election – eh? -Bob.

—————— END OF READER COMMENTS ——————

Can you say bureaucratic bullshit? How is this for bizarre;
The state of Washington is sending out hundreds of thousands
of $1 checks to the state’s neediest residents. It’s a plan
that is supposed to bring millions of dollars worth of food
stamps to the state by March.

Leo Ribas, head of community services at the Department of
Social and Health Services, says there’s a method to the
state’s madness.

“We’re trying to do this at a time when people need assistance
the most,” said Ribas.

He says if the state’s food stamp recipients receive just $1
for energy bill assistance, that qualifies them for extra
federal assistance.

In other words, sending out $1 checks at a cost of $250,000
to the state could bring the state and additional $43 million
in federal funding.

Got all that? This is a perfect example of huge amounts of
money falling through bureaucratic cracks. At this point it
is not even corruption any more. When a bureaucracy gets big
enough money just starts disappearing. Imagine what it is
like on the federal level!

And people wonder how, while they pay 33 percent or more in
taxes, the federal government can still be $7 trillion in
debt.

Bizarrely,

Lewis

————————————————————

+—————– Bizarre Test Answers ——————+

The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 Decibels

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Madman Curie discovered radio. She was the first woman to
do what she did. Other women have become scientists since
her, but they didn’t get to find radios because they were
already taken.

The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the
apple.

Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah’s wife
was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the
animals come onto in pears.

It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed
to get the tombstone off the entrance.

Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot
clipper.

Q: Give the meaning of the term “caesarian section.”
A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels, and you get
intercontinental.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them
perspire.

The seventh commandment is “Thou shalt not admit adultery.”

***

——– Police: Man who shot TV mad about digital ———

ST. LOUIS – Police said a 70-year-old Missouri man was so
upset by the switch to digital television broadcasting
that he opened fire on his TV set. Walter Hoover, 70, was
arrested and charged with unlawful use of a firearm after
his frustration over losing his cable and his inability to
make his digital converter box function properly allegedly
led him to his act of violence against electronics,
KSDK-TV, St. Louis, reported Monday. Investigators sad
Hoover’s wife told officers that he had been drinking
alcohol prior to the gunfire.

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——– 13-year-old hijacks, smashes Beijing bus ———

BEIJING – A 13-year-old boy stole a city bus in Beijing,
smashed it into a dozen vehicles and knocked down two
utility poles before the escapade ended, police say. “It
was like watching a blockbuster movie when I saw the bus
crashing into cars like a bulldozer,” a man identified
only by the surname Liu told Xinhua as he described the
Sunday morning excitement. The state-run news agency
reported Monday the bus’s driver had gotten out to use
a toilet when the slender, 5-foot-5 youth got into the
driver’s seat, apparently started the bus without a key
and drove off. The teen zigzagged through traffic, hitting
a car and a minibus before putting the bus in reverse and
hitting 10 more vehicles and the two power poles. One car
was pushed through the front door of a clinic. Liu was
having breakfast at his shoe-repair stand nearby when he
saw the bus coming at him like a “dancing dragon.” “I
threw my canteen and ran for my life,” he said. No one
was injured but the boy reportedly was trembling and quiet
when finally grabbed by three people who kicked in the
bus’s door.

———– Jail for woman after speeding lies ————

BIRMINGHAM, England – Authorities in Birmingham, England,
said a woman was sentenced to two months in jail after she
attempted to avoid a speeding ticket by lying to police.
Investigators said Sema Ali, 43, initially told police
that she had been speeding — an offense which carries an
$87 fine — because four men had attempted to run her
Renault Megane off the road, The Times of London reported
Monday. Police said Ali then convinced her husband,
Mohammed Nawaz, to lie and tell police that someone else
was behind the wheel when the speed camera photographed
the vehicle in April 2007. Ali and Nawaz both pleaded
guilty to perverting the course of justice. They were both
sentenced to two months in jail, while Ali was also fined
$87 for the traffic offense and received three points on
her license.

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———- Skydiver narrowly missed power line ———–

BRATTLEBORO, Vt. – Authorities in Vermont said a skydiver
was brought safely to the ground after he nearly collided
with a 7,200 volt power line and clung to a voltage
regulator. Brattleboro Police said Cameron King — a
veteran jumper with Orange, Mass., skydiving company
Jumptown — was blown off course by a strong gust of
wind during his Saturday jump at the Brattleboro Winter
Carnival, the Brattleboro Reformer reported. “You could
see he was coming down very fast, then all of a sudden his
parachute kind of wasn’t with him, and then it looked to me
he kind of looped into (the power lines,)” said Rosemary
Harris, president of the Winter Carnival. Central Vermont
Public Service spokesman Steve Costello said power was shut
off during the rescue, causing about 3,029 customers to
experience temporary outages between 1:58 p.m. and
3:13 p.m. EST. Costello credited the skydiver’s clear head
with saving his life. “He could have touched a lot of
things while waiting to be rescued,” Costello said. “He
was very calm and listened to direction. “Our crew said
they thought he didn’t realize how much danger he was in,”
Costello said. “As they explained what (the power lines)
could have, done he teared up, and it was finally becoming
clear to him what he had escaped.”

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Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural. Get The
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here…F-R-E-E..
Bizarre Uncensored

————————————————————

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Hi, Lewis: Not so much for the funny letters department, but
just for future reference, dynamite (used on the whale) and
the black powder you referred to are two very different
things. One is diatomaceous earth (usually) soaked in nitro-
glycerin, and is used for blowing things up. The other is
essentially a mix of saltpetre, sulphur, and charcoal and
is packed into old-fashioned guns for smoky civil war re-
enactments and Kentucky rifle competitions. -Wendy
[Wendy, would you feel uncomfortable if I told you that I
think chemistry is sexy?]

I think it is distasteful to use Anna Nicole Smith in your
bizarre couples list. Its to soon after her tragedy. Other
than that, I’ve loved your news for years! -Kaitey
[I don't think she minds.]

Any self-respecting couch potato can tell you that the ex-
ploding whale video shows up almost every week on one of
the approximately 10,000 weird video programs. Bring me
a beer. –Harold Frodge
[I told you it was an old story!]

Lewis, I’ve subscribed to your newsletter from work for two
years. Now I quit and am sort of a “homemaker” in a way. I
just got DSL hooked up and have an extra bill to pay now.
Is there any way that I could make just enough a month to
pay for the DSL from home with my computer? How is it done?
I’m way up in Montana in the boonies, don’t know if that
makes a difference. let me know if you can. Thanks, Babz
[Sure. It's called web porn.]

Hi Lewis! There was a great story in the Seattle Times about
a man who was in his home when two men broke in. He sneaked
out the back door and called 911. When he got to the front
of the house, he saw a white van parked in front with the
engine running. So he hopped in and drove away with the
burglars’ getaway vehicle! -Jody
[Good one, Jody. However, the story said that the thieves
were not apprehended! I wonder who they determined the van
belonged to.]

I read an interesting story on the British newspaper The
Telegraph online which said that a 700-year-old document
has been discovered in the Vatican archives which supposedly
clears the Knights Templar of all charges of heresy brought
against them by the church in 1314.

The Knights Templar were a powerful and secretive group of
warrior monks during the Middle Ages. Their secrecy has
given birth to endless legends, including one that they
guard the Holy Grail. Has anybody see The Da Vinci Code?

The Order was founded by Hugues de Payns, a French knight,
after the First Crusade of 1099 to protect pilgrims on the
road to Jerusalem. But when Jerusalem fell to Muslim rule
in 1244, rumors surfaced that the knights were heretics who
worshipped idols in a secret initiation ceremony.

Since the Church cannot afford to have an extremely rich,
extremely secretive and extremely heavily armed order of
monks running around Europe worshiping idols, the Devil and
Lord knows what, Pope Clement V dissolved the order and
issued arrest warrants for all of the members. Hundreds of
Templars were arrested and tortured with the willing help
of King Philip of France who was rather broke at the time
and eager to get his hands on some of that Templar cash.

After confessing various sins their leader, Jacques de
Molay, was burnt at the stake and ever since, the Templars
have been thought of as heretics.

However, there seems to have been a little boo-boo.

A new book is about to be published based on a scrap of
parchment discovered in the Vatican’s secret archives in
2001. The long-lost document is a record of the trial of
the Templars before Pope Clement, and ends with a papal
absolution from all heresies.

Here’s where it gets weird. In the document it is revealed
that the Templars had an initiation ceremony which involved
“spitting on the cross”, “denying Jesus” and kissing the
lower back, navel and mouth of the man proposing them.

Kinky.

The Templars explained to Pope Clement that the initiation
mimicked the humiliation that knights could suffer if they
fell into the hands of the Saracens, while the kissing
ceremony was a sign of their total obedience.

The Pope concluded that the ritual was not truly blasphemous
and was obliged to ask pardon from the knights. Tough break
for the Templars that they didn’t know how to file back then.

Bizarrely,

Lewis

————————————————————

+———- Even More Bizarre February Holidays ———–+

February 21 is Card Reading Day

February 22 is Be Humble Day

February 23 is International Dog Biscuit Appreciation Day

February 24 is National Tortilla Chip Day

February 25 is Pistol Patent Day (Samuel Colt)

February 26 is National Pistachio Day

February 27 is International Polar Bear Day

February 28 is Public Sleeping Day

***

————- Woman plans 772nd driver’s test ————–

JEONJU, South Korea – A South Korean woman who has failed
her driver’s exam 771 times said she has signed up for
another attempt in the hope that number 772 will be the
charm. Choi Young-cheol of the Driver’s License Agency in
Jeonju, South Korea, said the 68-year-old woman, who was
identified only as Cha, began taking the written driver’s
test in April 2005 and re-attempted the exam on a daily
basis until eventually slowing to one test attempt per
week, CNN reported Thursday. “You have to get at least
60 points to pass the written part,” said Kim Rahn of the
Korea Times. “She usually gets under 50.” The Driver’s
License Agency said Cha, whose last test was Monday, has
spent an estimated $3,000 on exam fees. Cha said she is
planning her next test attempt for Thursday or Friday.

————————————————————
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DEAL PRICE: $9.99 (for package of 10)

Over 18 million foot patches are sold every month in Asia,
see what they can do for you. Japanese Detox Foot Patches
are all the rage and now you can get them without paying
an outrageous price… get them for 1/2 price while you
can.

The Karada Cleansing Foot Pads are made from bamboo
vinegar, an ingredient Japanese scientists have proven
has the ability to draw out toxins from the body.

These foot patches are said to stimulate nerve endings
on the bottom of your feet which in turn stimulate the
secretion of lymph fluid. Using the Karada Foot Pads you
have the ability to pull out the impurities in your body
by focusing on the acupressure points in your feet. Best
of all, they are so easy to use.

Features:
- Helps cleanse your body by drawing-out chemicals & toxins.
- Includes 10 Patches
- 100% All-Natural formula made with real wood & bamboo
vinegar.
- Easy-to-use individual wrapped packs

Get a 10-Pk for the low price. Save even more and get two
packages (20 pads in total) for $15.98.
Visit: Karada Cleansing/Detox Foot Pads
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———– Mittens made for cold weather love ————

LONDON – Smittens, mittens that allow lovers to hold hands
in the cold, are available for purchase online, said the
British woman who designed them. Wendy Fuller said the idea
for the mittens, which feature two regular mittens and an
oversized glove for two hands, came to her while walking
in the cold with her husband, The Daily Telegraph reported.
“We were trying to hold hands through our bulky mittens,
when it dawned on me to create a mitten that was large
enough for both our hands. That way, I thought, we could
truly hold hands,” Fuller said. Fuller said Smittens, which
sell for about $34 on her Web site, were named by her
husband.

———— Police: Man arrived at jail drunk ————-

IOWA CITY, Iowa – An Iowa man arriving at a jail to serve
his sentence in a public intoxication case was hit with
a new, similar charge because he showed up drunk, police
said. The Johnson County Sheriff’s Office said jail
officials smelled alcohol on Johnathan David Gunn, 19,
when he arrived at the facility Tuesday to begin his
3-day jail sentence for a Dec. 3 second-offense public
intoxication conviction, the Iowa City (Iowa) Press-Citizen
reported. The criminal complaint filed against Gunn said
the suspect admitted to drinking the previous evening and
an initial test indicated Gunn had a blood alcohol content
of .101, well over the state’s legal limit for operating
a motor vehicle, .08. Gunn was charged with an aggravated
misdemeanor count of third and subsequent public
intoxication after a second test performed an hour later
registered a blood alcohol content of .055. Court records
indicate that Gunn’s next court appearance for the charge
has not yet been set.

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MINI DISINFECTING UV SCANNER…

Normal Price: $19.99
DEAL PRICE: $14.99
SAVE EVEN MORE: Get Two for $25.98

This lightweight scanner instantly disinfects faucets, door
knobs, keyboards, phones & more! The UV light kills 99.9%
of germs in just 10 seconds. It is safe & effective. It
includes a carrying pouch for traveling or for a purse.

If you travel, you simply MUST have this. Take a few
minutes and run it over your hotel bed and sheets… you
wouldn’t believe the germs in even the finest hotels. And
don’t forget to run it over the almost never wiped down
phones and remote controls.

Remember get one for $14.98 or two (2) for $25.98.
To see this or get more info, visit:
MINI DISINFECTING UV SCANNER…
————————————————————

———– Aussie caught with pigeons in pants ————

MELBOURNE – An Australian man is facing serious charges
after customs officers at Melbourne Airport found two live
pigeons hidden in his pants, authorities said. The 23-year-
old Melbourne-area man had the birds strapped to his legs
when he arrived in Australia Sunday on a flight from Dubai,
The Age reported Monday. The officers also seized a multi-
vitamin container holding two birds eggs, as well as a
money belt containing plant seeds and undeclared samples
of eggplant. It wasn’t known what the alleged smuggler
intended to do with the birds but now he could end up being
a jailbird for as long as 10 years if convicted. “Wildlife
smuggling is not only cruel to the animals involved, it
poses a severe risk to the Australian environment and the
health of the Australian community,” customs spokesman
Richard Janeczko said. “It is important that people declare
all animal and plant materials to customs and border
protection when they enter Australia.”

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PET BLINKERS… The Pet Safety Light
Protect Yourself & Your Pet!

Store Price: $7.99
DEAL PRICE: $3.99 or less

Pet Blinkers give you the added security and peace of mind
knowing you and your pet(s) are visible at night. Whether
you’re going for a jog with your pet or if you just want
extra attention, attach the Pet Blinker to your pet’s
collar and be seen a half-mile away. These eye-catching
LEDs accessorize any pet. Requires three AG3 lithium cell
batteries (included). PET BLINKERS… The Pet Safety Light
————————————————————

Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural. Get The
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here…F-R-E-E..
Bizarre Uncensored

————————————————————

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Lewis! I’m brilliant! I have come up with the greatest
plan. The story of the man who has now powered his car
with the fat from liposuction inspired me to think of the
greatest thing. Why not have the government make lipo-
suction free? Since so many Americans are obese, if
liposuction was free, the fat extracted could be bought
by companies to produce into some sort of fuel. Then, we
are looking at non-overweight people and less health pro-
blems. -Cass
[I have a new nomination for energy secretary.]

Lewis: Ah, yes; my grandfather was at the Embellishment of
the Bulge back in ‘44. His war stories always made much more
out of it than what really happened… Wendy
[His war stories or his bedroom stories? And if your grand-
father was telling you his bedroom stories you probably have
some serious psychological issues.]

How do you get a 500 lb. woman pregnant? The answer is roll
them in flour and jump on the wet spot! -Jim

At our house we never say ‘idiot proof’. we say ‘idiot
resistant’… because bob is right, idiots are so ingenious!
keep up the great work lewis, um, you do call it work, right?
-tere
[Purely for tax purposes, yes.]

Lewis, Can you pass on a message to my boyfriend? I just
found out he’s been a subscriber to your newsletter since
the very beginning. Tell him that I love him and that if/
when he decides to ask a certain question, the answer will
be yes. Thanks, Martha (p.s. he lives in California and I
live in Michigan)
[Dear Martha's boyfriend, think to yourself...is this woman
affectionate, generous, honest, loyal and intelligent? Does
she perform unnatural, kinky things in the bedroom? If you
can answer 'yes' to these questions, don't waste time. Do
it while you still have plenty of years to enjoy each other!]

When you order your calzone from a Joe Pesci wanna-be and
it’s not what you ordered, maybe it’s better just to let
it go and just never go back to that restaurant. Or else
you might get a pistol-whipping. But unlike Pesci, the
‘Goomba’ in this story apparently doesn’t know how to whip
someone with a pistol!

Authorities in Florida said a pizzeria owner was arrested
after allegedly attacking two men who complained about a
mistaken calzone order.

A Flagler County sheriff’s report said Richard Phinney, 44,
called Goomba’s pizzeria in Palm Coast, Fla., to try to get
a replacement order for his daughter after the eatery failed
to heed his request that her calzone not include sauce and
feta cheese.

The father said a Goomba’s employee told him on the phone
that the eatery’s grills had been shut down for the night
so Phinney and his roommate, Richard Capie, 35, visited the
restaurant to try to get a refund.

Phinney said he and Capie were speaking to a manager outside
of the restaurant when owner Joseph Milano, 40, arrived and
invited the two men to come inside and discuss the situation.
However, he said that after speaking for a few minutes,
Milano pistol-whipped him with a gun he retrieved from behind
a counter.

Capie was able to grab the gun and he left with Phinney.

Investigators said surveillance camera footage from the
restaurant appears to confirm Phinney and Capie’s account.

Milano was charged with aggravated assault with a deadly
weapon and making crappy calzones.

Bizarrely,

Lewis

————————————————————

+————- More Bizarre February Holidays ————-+

February 11 is White Tee-Shirt Day and Don’t Cry Over
Spilled Milk Day

February 12 is National Plum Pudding Day

February 13 is Get A Different Name Day and Dream Your
Sweet Day

February 14 is Ferris Wheel Day and National Heart to
Heart Day

February 15 is National Gum Drop Day

February 16 is Do A Grouch A Favor Day

February 17 is Champion Crab Races Day

February 18 is National Battery Day

February 19 is National Chocolate Mint Day

February 20 is Hoodie Hoo Day

***

——— Pants picture led to burglar’s arrest ———–

WAKEFIELD, England – English police said they nabbed a
burglar after a teenage photography student snapped a
picture of the fleeing man’s distinctive pants. Shaun
Rimmer, 25, was sentenced to four years in jail after
he admitted to a string of car thefts and burglaries,
including the incident during the summer that led to
his arrest, The Daily Mail reported Monday. Police said
quick-thinking photography student Josh Kellett, 17, was
able to snap a photo of Rimmer’s distinctive out-of-style
track pants while the burglar was scaling a fence to
escape from his neighbor’s Wakefield yard. Police arrived
and arrested Rimmer during a search of the neighborhood
using Kellett’s picture to identify the culprit’s pants.
Rimmer’s accomplice, Anthony Booth, 31, is due to be
sentenced later this month. A Leeds Crown Court judge
awarded Kellett $214 for his contribution to the burglar’s
capture.

————————————————————
8 LED Flashlight with Laser Pointer
It’s BOTH Fun & Handy…

Normal Price: $12.99
DEAL PRICE: $5.99
Get two for $9.98

The SE LED – Laser Pointer Flashlight is the Perfect tool
for work, home, survival or auto purposes. This 2-in-1
Flashlight has 8 ultra bright LEDs and a red Laser Pointer
between the LED array.

Sequencing through the LED or Laser modes is accomplished
with the On/Off button. Laser is FDA approved and LEDs are
rated for 100,000 Hrs of use. Uses (3) AAA batteries
(included).

Each light comes with a Black Nylon Carrying pouch, Lanyard
and (3) AAA batteries. Specs: 4″ long, 1-1/16″ diameter.

Makes a GREAT STOCKING STUFFER… visit:
8 LED Flashlight with Laser Pointer
————————————————————

——— Dropped phone sends man to crater’s edge ———

CRATER LAKE, Ore. – Rescue workers say a man who tried to
recover a dropped cell phone came within feet of plunging
off a cliff into Oregon’s icy Crater Lake. Kevin Harris,
26, of Arizona, was trying to recover a friend’s cell phone
that had fallen over the edge of the crater near the park’s
Rim Village, Greg Winfrey, a firefighter who helped rescue
Harris Saturday, told The (Portland) Oregonian. Harris
stepped onto ice covered with fresh snow and slid 200 feet
before he could stop himself. “If he hadn’t stopped where
he did — about 20 feet from the edge of the cliff — he
would have gone into the water and he might not be here
today,” Winfrey said to the newspaper. Harris, who is
stationed at the Oregon Air National Guard’s Kingsley Field
in Klamath Falls, was aided by park ski patrol members and
firefighters who rigged a rope system to haul Harris off
the rim, The Oregonian reported Monday. Harris was “scared,
cold and embarrassed” but suffered only minor injuries,
Winfrey said.

——– Some Bowl viewers see than illegal motion ———

TUCSON – Tucson residents saw more action than others in
the closing minutes of Super Bowl XLIII when an adult
movie clip interrupted the game. Officials at Comcast said
they don’t know why about 30 seconds that included full
male nudity from the adult cable television channel Club
Jenna was shown on the local Super Bowl broadcast, the
Arizona Daily Star reported Monday. The Star said its
received calls from viewers who said the porn interrupted
the game with less than 3 minutes to go, just after Arizona
Cardinals player Larry Fitzgerald scored on a touchdown
pass from Kurt Warner to put the team in the lead. On their
next possession, the Pittsburgh Steelers scored to win the
game, 27-23, for the Steeler’s unprecedented sixth bowl win.
Callers said that the clip showed a woman unzipping a man’s
pants, followed by a graphic act. “I just figured it was
another commercial until I looked up,” Cora King of Marana
told the newspaper. “Then he did his little dance with
everything hanging out.”

————————————————————
DRAIN CLAW SWEEP
Unclogs any drain or pipe… Works EVERY TIME!

Retail Price: $19.99
DEAL PRICE: $9.99

Drain Claw unclogs pipes and drains quickly and easily.
Clear hair and debris from stopped or slow moving drains
without dangerous chemicals. Just slide in the slim, four
foot flexible tube, squeeze on the trigger and remove the
obstruction. Safe on pipes, works faster than dissolving
products. Patented Flex-Clean system. Drain Claw is
different, because it works just line a heat seeking
missile to find the clog. Just pull the trigger and the
endoscopic technology of Drain Claw expands in the pipes
as it grabs the clog. Then just pull out the clog like
magic. Drain Claw gets the water flowing on all types of
plumbing each and every time when you use.

Drain Sweep even clears hair and debris from stopped or
slow moving drains without dangerous chemicals. DrainClaw
is safe on your plumbing and it works faster and easier
than most dissolving drain products, made of poisonous
chemicals that may be harmful to you or to your plumbing!

Get this for 1/2 of the TV price. To see a video of the
Drain Sweep in action or to order, visit:
DRAIN CLAW SWEEP
————————————————————

——— Police: Uninvited sister attacked bride ———-

HEBRON, Ind. – Authorities in Indiana said they arrested
a woman who arrived uninvited at her sister’s wedding
reception and allegedly attacked the new bride. The Porter
County Sheriff’s Department said Annmarie Bricker, 23,
was charged with misdemeanor battery after she allegedly
arrived Friday at the home hosting the wedding reception
for her sister, Lori Kappes, and her husband, Nicholas
Landry, and pulled clumps of hair from the bride’s head,
The Northwest Indiana Times of Munster, Ind., reported
Monday. The victim told investigators that she was still
in her car when Bricker pulled up and began pounding on
her car window. Kappes said she attempted to walk inside
the house while ignoring her sister, who was not invited
to the reception, but Bricker allegedly attacked, pulling
her hair out and striking her in the head. Bricker, who
quit her job as a 911 dispatcher after the incident, told
police she had come to the reception because she “just
wanted to talk” about family problems with her sister and
parents. Bricker’s children, who were in her car at the
time of the incident, were turned over to their father
by police. Bricker could face up to a year in jail if
convicted.

————————————————————
GIANT 600 Cartoons Special Collector’s DVD Tin
With Bonus Poster & T-Shirt.

Retail Price: $79.99
DEAL PRICE: $39.99

This is the largest collection of classic cartoons EVER
assembled in one package. Many of these cartoons have never
been released before on VHS or DVD! Iconic favorites will
include Popeye, Woody Woodpecker, Felix the Cat, The Three
Stooges, Baby Huey, Hunhy & Spunky, Mighty Mouse, Heckle &
Jeckle, Little LuLu, Casper, Tom & Jerry and many many
more.

DVD FEATURES/EXTRAS:
* Includes 12 DVDs (over 60 Hours of fun)
* A Collectors Tin.
* Exclusive Collectors Poster.
* A Detailed Info Booklet.
* All Cartoons are Digitally Remastered.
* Includes an exclusive collector’s T-shirt (XL size) with
a host of Classic Cartoon Characters (Betty Boop, Popeye,
Felix The Cat, The Three Stooges and more…)

No question this is one of the most fun and complete
cartoon collections we’ve ever seen.

To watch a video clip from one of the cartoons, visit:
GIANT 600 Cartoons Collector’s DVD Tin w/ Bonus Poster & T-Shirt
————————————————————

Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural. Get The
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here…F-R-E-E..
Bizarre Uncensored

————————————————————

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Hi Lewis, your article about escaped prisoners was missing
an even better fact. The escape attempt was caught on CCTV
and broadcast on national TV. This means that the embarras-
ement of doing something this stupid was compounded 100x as
now your friends, family and fellow prisoners can all laugh
their heads off at your cock up. -Steve
[Those CCTV cameras are becoming so ubiquitous that people
hardly notice them any more, and that's not always a good
thing.]

Lewis: Remember, one can never make anything “Idiot-Proof”
because Idiots are so ingenious. -Bob.

always embelishing the bulge, are ya Lewis? -chris
[Wasn't that one of the more famous battles of World War II?]

seems like the Bizarre News is getting shorter, at least the
information is shorter, plenty of ads for crap, but less
actual ‘news’. -Janet
[Women always think a man's 'column' is shorter than it
actually is. Must be a perspective thing.]

Lewis, here’s one you might be interested in…many years
ago, while I was in nursing school, an extremely obese woman
came into the ER with abdominal pain. This lady was around
500 lbs. After quite a while the docs figured out she was in
labor! She thought she was going into menopause and it never
occurred to her she might be preggers. Unfortunately, the
fetus was dead. An X ray showed that her weight had crushed
it. It was delivered by C-section. They had to use 6 people
on retractors to get to the uterus.
[The mechanics of getting a 500 lb. woman pregnant in the
first place is mind-boggling.]