Greetings fellow Bizarros:

Here is the rule…when a woman in Texas asks you to do
the dishes, you should do them, and if she tells you to
leave you should really do it…or else you might end up
like this poor fellow.

Police say a 20-year-old, Fort Worth woman faces an
aggravated assault charge after she bit her boyfriend,
broke a picture frame across his face and swung at him
with a sword during an argument about him not doing the
dishes.

The 21-year-old man told police that he became involved
in an argument because the woman was upset that the dishes
were not clean. Police said the woman told the man to leave
the apartment, but he refused.

The woman then tried to physically remove the man and
during the ensuing struggle she bit his right shoulder
and broke a picture frame across his face, causing visible
cuts.

Not satisfied, the woman then grabbed a 2-foot long sword
and swung it at him, but missed.

The woman was released from jail after posting a $10,000
bond. The man and woman had lived together for four months.

As a matter-of-fact, let’s simplify the rule. Just don’t
live with women from Texas. That should cover all the
bases.

Bizarrely,

Lewis

————————————————————

+———- Bizarre Tidbits About Child Actors ————+

Back in the “Golden Age” of TV, situation comedies present-
ed audiences with the image of an ideal Middle Class
America. In reality, however, many of the child actors in
these “perfect” TV families had less-than-perfect lives
offscreen…

Father Knows Best:

Billy Gray (who played the son, Bud) spent 45 days in jail
on marijuana charges and later dropped out from society.
He told TV Guide, “I look back on the show and see it as
a lie, a lie that was sold to the American people.”

Lauren Chapin (who played the youngest daughter, Kathy)
also had drug troubles. She became addicted to heroin and
speed, and did jail time for forging a check.

The Patty Duke Show:

From 1963-66, Duke starred in the popular series, but
gradually the stress of playing two roles – herself and
her look-alike cousin – caught up with her; she became
depressed, anorexic and eventually an alcoholic and drug
addict.

The Partridge Family:

After the show ended, Danny Bonaduce developed drug
problems. By age 21, he had squandered $350,000 in
savings on his cocaine habit.

Susan Dey, who was 16 when the show began, later claimed
to have suffered from severe anxiety which resulted in
anorexia and bulimia.

The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet:

Fans of Ricky Nelson were shocked when his autopsy
revealed that he had been freebasing cocaine just prior
to the plane crash that killed him on Dec. 31, 1984 in
DeKalb, Texas.

Family Affair:

In 1976, Annissa Jones, who played “Buffy” on the series,
was found dead of an overdose after a party in Oceanside,
California. The coroner reported that Jones had “the
largest combination of drugs in any cases I’ve encountered.

***

———- Goodwill gives back $500,000 statue ———–

MIAMI – The president of Goodwill South Florida said a
sculpture donated by an investment firm will be returned
after it was found to be worth $500,000. Dennis Pastrana,
president and chief executive officer of Goodwill South
Florida, said the 2 1/2-ton bronze statue, which depicts
a young ballerina, was donated to Goodwill’s Miami ware-
house in May by an investment firm that asked to remain
anonymous, The Miami Herald reported. Pastrana said the
piece was identified as the work of famed sculptor Sterett-
Gittings Kelsey and officials contacted officials at the
investment firm to inform them of the piece’s $500,000
value. He said the firm accepted an offer to return the
item and promised to compensate Goodwill some other way.

———- Robbery victim hit with beer gift ———–

SANTA ANA, Calif. – A robbery victim in Santa Ana, Calif.,
is expected to recover from injuries he suffered when he
was hit with a beer bottle he gave his assailant, police
said. Santa Ana police Cmdr. Jeff Owens said the unidenti-
fied victim was hit in the head with a beer bottle by one
of two suspects whom the victim had just given two free
beers, the Orange County (Calif.) Register reported.
Police said the unidentified suspects stopped the victim
as he was leaving a 7-Eleven with a 12-pack of beer early
Thursday morning. After the two men asked for and received
beers from the victim, one of the suspects smashed his
bottle over the victim’s head. The two suspects then fled
the scene with what was left of the 12-pack.

——– Dachshund, 20, may be world’s oldest dog ———

SHREWSBURY, England – A British man said Guinness World
Records is investigating whether his dachshund, age
20 years and six months, is the world’s oldest dog. Peter
Jones, 68, of Shrewsbury, England, said he believes the
dachshund, Otto, is the world’s oldest living dog after
the death of a 21-year-old dachshund in the United States,
the Daily Mail reported Thursday. “When I saw this dog
had died and he was the oldest in the world, I thought
Otto must be getting on to being the oldest as well,”
Jones said of the canine, who has reached 147 in dog
years. “I thought it would be good to see if Otto is the
oldest. My vet said to me that they hadn’t got any older
dogs going to see them. “He will follow me wherever I go
and doesn’t go running off. If I go out, I come back and
he’s sat by the door waiting. He’s got a bit of arthritis
but apart from that, he’s quite well.” Jones said he has
submitted a certificate proving Otto’s age to Guinness
World Records.

————————————————————

Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural. Get The
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here…F-R-E-E..

http://pd.gophercentral.com/u/14380/c/120/a/499

————————————————————

It is too bad that Barack Obama’s rhetoric of change doesn’t
apply to human stupidity. That is still alive and thriving,
particularly in Texas where today’s story takes place.

You would think that if there is one place in the country
where you would not want to pull something like this off it
would be in Texas, where everybody and their brother carries
a firearm, but apparently this woman did not think that far
ahead, deciding to go on a shooting spree with….a bow and
arrows.

Police and witnesses said that 33-year-old Julie Parker
entered her father’s workplace with a hunting bow and arrows,
and for a still unknown motive, shot a man named Armando
Silva in the chest. She then produced what appeared to be a
handgun and pointed it at other employees.

Two employees who are licensed to carry concealed handguns
then fired “numerous” shots at Parker, hitting her several
times, investigators said.

Parker dropped her pistol, which later was found not to be a
real gun, and retreated to an office with the bow and arrow.
Workers at nearby businesses took cover and called police.

When police arrived they were forced to shoot Parker several
more times before she was finally subdued and gave up her
bow.

I think the the lesson here is, don’t bring a bow and arrows
to a gun fight…or maybe Texas women are insane. Either way,
don’t mess with Texas. Better just to leave them the hell
alone!

Bizarrely,

Lewis

————————————————————

+————- Bizarre History Test Answers ————–+

The following is a sample list of “history” of the world
from certifiably genuine student bloopers collected by
teachers throughout the United States, from eighth grade
through college level.

The First World War, cause by the assignation of the Arch-
Duck by a surf, ushered in a new error in the anals of
human history.

Gravity was invented by Issac Walton. It is chiefly
noticeable in the Autumn, when the apples are falling off
the trees.

On April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot
in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show.
The believed assassinator was John Wilkes Booth, a suppos-
edly insane actor. This ruined Booth’s career.

George Washington married Martha Curtis and in due time
became the Father of Our Country. The Constitution of the
United States was adopted to secure domestic hostility.
Under the Constitution the people enjoyed the right to
keep bare arms.

One of the causes of the Revolutionary Wars was the English
put tacks in their tea.

Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miquel
Cervantes. He wrote “Donkey Hote”. The next great author
was John Milton. Milton wrote “Paradise Lost.” Then his
wife died and he wrote “Paradise Regained.”

***

———- Would-be robber trapped in bank doors ———–

DAYTON, Ohio – Witnesses said an attempted bank robber in
Ohio was foiled after he became trapped between security
doors while trying to flee the scene. Bystanders said the
man entered the National City Bank branch Tuesday morning
in Dayton and handed a note to a teller demanding money,
the Dayton Daily News reported Tuesday. However, bank
employees activated a security system as the man attempted
to leave the bank and he became trapped in between the
interior and exterior doors of the bank, witnesses said.
He attempted to break through the exterior door but was
interrupted by the arrival of a Dayton police officer,
who took the man into custody. Investigators said the
suspect was taken to police headquarters for questioning.

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————- Artist spots fakes at gallery ————–

DELHI, India – One of India’s most popular artists says
he visited an exhibition of his works in Delhi only to
discover many of the paintings were fakes. S.H. Raza, 85,
said he arrived for the inauguration of the exhibit at
the Dhoomimal Gallery and found the majority of the paint-
ings were forgeries, The Times of London reported. Gallery
owners Uday and Uma Jain said some works were donated for
the exhibit by Raza, while the 30 paintings alleged to be
fakes were donated by the artist’s nephew, Z.H. Zafri. The
Jains apologized to the artist and said the exhibit was
shut down half an hour after Raza expressed his doubts.
“When I reached the gallery and started looking at the
canvases on the walls, I was stunned,” said Raza, who is
suing his nephew. “As I moved from one canvas to the
other, I realized that the works were just not mine, they
were all fakes,” he said. “I will turn 86 next month. At
this stage of my life, this was the last thing I wanted
to do — grace an exhibition of my own fake paintings.”

———- Police: Robber’s target bank moved ————

NICHOLASVILLE, Ky. – Police in Kentucky said an attempted
armed robber left a former bank without any loot after
finding the facility had been converted to a water district
office. Nicholasville police spokesman Scott Harvey said
the suspect entered the Jessamine South Elkhorn Water
District office, which used to be a Farmer’s Bank, at about
1 p.m. Tuesday and brandished a revolver, The Lexington
(K.Y.) Herald-Leader reported. Harvey said the suspect
“left with nothing” after employees explained to him that
the bank had left the building. No one was injured in the
incident, police said. Diana Clark, office manager for the
water district, which moved into the building Dec. 15, said
the attempted robber was not the first to make the mistake.
“We’ve had people come in here asking to cash a check,”
Clark said.

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——— Man with slow car beats speeding rap ———–

STAPLE HILL, England – A British man says he’s “glad he
fought the system,” getting prosecutors to drop charges
he drove his Honda Civic 98 mph after he proved it can’t
go that fast. Dale Lyle, 21, of Staple Hill, England, said
he received a letter from the Crown Prosecution Service
informing him that a speed camera had clocked his car at
98 mph, The Daily Mail reported. Lyle said he decided to
contest the charge, which carries a maximum fine of $1,430
and a six-month driving suspension, and magistrates in
court challenged him to prove his claim that the 14-year-
old car was unable to reach 98 mph. The motorist said he
paid $860 to buy back his car, which he had recently sold,
and spent the same amount to hire an independent expert to
test drive the car. The test found that the car was unable
to reach speeds above 85 mph. A spokesman for the Crown
Prosecution Service said the charges were dropped after
prosecutors “came to the conclusion that there was no
longer sufficient evidence to provide a prospect of a
conviction.” “I’m really glad I fought the system and won
but I think I will have trouble getting the money I spent
back,” Lyle said. “The whole thing has been a complete
shambles and waste of money. It’s shocking how hard it has
been for me to prove my innocence.”

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————————————————————

Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural. Get The
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here…F-R-E-E..
Bizarre Uncensored

————————————————————

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Hi Lewis, Just thought I’d let you know about some more
‘tasty’ food from across the pond. We have a crisp (potato
chip) manuafacturer that makes such flavours as Pickled
Onion, Marmite, and Worchester Sauce. Then we have their
latest line which includes Onion Bhaji, Cajun Squirrel,
Fish & Chips, Crispy Duck & Hoisin, Chilli and Chocolate,
and Builder’s Breakfast (egg, bacon, sausage and beans).
I only wish I had that good of an imagination to make this
up. -CJ
[Come on, who doesn't enjoy Duck & Hoisin potato chips?]

Hey Lewis, are all men cat haters or what? My cats get in
my bed and talk to me all the time. Hit them with a shovel?
Maybe you need to be hit with a shovel. Sounds like contempt
prior to investigation to me. -Valerie
[You know, three hundred years ago women who talked to cats
were considered witches.]

i am surprised at your comment about Barak O’bama. haven’t
you heard about the “black” irish?

As a first time reader of your newsletter I must say that
it all is very intersting and that I look foraward to more.
–krsitin
[It's always a little difficult the first time, Krsitin, but
it gets better...wait a minute...are we talking about the
same thing?]

Ah Lewis, I enjoy your newsletter very much and admire your
strength to get up each morning knowing you are going to
piss someone off that day…Kudos my friend! –Jen
[Bizarre News is not designed to 'piss someone off' it is a
medium for reporting the world's curiosities and a forum for
enlightened discussion.]

Here is the rule…when a woman in Texas askes you to do the
dishes, you should do them, and if she tells you to leave
you should really do it…or else you might end up like this
poor fellow.

Police say a 20-year-old, Fort Worth woman faces an aggravated
assault charge after she bit her boyfriend, broke a picture
frame across his face and swung at him with a sword during an
argument about him not doing the dishes.

The 21-year-old man told police that he became involved in an
argument because the woman was upset that the dishes were not
clean. Police said the woman told the man to leave the apart-
ment, but he refused.

The woman then tried to physically remove the man and during
the ensuing struggle she bit his right shoulder and broke a
picture frame across his face, causing visible cuts.

Not satisfied, the woman then grabbed a 2-foot long sword and
swung it at him, but missed.

The woman was released from jail after posting a $10,000 bond.
The man and woman had lived together for four months.

As a matter-of-fact, let’s simplify the rule. Just don’t live
with women from Texas. That should cover all the bases.

Bizarrely,

Lewis

————————————————————

+——————— Bizarre List ———————-+
Interesting Facts Part 3

21. The verb “cleave” is the only English word with two
synonyms which are antonyms of each other: adhere and
separate.

22. When you blush, the lining of your stomach also turns
red.

23. When hippos are upset, their sweat turns red.

24. The first Harley Davidson motorcycle was built in 1903,
and used a tomato can for a carburetor.

25. The lion that roars in the MGM logo is named Volney.

26. Google is actually the common name for a number with a
million zeros.

27. Switching letters is called spoonerism. For example,
saying jag of Flapan, instead of flag of Japan.

28. It cost 7 million dollars to build the Titanic and
200 million to make a film about it.

29. The attachment of the human skin to muscles is what
causes dimples.

30. There are 1,792 steps to the top of the Eiffel Tower.

***

——— Man dangled from building for an hour ———–

NEW YORK – New York police say a man who tried to help
a relative who had locked herself out of her apartment
wound up dangling by her sixth-story window ledge. Police
said the man, whose name was not released, used a rope to
lower himself from the roof of the building but found the
window he had planned to enter was locked and he was unable
to climb the rope back to the roof, the New York Post
reported Monday. Officers said the man was dangling for
more than an hour before they arrived, forced their way
into the apartment and helped him in the window. The
building superintendent said the man was the brother of
the apartment tenant while police said he was the tenant’s
son.

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——– 50-year-olds make good on pie fight pact ———

MILWAUKEE – A pair of Milwaukee men said they have set a
date to make good on a promise they made one another in
1976 — to have a pie fight at the age of 50. Dan Johnson
and Malcolm McDowell Woods said they made the promise at
the age of 18 while enjoying drinks and cheese fondue at
the old Captain’s Steak Joint and now that they have
reached the landmark age, they are planning a formal
dress party for family and friends to fling pastries in
the style of “The Three Stooges,” the Milwaukee Journal-
Sentinel reported Monday. “We talked about being immature,
and then we decided we should have a pie fight when we
turned 50,” Johnson said of the October 1976 pact. The men
said they will be wearing tuxedos to Saturday’s pie fight
and they are urging their guests to conform to the formal
dress code. They said neighborhood kids have been hired
to fill 500 plates with shaving cream for the event and
will clean up the mess after the final pie has been flung.

————– Chick adopted by family cat —————

MIDDLETON, England – An Englishwoman says a young chick
whose siblings were killed by a fox found an unlikely
surrogate parent in the family cat. Jane Etheridge, 69,
of Middleton said one of her bantam hens hatched 14 chicks
about 2 1/2 months ago but a visit by a fox to the henhouse
left only three surviving hatchlings and two died soon
after, The Daily Telegraph reported Monday. Etheridge said
the surviving chick, Gladys, was brought into the home she
shares with her husband to recuperate from the traumatic
experience and she almost immediately came under the
protection of the family’s 10-year-old cat, Snowy.
“Snowy cleaned her and washed her. Gladys is now about
2 1/2 months old and is our pet. She still comes into the
house to play,” Etheridge said. “She comes in and bounces
up and down in front of Snowy and he just stands there and
takes it and puts his arm around her. “They are the best
of friends, very much so, and when she first started going
out she would not go unless they went together. They are a
strange couple but we love them both very much.”

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——- Swedish inmates to get more feminie attire ——–

STOCKHOLM, Sweden – A group of Stockholm design students
have created a line of clothing for female inmates,
introduced Tuesday at a prison outside the Swedish capital.
The new clothes replace a unisex outfit of gray T-shirts
and sweatpants, The Local reports. “They really were
awful,” said Lars Nylen, director general of the Swedish
Prison and Probation Service. Second-year students at the
Beckman Design School were told that the new clothing
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As an added bonus, Nylen said, the new clothing is designed
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them in the outside world,” Nylen said.

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Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
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<a href=” http://www.gophercentral.com/book/bizarre.html “>
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————————————————————

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Hi Lewis. Good for the father who whapped that kid upside the
head with the metal pipe! The boy deserved it for trespassing
and performing the devil’s business with the guy’s little
princess without permission. I really don’t think the man
wielding the pipe did anything wrong and should not have been
charged with any crime. Youngsters today are getting away with
way too much and it’s the parents that end up being punished.
Perhaps I am somewhat biased because I too have a teenage
daughter, but still… -Andrew
[Remind me to caution my sons to stay away from your house.]

Does a chocolate bunny fart marshmallows, is that better?
-Bette

Lewis, maybe the father should have used an old time precaution
so his daughter would not have been tempted.  Hitting half of
the duo is sort of assinine. -Iz
[Are chastity belts legal?]

Dearest Lewis, regarding the child discipline column…guess
everyone was getting whacked with pipe that night.  just a
thought. -chris
[Except the dad, I think.]

Hi Lewis, Thought you would enjoy this bizarre story about a
33-year-old Wisconsin woman, who enrolled in high school,
posing as her 15-year-old daughter. She was trying to relive
her high school years! She even made the cheer leading squad.
-Pete
[I guess with enough makeup a 33-year-old could pull it off,
but I'm curious about the actually 15-year-old daughter. Did
the mom send her off to work while she was at high school?
Personally, I'd hate to go back to high school. Now college
would be a different matter.]

I see a lawsuit coming. A man finds a naked stranger in his
daughter’s room and he immediately jumps to the wrong con-
clusion. How did he know they weren’t working on a Sunday
school project? Maybe they were practicing for a play about
Adam and Eve. But this out of control lunatic assaults the
‘guest’ in his home? Hopefully we can all learn from this,
and the next time one of us finds a naked stranger in our
home….oh hell, just go ahead and kill the bastard. -Keith
[It's funny how the fathers of teenage girls all seem to
have the same opinion.]